Jedi Vs. Dark Jedi: An orginal short story

© Hellcowboy ALL RIGHTS RESERVED


I have typed a short story that me and my fiance wrote a while back,and I want to get the opinions of my fellow mylotters to see if it is any good:

Few people have risen to stand proud after the Jedi Civil War. Only one remains to fight against the evil forces. Can he outsmart the ever brewing evil or will he fall behind enemy lines and be destroyed?Jedi Master Jonathan stood amongst the wreckage of the old battlefield. His blue lightsaber was raised and ready for attack as his weary eyes surveyed the remaining debris of the previous battle on the field. Evil forces still inhabited the field.Jonathan began to tread along the grounds after detecting no motion or sounds for quite some time. He noticed a motion out of the corner of his eye and turned suddenly to see dust flowing up. A harsh voice came out of the fog and spoke clearly "Darth Rickey sent us to destroy you." At once three figures appeared and lunged at Jonathan who deflected their attempts at defeating him. After several minutes of failed attemps, Darth Rickey's apprentices fled to the safety of their ship and took off. Jedi Jonathan disengaged his lightsaber before returning it to his belt and walking swiftly to his own ship to pursue his enemies. After several minutes of flying, Jonathan's radar spotted the enemy ship. He debated on what method of attack would be most effective and decided on using his lasers to weaken the field around the ship and then a small rocket bomb to create his own hole of entry to the ship.Jonathan watched as the ship began to falter as one engine blew and then the other. With the engines blown the aircraft fell and landed on a pasture where sith troops unboarded by tens weapons drawn. Deflecting each blow as he passed, Jonathan boarded the ship and engaged the lock system to ensure the sith troops would not board. After defeating the remaining combatants Jonathan walked through the ship and to the room Darth Rickey was awaiting. Upon entering, Jonathan unsheathed his lightsaber from it's place & stood in stance ready to fight. "As I see my troops did not defeat you in the field as planned." Darth Rickey snickered "I shall defeat you." With this Darth Rickey struck at Jonathan barely missing him. Jonathan smiled and struck back, defeating the Dark Jedi and taking over his ship and his remaining followers.

I will appreciate all responses I get,and I appreciate anyone who gives me feedback on this short story,but please try to keep your comments nice,have a great day.