ZEN and the Art of the Panda Spank..... What is the sound of one hand spanking?  

Ah yes my son..... The panda spanking wonder abounds if only we open our hearts and minds to receive it! You have shared experiences and sights that only a handful of true panda spanking afficionado's have seen. Not all are in possession of the deep seated spiritual insanity and inanity required to embrace such things; yet those that have reached this coveted destination of the mind, shall find that all will come to them and more.

Let us also not forget the Hanging Gardens of Pandalon either. Where the drifting clumps of fresh panda fur fill the air with that sweet, sweet smell of spanking as it flies off the panda's rump with each swift strike of the palm..... Or that ultimate testament to the historical brevity of this doctrine - The Pandsonian Institute, where one may feast their eyes and ears on a cornucopia of panda spanking artefacts..... For example, the first tub of soothing butt balm, ancient bamboo fertilizer made from the contented sighs of Angels; and that esteemed original mummified piece of panda crap that millions of devotees come from all parts of the world to touch and to inhale it's breathtaking aroma.....

Oh how far we've come..... Yes, the show is about to begin, yet one must be reflective on the fact that it was actually ALWAYS being performed and never stopped, my son. Panda spanking is an omnipresent play performed for the senses and the world is of course it's stage. Thank you for your words of wisdom and the recollections of great importance, Mr Pike. These very words and reflections shall uplift even the weakest of men. May we all spank and spank until the woes of the world fade into nothing.

;quickly looks around for escape hatch;

I'm comin with you, Irish!!! Have you found it yet? Hurry!!!!

Now, now ladies! 'Tis a sad circumstance to be this way and potentially avoid your destinies! The panda spanking call is there to be heard, just open your ears and hearts and they shall be filled to overflowing!

So sorry, oh Great Panda Master. ;;;hangs head, puts hands in meditation position;;;; I shall endeavor to part the walls of my mind and let the panda spanking begin. I shall shake off all resistance, as after all, resistance is futile. My mind is a blank canvas. And only the Panda has the brush. Om shanti.

In the great and profound words of the ancient and mystical Panda with the ginormous butt:

"Schze san tcho noo ne tao ming ho lao mitzu shang-dong sha!"

Or loosely translated - "That's the spirit!"

I'm on my yoga mat as we speak, Jamesy, in my version of the lotus position, my version being not so lotus, but I'm trying to blank out my mind, trying to let the spirit of the great Panda in to unlock the mysteries and miseries of my soul...........

Unlock the mysteries Nova and you shall find that the miseries are non-existent! I need to work on my lotus position too actually. Last time I tried it, I looked more like half a mouldy pretzel than a lotus flower!

Yeah, my left leg knows nothing about lotuses, to be sure!!! It just won't BEND that way, dammit!!! But still, I'm imagining an invisible string, from up my spine, out of the top of my head, I've got my fingers in medeitation position, and I'm TRYING to clear my mind, but I just can't seem to get that song out of my head!

We're supposed to be imagining an invisible string??? Well THAT explains it! I was imagining something entirely different..... I was pretending to be a cat cleaning itself. No wonder my neck hurts!

eeewwwwww ;irish continues to look for escape hatch;

There IS no escape hatch when it comes to panda spanking, Irish!

*sits in front of only door and laughs until her sides hurt*

Will.... talk.... later.....

And..... I'll..... be..... here.....waiting..... (And sitting defiantly ON the escape hatch so no-one can open it!)

;shrug...pulls out a lollipop and a book;

Thank you for the BR James.

Anything to put a smile on that face of yours big boy! You are most welcome Mr Pike.

It was inevitable my dear friend! A man is NOT a man, who does nothing to change the world..... "Insanity without fear" is a poignant and crucial aspect of our belief system. Your wisdom is without doubt, a joy to behold! And yes, the release of inhibition is the foundation stone of our ability to rule not just ourselves, but the world of restraint in parallel. It is the panda spank that shall set us free!

