Do you ever feel pressured to have children?  

*high five* it is so cool that your family is ok with you not having kids. Mine make me feel like i disapointing them by not having children. Oh well, they always have my brother to carry on the family genes.

Even the ads on MyLot are mocking me, the one after your response was about purchasing a beautiful mother's bracelet with you children"s names engraved on it *lol*

And i forgot to add, it isn't that i don't have maternal instincts. You can ask my group of friends. If they had to describe me, the over-all consensus would be "mother hen". I don't know if you know, or beleive anything about astrology, but am a a Cancer, and cancer's tend to be the most maternal of all the signs. We just want to take care of everyone! But i am more than content with taking care of my friends, my boyfriend, my pets, and my lil brother who lives with me. this is more than enough responsibility for me!

Hi! That's probably why your family doesn't get it...if you show that maternal side they won't understand why in the world you don't "want your own." I've never really cared for kids...they tend to irritate me more than anything, without trying. I get extremely uncomfortable around kids even if they're quiet, and have even since I was a kid myself. I don't quite understand it but I know for a sure thing I'm not having any! :)

Haha...the bracelet thing is funny. I once saw an ad on Facebook that showed a picture of a baby and it said, "Enter your baby in the Cutest Baby Contest." I clicked on "I don't like this ad" and when asked why, I just put "irrelevant" but wanted to put "it's offensive." Hahaha...wow, I amuse myself sometimes! :)

I do believe in horoscopes...you definitely sound like a cancer! In fact, that's what my husband is. His family is strangely fine with our child-freedom, too (Tim himself has told me that only one kid in his family was NOT an accident, and his father has actually encouraged the child-freedom). All of his cancer-like qualities including taking care of things and nurturing definitely shows with me and our four cats. He loves to take care of me...he cooks dinner for us every night and he's the most clingy, loyal person I know. That's why I love people born under the cancer sign...I'm a Leo and the two signs tend to get along quite well!

If you don't mind, what is your main reasoning for not having kids? I understand that most child-free people like kids but just don't want any, and it surprises me that you have maternal instincts but never wanted kids. I completely believe you, but as a child-free woman who has never particularly liked being in the same room with kids, it surprises me to put child-freedom and maternal instincts in the same sentence. :) Is it the actual freedom aspect of it, perhaps?

It is complicated, but i can try to explain it for you. I strive to be a very independant person. I prefer to take care of myself and have a really hard time asking for help from others. I have always felt, that IF i were to ever to decide to have children, it would only be if i ever felt i was in a place in my life where i felt i could take care of them and give them everything they needed without being a burden to soiety or to anyone else. Granted now, where i am in life, i could probably do this, but i also know it would be a struggle at the same time. I don't handle stress well. If i had kids i feel i would be in a constant state of paranoia that something would happen or something would go wrong and i would not be able to handle the situation. I guess you could say it is a mental thing. Physically and finacially i could handle having kids, but mentally i feel it would destroy me. The worry, the stress, the knowing that i have an entire other life that is totally dependant upon me and me alone to take care of them...when sometimes i feel i can hardly take care of myself. I just don't think i could handle it and still be a pleasant and decent person who is happy with my life, so i choose not to. I would rather give what i can, when i can to my friends and loved ones around me, willingly, than to begrudgingly have to give up things i enjoy and the things that make me, me in order to take care of someone. Some people might consider that selfish. I consider it truley knowing who i am and knowing what will make me a happier person in the long run.

Trust me...I completely understand! Child-freedom is anything but selfish. People who decide never to have kids decide that for a reason. It would be more selfish to go on and have kids knowing you weren't ready for it...then it would be a stressful situation for both you and the kid. At least you have acknowledged that raising kids is not an easy job to do, and that you aren't made for it. Some people have kids thinking they'll get used to it...and never do.

It bothers me when people say child-free people are selfish...I don't even think selfishness is a bad thing when in small quantities, but I don't agree that child-free people are selfish for their decision. If I had kids, they'd be miserable. So would I. How is it selfless to have kids when you know you don't really like them or for sure don't want to raise them? How is that fair to the kids and how is that fair to a person's marriage?

But thankfully you realize the difference between liking kids and raising them. If raising kids were as easy as making them, it would be a different story for many!

