How far should I let my friends go in taking advantage of me?
By psspurgeon1
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
United States
September 28, 2008 10:09pm CST
I am a sahm and I don't have many opportunities or many friends. Once I meet a friend when I do get out, we become close instantly (I am an open book, wear my feelings on my sleeve, would do anything for almost anyone). My problem is, that they only call me when they need something. When they do call, we hang out and have a great time but then it is forever until the next time. They always do stuff with each other (I have two/three in mind) but I am rarely invited unless I can be of use in some way. I know it sounds like a self explanatory solution but since I rarely have the opportunity to meet new people and then am limited in who to hang out with based on age, kids, ethics/morals, ect. it is so hard to give up. I have tried just avoiding them but then when they need something they burn my phone up until I answer and then make me feel stupid when I tell them why I was avoiding them. Anyway, it's a really tough decision for me to make. I am basically just a scapegoat or something but it's a lonely life at home with 2 small kids 24/7. I meet the kids parents at my daughters school, but it's a private school and most of them have serious money and I don't exactly fit in in that(we sacrifice greatly to send our kids there). So I'm kinda stuck in this situation that has gone on for a little over a year and still have no solution...
2 people like this
3 responses
@Nocturnica (280)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I know where you are coming from sweetie. I am very much like this too!
Again, you are not going to want and hear this reply either, but it is how I see it.
Friends? They only call when they needs something? for over a year?
Honey, those people are NOT what I would consider Friends! They are users, and it sounds like you have enough on your plate without having users in your life! Get ride of them, you don't need them, they are using you, abusing you and taking advantage of your kindness.
Hope that helps,
Nocturnica
2 people like this
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Well, thank you for the honesty, it is a quality I need to succeed in a relationship. I just wish it was a little easier to come by in person you know? I litterally am with my kids 24.7 (my choice of course, no bad feelings). Even going grocery shopping or to the doctor or out to dinner w hubby they are with us. So family orientation is very important to me. I don't want my children to grow up and think that this behavior out of my "friends" is normal. I like to expose them to as much healthy lifestyle stimulation as possible. Another peeve is that the "friends" are constantly ridiculing me for my choice in my children's education. They are in private school and it's mostly all money in there but we make huge sacrifices because it's what we feel is necessary for our kids christian education. But they make fun of me for "pretending im better than what I am" and accuse me of not letting my daughter ride the school bus because I don't want her mingling with the "poor" even though I myself am poor. Their justification is that I am overly sensitive and overreact and make me feel foolish and douby myself. In the next sentance they will say "oh, your gonna help me by planning my kids birthday party in a few months since yours are so good?" and expect me to attend at all costs even to my family. Reading all of this is eye opening. Makes me a little sad and a little crazy feeling.
1 person likes this
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Thank you for your supportiveness, I do agree with you but it is incredibly hard to do. But the things add up and speak for themselves dont they? I would much rather be with my kids anyway. They are precious. They are, aside from God, the most important thing in this world. Well anyway, thank you...
1 person likes this
@Nocturnica (280)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Sweetie,
Family is the MOST important, friends come long after family! Being with your children 24/7, that's not all bad! Actually, I think it's great. And i do agree with you, you would never want your children's so-called friends treating them like that, so put a stop to it now, don't let your children even begin to think it is ok to be treated like that.
Another things, these people you keep calling your friends. Girl, sit back, look at yourself. Read this discussion as someone who did not write them! They ridicule you for your choices with your life? True friends don't do that, and would never do that. They may talk to you about it, but they would never ridicule you like that.
Drop them like a hot potatoe right now! They are NOT your friends! The are your enemy!
@SachseMom (448)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I know you don't want to hear this but you are going to have to get rid of those friends!! I had a friend that was like that, I introduced her to her husband. They hit it off and got married right away. But she grew tired of him quickly and started calling me up when she wanted to go out and find someone else and use me as her excuse. Her husband was mad at me all the time and I couldn't figure out why and what happened but she would stay out all night and spend the night at a hotel with some guy she meet at the bar and then come to my apartment in the morning when her husband was coming to pick her up. I couldn't deal with it anymore and the last straw was when I finally got married she got mad at me cuz I wouldn't go out with her anymore! Then she didn't even bother to come to my baby shower because she was going out with some guy!! I haven't talked to her in 7 yrs. I truly wish you the best in what you decide. I have no friends anymore and I hate not having the girls to go out with but I rather be alone then being used by someone that acts like a friend. I can't deal with fake people.
2 people like this
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Yea, the morals there are similar to mine. One of my friends is actually another couple with whom my husband, children, and I have had some get togethers.
when she started letting my brother feel her up and things I was incredibly guilty because I knew I would have to look at her husband knowing what I know. not to mention all of the other guys I knew about. I cannot look my hubby and hers in the eye becuase marriage is pretty big deal for me and all that goes with it. She is also one to leave me out alot and I think she would be the easier of the trio to get rid of. Thanks for hte support, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my thoughts and feelings. I just wish there were friends out there with good morals, good kids, and all that. Not easy to come by when you only meet new people a couple times a year!!!
@Margajoe (4747)
• Germany
3 Jan 09
Wow!!!
You sound like me!!!
I have friends that burn my phone up, and that makes me
so irritated!!!
I just want to have my peace.
Like you, they only have time when they need you.
But, when you need them...
When I have a problem, they look at me as if it was not a problem.
They always have worse or more problems, they say.
But, I would like to talk sometimes too.
I always let them talk and try to help.
But, from the last part of your message, I think I know what our
problem is.
We don't have that much money!!!
You have to save on everything, so it is hard to get in
contact with other people.
Ask them over for super or go out for a drink, it costs a lot of
money.
Normally I don't want to go to eat dinner or drink at other
places, because I know I cannot give it back like I want too.
But on the other hand.
We should stand tall.
Our time will come, when we have more money.
And then we know who our real friends are.
Take care.
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I know right! I think about that often. If I suddenly won the lottery, I bet I would have lots of friends again!!! I think I would shut the phone off if that were to happen! It does suck and I finally have been able to stand my ground a little and be a little more uncaring! Although, that doesn't sound like a good thing!!! I don't know, we will see. I do have a great friend online so I guess that makes up for the shortfall. And my husband is truely my best friend of all and he is ALWAYS here for me! (He should be, I have him chained up in a closet so he can't get away!!!) LOL... Thank you for the response, it's bittersweet knowing there are others out there like myself...I feel for us!
1 person likes this