My own experience of "blah" was indeed a test. It was a smattering of brief negativity that invaded my very soul and pushed the boundaries of my understanding. It was I that neglected to reach for my trusty panda and spank it with abandon. It was I that allowed the cancerous presence of reality and seriousness to invade my senses! But all is behind me now and the inanity and insanity ultimately reigned supreme. For I am not defined by what I say, I am defined by the ridiculously stupendous things I do! Let my momentary weakness be a lesson to you all.

Seek only the forests of bamboo Alok, for you shall find me there with unbridled enthusiasm and a a freshly presented panda at my hand. For it is they that shall release us from the bonds of humanity. I thank you for your knowledge and for fighting the fight. Together we stand and divided we fall. Some may laugh at us for our beliefs and for daring to be different; but victory and inane immortality is ours and we shall laugh at them in return for all being the same.

Then seek the detachment from these wordly external insanities James and seek the insanity of those in the garden of pandaon. I think that is what you called it. The bamboo forest beckons and the glimmering light of the panda. For dificult the path may be (it isn't that difficult really is it ?) and obstacles that we may encounter, the insanity must rule. We cannot waiver from the path and fall back into the wordly madness. Enlightenment we must seek and find we will into the immortal world of the panda spankers.

Spoken like a true follower, my friend! The path we tread may have preceived obstacles,yes; but these shall disappear into oblivion at the mere whisper of the sound of spanking! The final goal of course, being to not seek these answers in life, but to have them seek US without the slightest hint of effort. It is attainable for us all.

* James perfectly times a banging of a gong with the downward strike of his palm against a willing panda's rump *

And the sound of the gong reverbrates through the concept of time and space. Boundaries it reaches are only in our minds. And as the sound raises its pitch in our minds so does the pitch of the insanity. Loose it Loose it, and you shall be set free.

Profound once more..... And the spanking vibrations shall pervade our very souls. They shall lift our weary pysche's to unparalleled levels of bliss! Never underestimate the doppler effect when it comes to the sound of a well timed spank, Alok. The ripples are far reaching and reverberate for an eternity!

Oh yes, The well timed spank and it's ripple effect , right into the 4th dimension, the one's where all the souls exist in thier form. And reverbrate it does right through out the world's. The rain clouds form, the tribals unit and the panda jingo begins. The bliss is undescribable, nothing like that experienced in this material world.

Come thy lost souls, and you shall be led into the bamboo forest, where the master and his panda await.

My dear Alok, the fourth dimension shall be looked back upon as we race past it at the speed of light! We have entered the panda spanking realm my friend, which is the 7th or 8th dimension at least! The multiverse in itself is one big bamboo forest and panda's abound. I pity those that fail to see the forest for the bamboo alone!

Yes Master. Just goes to speak as to how much more i need to progress in the path.

And how spanked panda's can fit on the head of a pin ?

AS many as you want

Hahahahaha. Yes, the rhetorical question has been answered indeed! The number of panda's able to be fit on the head of a pin is limited only by our minds!

The answer is 42.... just so you know.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fan! Excellent!

Ah yes, the profound presence of your silence speaks volumes Loud! You are fortunate to have reached this level.

silence means yes

A closed mouth catches no flies, Bombshell! Loud has been most wise! lol.

i knew that James that Loud is a lot wiser than me

You did? And now I guess she has that in writing too!

Eh beleive or not,i am here & i can read...but you two jist carry on.
I aint listening

You can read???? Great! This means I can stop using all of these smilies then!

LOL, i loved the silence treatment Loud. reminds me of when i was in a chat room and i made my font white so it couldnt be seen on the page, it got a few laughs. Anyway... about this pandaspanking business.. i'm calling the RSPCA on you lot! glasshoppa would be ashamed of y'all! lol besides.. i can't get down onto the dam mat never mind get into a lotus position :s lol

Alice :D

peer pressure, i've succumbed, i now go to get the marks of the dragon to see if i am worthy

Go on then, call the RSPCA, Alice! You think I hadn't made sure they were taken care of a long time ago? Same goes for the WWF! You're just gonna have to spank with abandon like the rest of us I'm afraid. Don't fight it now, you KNOW ya want to!

