Emotional scars take a long time to heal...

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I just keep feeling, even though I'm moving forward, it feels so slow... maybe to outsiders. I mean I see other people's lives moving forward. But when it comes time like Xmas and so on, I feel really sad because alot of my friendships are broken, like people i know from school, im not really in touch with them anymore. And also i couldn't share emotionally with these people, they didn't want to listen to my emotional problems or couldnt understand, and i couldn't find a person who was sympathetic and empathetic enough to understand me, except for the emergency crisis phoneline person. So when I see myself in the mirror, i feel sad sometimes, like a bit broken. I've healed alot though, trying to be happy, but not so happy about having to explain why im still stuck at this point, like just finishing what other people finished a long time ago, like higher education, or independence, and things like that. And why my house is messy often... I don't have that perfectly functional life that other people portray, even though im functionally really happy often, when i do things my own way. Ps. i was verbally abused and threatened by my dad, and sexually harrassed by both him and other people, when i was in my teens. I was seriously depressed and suicidal. It just makes me sad when i think about it, or when im reminded of it, like say if my mother writes me a letter mentioning my dad, im still angry and better, and it makes me want to cry. its hard. they keep trying to ignore it, as if my pain doesnt exist, as if they did nothing. They talk like they didn't do anything to me, and that im the problem. So the worse part is really the fakeness. And the manipulation. I hate it. Even now they are trying to manipulate me, it makes me feel so hurt and angry, and miserable.