Being available for your spouse during the death of a parent.

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In the marriage vows, we promise to love each other "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse..."Right now I am dealing with sickness and worse. My mother-in-law is dying. She is 86 and has had a wonderful life with a husband who loved her very much. He died about ten years ago, leaving her alone with her son (my husband). At the time my husband was around 50 years old and divorced and living with his daughter. His wife had their son with her. David, my husband, and his mother are very close because they had only each other to depend on for all these years. She would fix his lunch for his day at work and leave it in her refrigerator for him to pick up at her home (next door) before he went to work each morning. She would fix his supper and help him with shopping and other household chores. They attended church together just as they did for many years before his father died and the three of them went together. Now she is in a nursing home. She has been unwell for about two years since she broke her hip. She never regained her ability to walk. Then last summer she had a stroke. It took her speech and the movement of her right side. She has been in a wheelchair when up out of bed. At Christmas time she suffered a second stroke and has had two more just in the last month. She is dying. The nursing home calls us regularly to update us on her condition. She is beyond any help a hospital might offer and moving her to the hospital would just be stressful for her, the doctors say. As of today she is not accepting any food or drink, and she cringes at any gentle care offered to her. Her kidneys have stopped functioning and they can't even give her IV because it won't be processed in her body. It's very slow and painful. We went to the home today and visited with her a bit. She is only semi conscious but she is very aware of David and me when we come into the room. We talk to her and she blinks, so we know she can hear and understand us. Poor David can't stand to stay with her for long because it is just tearing him up. When he went home this afternoon I stayed a couple more hours with his mom, just being there, occasionally talking to her and holding her hand. She had her hands under the blankets and doesn't move much but at one point she made the effort to put her hand over the blanket and seemed to be reaching so I took her hand. She held on to me very tight for a few minutes before falling back into a peaceful sleep. The doctors say it could be hours, or days, or weeks, but we don't think it will be long since she is not taking in any sort of nourishment, and they have now stopped all her meds because she can't swallow. They are giving her occasional injections of anti nausea drugs and mild pain meds if she seems to need them, but she doesn't appear to be in much pain. It is so hard to watch this, and to watch David go through it. He has been so close to his mother because he was her only child and then her only companion after his dad died. I like to think I am doing all the right things, but I have moments of doubt. David responds to my hugs and comfort, but I still don't feel like I am doing enough. He told a friend today about my staying with his mother and the friend told him to warn me to take care of myself. Since my health is fragile and I have chronic fatigue syndrome I get tired easily, exhausted in fact. But I find it hard to hold back this need to care for my husband and his mother at this hard time. I can only hear those words from my wedding vows in my head, and I mean to keep those vows. I love him so much, and her as well. I am glad that my husband and his mother both know the LORD, and also myself. I have to wonder how people who don't have faith deal with hardships like this. I know I would be lost right now without the LORD there for me. David and I pray regularly with his mom. It is a comfort to us and I believe she hears us and is comforted also. Today while talking to her I mentioned that Stanley (her husband) and Jesus will be waiting for her when she is ready to go. She seemed to become very peaceful when I said that, so I think it was right. Because I know my friends here on MyLot, I know you will pray for us. Thank you. It's so nice to know that I am loved by others who have the same kind of faith that I do.