LOL.. *taking notes: james spanks pandas, disses stevie

Forget the notes Alice, you'll need a friggin' tonne of notepads! Just sit tight and you can reacquaint yourself with all my quirks once I release my memoir!

Nice touch with the oriental music there! The art of Panda Spanking is to release one's inhibitions and embrace all that is not serious in this world. It is the ability to interact with fellow spankers and regale them with tales and actions of absolutely no substance whatsoever and never have to explain why! It is the expaction of the unexpected and nothing more. The world is not an easy one to tolerate at times and it is only by being impervious to it's negative charms as often as we can, that we can truly embrace all this is good in it! Insanity and inanity..... Two words of tremendous significance, so lest we forget. Thank you for your interest Theresa, may you laugh with abandon and dance like a dervish for an eternity!

That's one heck of a lecture! Alright, with no delay,from now on, I'm a certified panda spanker!


When do I get my badge?

The badge is present within, Theresa! It has always been there too..... The significant circumstance being that you've now opened your panda spanking third eye to embrace such sight's!

Oh crap, I think I vomited it last week and thought it was my ID from my rotten old job! I think I just flushed it down the toilet.

How quickly you pick up the art of panda spanking Theresa! Fear not, for the panda spanking third eye once found, is indestructable and will exist always. Whatever it is you flushed, was nothing but a nonsensical distraction placed there by the negative forces of this world to divert your attention away from the panda spanking truth.

Oh great panda master, your words are like morning dew to my withered, and thirsty spirit. I have been wallowing in self-pity, and utter grief over the lost badge but you have been the light at the end of my dark, and cold tunnel.

In thanksgiving, I shall kiss thy feet, and rub lavender oil inside the walls of your nostrils (with a hint of menthol and salicylic acid) to please thy better nature.

---kneeling to kiss your feet----
---rising with lavender oil (plus...menth....uh...those i mentioned)

I have to wait until Thanksgiving???? Hahahahahaha.

We could settle for a massage for now. But I'd have to use bamboo shoots to release the negative energy from within you. We cannot use the lavender oil if the spirit is STIFF from all the spanking. *bending your elbow with a CRACK sound

What is the difference between taking bamboo shoots from the forest who is owned by no one, and asking permission from a panda who doesn't own the forest??

Difference? It is but one and the same, for the forest is owned by us all, yet owned by none!

See! Thanks to panda spanking, you've become so attuned with the world and beyond, that you've let go of all materialstic thoughts and desires..... We should all aspire to reach such a state of spirtual bliss! Thanks for setting an example Diddly. Let us hope now that others will follow.

Damn slow computer!!!

Now it looks like I'm loving on James...

I love ya too mykl! lol.

Oh, is that what that is all about!? Thanks, I just thought I was a bit of a dingbat this morning.*L*





Morning, Doll Face*S*

Heeeheeee!

mykly's lovin on jimmyjames.......hee heeee heeee....i'm teeelliiinnnnnnn...heee

No...because you are a NICE lady and wouldn't push no panda...

Ahh...but if he'd just stolen my last slice of cheesecake....just sayin...........

Panda's aren't interested in cheescake Irish! Jeez. I'd strongly suggest that you never wear black and white and then bend over to pick somethin' UP near a panda; but they ain't gonna touch yer cheesecake! Thanks for the new rhetorical question too. I believe the answer would be..... Reykjavik!

Then what WAS that big black and white furball that stole my cheesecake...YOU? in a costume?

It wasn't me and I have no ideas WHO it was to be honest. Maybe it was Michael Jackson and he hasn't shaved in a while?

