How do you save a marriage?  

Hi there.

I feel for you and it's really hard to actually give out advice. It seems like your husband has a lot of issues. I think you need to choose a good time to sit down and talk to him (when he's sober and not drugged.)

You can't go and live like that forever. The two of you have to decide what is best for both of you. If he is willing to change and sober up, then good for you. However, you'd have to figure out what to do if in case he doesn't want to change. Especially since you already have the children to think about as well. If the two of you are open to counseling, then go for it. There are a lot of things that can be done to change things. But you have to remember that the two of you have to be willing to take fix things. You cannot be the only one wanting to save the marriage. He has to take an active part as well.

You have a lot going on in that relationship and it all sounds negative. Is there any positve and happiness left? No one can tell you what to do because only you know whats right for your family if you really think about it you already know what needs to be done so that you and your children are happy. I can tell you what I have done in my 12 year marriage to keep it alive. It has not been easy and we have had our shares of ups and downs. I quit telling him what he was doing wrong instead I approached him with the "I" attitude. "I feel like we are falling apart", "I think we need to spend more time together" things like that so they do not feel like they are being attacked. Don't sweat the small stuff, is it really that important where his dirty socks go or can you overlook them in the middle of your bedroom. I did put my foot down when it came to excesive drinking, I grew up with alcoholics and my children deserve better. I made it clear that as long as he was functional in case I needed him I did not care if he had a few drinks but sloppy drunk was not okay. I often write him notes or letters about how I am feeling because they can't interupt whats been written down. Make sure you let him know what you love about him and if you can't think of a single reason why you do then you are in big trouble. If he is in anyway abusive to you or your children it is time to move on, you are their protector. If he cares for his family he will seek help and change to get his family back and if he doesn't then you know you made the best decision. I really wish you the best in this and I hope it works out the way you want it to.

I think you need to be honest and frank with him, that if you really still want to give this marriage a try, I guess to still do for your kids' sake. He needs to change for such a negative attitude will surely ruin your relationship. You have to let him speak out his mind whether he still wants a life with you so that you'll know whether to hold on to yoyr marriage or to move on with another happier life than you are experiencing now with him.

Tolerance and accepting the other with all qualities,either good or bad can only save a marriage.In your case,minimize your works,learn a hobby,read novels and stories and be keen on enjoying your life.If you mother's home is near,go there in the week ends for a change.Also make arrangements for vacations whenever possible which will develop more closeness.Cheers!