Always in My Mind

Oh dear, sounds like you've got yourself in abit of a mess there. Well it seems that there's no point in remembering your ex friend now, as he wasn't actually interested in you in that way, sometimes you just have to accept facts and let go. It's also not allowing you to SEE your husband for what he is, he may be a really nice guy and your not being able to appreciate him....because your still in memory lane and can't be in the NOW. So now that your married and have taken those steps, I suggest you take responsibility for your actions and try to make a really good go of it....burn all your previous diaries, put it down to teenage/childhood love and move on. It was silly really for getting married just to hurt the other guy or get some reaction, marriage is such a sacred thing and should not be used for such reasons. Now that you are bound to this wedlock, you should try your damn hardest to get it right. It's not good to play with peoples lives. Sometimes we don't get the person we want and I believe that there is always a good reason for this.....like it wouldn't have worked out anyway.....please put the past behind you....teenage love and crushes should not be taken so seriously....real love is something far and above all this.....count your lucky stars that you have a good husband.....and make a happy life for yourself and him....there are so many unhappy women on this planet with terrible violent husbands, we always have so many lucky stars to count....please count yours. Alternatively, tell your husband the truth, if he's a broadminded and mature person he can help you, sometimes all we need in life is to be able to be truthful to our partners and it jolts us into a new reality, and the love and honesty and acceptance you find in your husband maybe just they spark that you need to open yourself to what a great guy he is and make you fall in love again. If you can't do the above, then I suggest you file for divorce and be with the other guy or be with your diaries and memories of him.....but it's really not good to try and sit on the fence...and be neither here or there.....it's not fair to you or your husband. You need to decide what type of person you want to be and take responsibility, no point in your heart being one way and your actions another. I wish you the best, it's a sad situation that you've got yourself into and not an easy one to get out of....but life is all about learning.....and I wish you all the courage that you will need to do the right thing. Luv