He doesn't have to NOT shave to achieve the black and white color combination of a genuine panda.....

.....for after all the chlorination, bleaching, whitening deception schemes, HIS ( I mean that area below the bikini line...er....brief line) has refused the change, and has remained to be the same color over the years.....

Now, who would have thought that the cute little dark skinned, afro haired boy from Jackson 5 would grow up to become a white woman!

The answer is all in the bikini....er...brief. I keep saying that!

...annndddd you know that...hoooowwwwww?.....

It is??? Wow! I just developed a whole new enthusiasm for seeking answers then!

yea....I'll just bet......morning dear....

I missed your greeting Irish! Good afternoon to you then!

At least it's not days that end in "Y"! Maybe there WAS no real question, mykl! Maybe the real question will present itself in different forms to each and every person that reads this post..... Maybe I just blew your mind and this will become clearer as you sleep!

* Cue the Twilight Zone music, followed by a series of gong sounds *

People ALWAYS go straight for 7! lol. I'd be interested to know how the heck you conduct an experiment to come to that figure though..... And more importantly, how the hell did you manage to get 7 panda's still enough to count 'em?? The descriptive antics of Tyson helped me to get a basic understanding, but still! I hope you bottled the pee too. That stuff is worth more than titanium in many parts of the world! I commend you on your attempt to seek the answer oh Super-Nova, but there of course IS no answer! May the tidings of knowledge tap you on the shoulder and whisper the wisdom of the world to you for an eternity!

Many thanks, Great Panda Spanking Master. I am but a novice, but a willing novice. A novice who desires all the wisdom her poor little mind can absorb....a wee sponge, as it were.

Ah, but even the humble sponge is a crucial part of a reef's rich tapestry, Nova! Every wondrous journey commences with a few small steps..... One must demonstrate consistent spankinacity to reach one's destination and cast aside their spongey origins! I have faith in you my child, your future is bright!

So is the little on called the Urinator? Just sayin.........

Yep. And the big sponge shaped like a butt is known as the "arsenal"!

Thew sponge was called "Victoria" and she was filled with the jam that passes all understanding, and the cream that was sent for us from the Holy Panda. Verily she was delicious. We ate out fill. But yet there was more.

There's ALWAYS more! After reading your comments Mr Pike, I have so many visuals running through my head, it's not funny! I can't share any of them either 'cos I'd need to use too many symbols just to make sure I didn't get my words blocked!

;irish creeps away...........;

Ah, but one must spank with abandon in order to reach the spiritual heights required, Bombshell! It is only upon reaching these heights that one can truly state that they are indeed soaring!

i still can reach the heights without spanky James

You can? Well you too are also far more advanced than I realized! lol.

good that you know

True dat!

Master? If I should soar too high? Would I land with a sore butt or the ground just cracks open?

Would the panda feel sour about the damage I have done to the bamboo forest?

This is spiritual soaring, so we may of course clinmb to whatever heights our heart and mind desires! Anyways, even if it wasn't spiritual soaring and like Icarus, we climbed too close to the Sun and then plummetted back to Earth..... The panda's couldn't give a crap about us landing in their bamboo forests and breaking the trees there! Not at all. In fact they'd LOVE it! They're lazy buggers and broken bamboo means that THEY don't have to break it themselves in order to eat it!

Ahhh, no more sore as i soar. Thank you master.

You are most welcome...... That will be all!

You almost spelt it right, Mable! It's "repercussions"! It's good to see you back and you go as silly as ya like! Of course I don't mind, not one little bit! That's why Panda Spanking's HERE for God's sake!

as long as you understood what i meant to say,i think i should not bother with spellings.i never was good at spellings,now i have a escape route also,as a doctor i am not supposed to have legible handwriting

I understood, no issues there! The only reason I provided the correct spelling is because you asked! And yes, from what I've seen on prescription pads, a Doctor's handwriting is definitely supposed to be practically unreadable! lol.