my role as a daughter, wife and mother. Which one am I?

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My husband ask me one day "Does your mother know your role today"? I did not know what he meant so thought about it fora while and finally I asked him he explained "your role from the day you said I Do, is my wife, and then a mother to our children. You don't bend head over heels for them anymore. You should not have them telling you what to do and when to do what". I sat in silence and not sure what to say. My parents or should I say my mom, is very controlling and want to know everything that we do at home. I been married 13 yrs and she still comes around and tell me how to run family matters. Though I don't always take her suggestion. But I guess lately it has become a problem because we live so much closer that she comes by everyday without calling first. I have not been able to tell them that they cannot come over everyday, nor can I tell them they need to call first. Because even if they did call and I said I am busy, they will still come over. So I felt like there is no point for them tocall because regardless of what I say to them, they will still come over. What do you think I should do now? I sometimes wish I was not married but that is because my husband and I clash when it comes to how we should raise the kids, schooling, educatin importance, family values etc is too different. but I do see he is making the effort to change and meet me in the middle. Please share to me your experience as a wife, mother and daughter. How do you keep the boundaries clear. How do you identify when they cross the line. How can you still be their daughter and still be devoted to your husband and kids?