When to let go, and when to hold on tight.

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At the very beginning of my adult life, I was a free soul, working full time at the bakery. I had my own apartment, my own money, and could come and go as I please, as long as I showed up for breakfast/lunch on Sunday with my parents. (Which I still do today.) Then, I decided I was lonely. Waking up alone, and living alone, made me feel empty. So, being the young and immature adult that I was, I decided to have a baby. Skeptics think that I might have got pregnant by accident, but it was truly planned, and as soon as the "donor" found out, he left. My son was born, and truly was the blessing that I thought he would be. So,husband #1 turned out to be an alcoholic pothead, which left my son, and my new daughter at a women's shelter for six weeks. Husband #2 was ten years younger than me, and acted like it. After losing our house, and all our finances, I spent time "vacationing" at my parents with all three kids (had daughter #2). So, being the smart person that I am, I married husband #3, because I believe that this was my "soul mate". But, with three kids, marrying a man without his own children was a disaster. World War II ensued. So, time went by. Usual story. We are always broke. Lots of love. But, as time marches on, my kids have managed to grow up. NOW, the babies are growing up. My first baby is now 21, and is SO excited about being legal to drink. As I hung a clothesline in his room to dry clothes, I found a picture of myself, holding this boy, kissing him under the mistletoe. And yeah, I cried, a little. Today he came by, to have his hair trimmed. He has thinning hair in the front, much to his and my dismay. Purely not my fault, fortunately. And, as I was running my comb thru his jet black hair, I had to wipe away a few tears. He is now living with friends, and sharing rent. I truly believe this child will be home soon, if he's anything like his mother. So, now, I am with a new boyfriend. Very great man. Does ALOT for the two children at home, and even the one that's flown the next. I often wonder, if the poor choices I made during their life negatively effected them, or if this is just a part of life. I know my parents have been married for 45 years, and there were times when there was trouble. Some days, bad trouble. But, my children always knew I loved them, protected them, and made sure they knew they were the biggest part of my life. What do you think?