2 wrongs don't make a right, but 4 rights make a circle
By Erilyn
@Erilyn (3020)
United States
October 31, 2008 12:34pm CST
This is one I found out the HARD way. During my absence here a lot has happened. Even before I was away there were a lot of things going on that I was very quiet about and didn't tell anyone at all. I dealt with a lot of things on my own, and probably shouldn't have. Maybe if I had been more honest with my friends and shared what was going on and gotten the support I wouldn't have done the stupid things I did. That was my fault for trying to be strong when I am really not.
So let me start at the begining and Please keep in mind that I am not trying to justify what I have done in any way. No matter what I should have been the better person and not done anything wrong. Nothing that was done to me excuses what I did in any way. But this is something that had been going on and what I did in reaction to it.
About a year and a half ago there was a distinct change in my relationship with my fiance. A lot of stress becasue he lost his job, and when I had to go back to work he hated it more than I could ever put into words. From the day I started work again, he would accuse me of cheating on him having another boyfriend etc. He started to take a lot of things out on me, and I was really getting depressed.
When I started my latest job it got worse and when that job was taking all of my time up it just made things even worse between us. He was calling me all kinds of names and accusing me of all kinds of things. I felt so worthless, and felt that he no longer wanted to be with me.
There was a guy who would come into my store all the time and would talk to me and seemed that he needed someone to talk to as well. Told me that he wasw seperated and it seemed like he was going through all of the same things I was going through. We were talking for a while and I decided that I was going to leave, and I cheated on my fiance with this guy. I had no real feelings for him, and never meant for it to be long term, but I did it none the less.
The last 3 weeks have been a very hard road as my fiance and I are working things out, and trying to make a fresh start. Needless to say I no longer work at the store anymore, and I have been doing everything that I can to make sure that he knows how much I love him and that I really do want to work things out with him.
2 people like this
4 responses
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
31 Oct 08
Sweetie let me tell you it is something that will happen when you get what you got at Home, believe me I know what it is like with Mental and verbal Abuse
I really hope you can work it out, and I hope that he also can see that he is partly at fault here to for the way he accused and treated you
I took it for 21 Years then my Illness came along and I knew I would not be strong enough anymore to put up with it, I spoke to my Ex Husband who promised to change, he never did so I gave up fighting for the Marriage
I am happy now, I have a Man that loves respects and cares for me and has helped me to get over the worse of many years
Good Luck on working it out Sweetie
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
31 Oct 08
Thank you hun I hope so too, but if not I am comming and moving in with you! LMAO j/k. I do think that if I had stopped to think things through and talked more to my friends about how I felt rather than keeping it in and trying to do it on my own, then we wouldn't be in this situation that we are in now. One of the promises that I made to him was that I would do everything I could to make sure I didn't hold things inside anymore like I did before.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
31 Oct 08
Thank you Hun! We are really trying to work on it and some days are better than others, none of this has been easy on either of us what we both did to each other that is. We had a long talk last night and we both apologized to each other for what we both did to each other and I think that is a great step in the right direction. Of course it won't happen overnight and I can accept that, and I can also accept that we have a long way to go. I think that we both do so thats a good thing. He had said to me last night that we can get through anything if we do it together so hopefully that will mean this as well!
1 person likes this
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
31 Oct 08
From the sounds of things my friend it seems as though your fiance is the one with things that need to be worked out. I have generally found that men that do these types of things do so out of their own guilt. Makes me wonder his faithfulness to you 
As for the cheating episode, don't sweat it. The average person will, if accused enough times, will do the one thing they are being accused of. Don't beat yourself over the head 
As for the cheating episode, don't sweat it. The average person will, if accused enough times, will do the one thing they are being accused of. Don't beat yourself over the head @Erilyn (3020)
• United States
31 Oct 08
He cheated on me as well, but none of that excuses me doing the same thing. I should have just been the bigger person, and not did it. Doing to him what he did to me wasn't something that I should have done. I should have just walked away. But I didn't and now we are working through it.
@lisa0502 (1724)
• Canada
31 Oct 08
I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is good that you have taken responsibility for your actions. They say that if you are accused of it enough that you will do it. Although this is no excuse it still happens quite a bit. Obviously your mate has a problem with insecurity. Therefore you have to try and make him feel secure, but this is not an easy thing to do. Have you guys tried going through a third party for help? I am not going to say counsellor because sometimes that just is not the right thing, maybe it is a close friend or someone. I think that you need someone from the outside that can be partial and can see both sides for what it is. Otherwise it will take time and it is all up to your partner now. There is not going to be a whole lot that you can do. He has to either forgive you or move on with your lives. This will probably always be there on his mind but he can not throw it in your face forever. I wish you much luck in resolving your situation.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
31 Oct 08
Thank you for your words of support, and I have thought a lot about all the things that have happened and I wish I have reached out to my friends for the support that I needed to help me get through things instead of turning my back and doing what I did. I can't take back what I did, and all I can do at this point is hope that we can work it all out, and it does look like we are making progress in that area. We have got past the yelling and screaming part, and are actually talking. I know its not going to be a cake walk and I know we are still going to have the bad days and I can accept that.
@fgaloma (163)
• Philippines
1 Nov 08
sad to hear that, but i guess your decision is right, fight for your love, trials like that will always come, but be strong. i have once felt that situation of being so jealous on every guy that my girlfriend talks. i even jealous of his cousins. for being so closed to her. but i guess that's love, for me love is being selfish to others, that you don't like to share your girlfriends life to others. well my that's my definition of love. :-)
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
1 Nov 08
I can understand where you are comming from, but it doesn't make it easy when you are always accused of doing something you aren't. That doesn't justify what I did in any way and I should have known better. I guess sometimes we just can't see the forest for the trees!