Oh, believe me, i am not goint to change my mind about this matter and have kids just because people tell me i should, but i am just the kind of person who feels guilty easily *lol*. Luckily i am dating a wonderful man who is a perfect match for me, especially in this area, as he is older than i am and has already had children in his previous marriage. His kids are all grown up (the youngest just graduated high school this past year) and he has no desire to "start all over again" with a baby.

angie828, it is SO refreshing every time I see a parent or parent hopeful defending the right to choose having children or not. Thank you so much for not being judgemental even though you do want kids and others don't. It is hard to find people who desire kids that don't mock the child-free or think we are just evil people. The world is a much better place because of people like you! :)

Good,i am glad i am not the only person who gets annoyed by nosy people who insist upon making comments such as that! Sometimes, just to see he looks on their faces, i just want to make some comment about how i am not having children because i can't for some medical reason, as opposed to because i choose not to!

And just to add, i mean to offence to and readers out there who truly cannot have children because of medical reasons, i know there are many people out there who desire to have children of their own, but cannot due to reasons beyond their control. Heck, at times i have even considered being a surrogate mother for such people, though i know that is a big commitment and would take a lot more consideration before ever taking tat step. For right now, the only way i would ever do it in a heart beat is for my best friend, who is gay. If he and his partner were ever to decide they wanted to have children, i would gladly supply the "womb" for them to do this through.

It REALLY surprises me that such people don't insist being there on the date of conception to make sure you, as a married couple, are living up to their standards. How rude and disgusting of people. Whether or not you have children, questions like these are ridiculous. It's not like they aren't going to know when/if your wife is pregnant or an adoption is processing! You will tell them when you two have decided...can't they respect that? Arg.

Hmm, I suppose people are asking us such questions because they had been asked these same questions when they were childless. It's like: "Hah! Now it's my turn to ask you." - you know that feeling? A tit for tat. Gosh, the next time I see these people, I'll just bring a pair of earplugs.

I only i could get away with wearing earplugs during most conversations with people like that! Unfortunatley they usually expect responses, and me saying something such as "Oh yes, that resturaunt down the street really does make the best chicken parmisagne", just because i didn't hear them, doesn't really answer their original question of "So when do you and *insert name of sinificant other here* plan on settling down and starting a family?"

I think some people just have nothing better to do with their lives...or maybe they just want everyone else to share in the misery or trials and tribulations they have gone through *lol*

Best of luck to you and your husband, if the fates deem it meant to be, it will happen for you, if not, then at least you have already come to terms with that.

Unless you are wanting to have a larger family, don't fall to the peer pressure. Thanks for responding though. It is interesting to find out that the pressures don't stop, even after you have a child.

And i thank you for respecting that choice. You brought up an interesting point in your response. There are so many people out there who have a child (or multiple children) and are unable to provide for them, or even CHOOSE not to provide for them in a way i feel all children deserve. It is interesting. I have often thought about this: Wouldn't it be interesting if there was like some sort of test you had to pass, or certain qualifications you had to met in order to be able to have children? I know this delves into the realm of a "big brother" type world, which i totally don't agree with, but i feel it would be more fair to children if their parents had to be able to prove they were able to take care of them before they were able to have them. As i said, i know this would never happen, and would be a huge invasion of ones human rights, but it is interesting to think about.

See, now that is exaclty the kind of statement i can't stand, sorry and no offense to you but "having a baby is actually having more in life" seems to make a judgement on me, and others like me, who choose not to have children. It seems to say that because we are not mothers or fathers, we are not living our lives to the fullest. I don't believe this is true. In my mind, i don't feel i COULD live my life to the fullest with a child. I feel i would have to make sacrifices and give up much of what i want to do in order to take care of a child, which would then just cause me to regret my own children, and woudlnt make a happy life for any of us.

fruitcakeliz, no surprise here but I agree with you. For people who are meant to be parents, yes, having kids is adding more to their life. But I am living life to the fullest...and if I were to become a parent, it would be nothing but the opposite. Raising a kid when you wanted it is hard enough...raising one when you don't want to be a parent is completely different. It's not right at all to the kids and it's certainly not right for the parents involved.

Life is awesome just the way it is for me without kids. Adding them would only be regressing and counter-productive. I thank God everyday because I don't have kids. For some people, they can't imagine how my life isn't void, or how yours isn't void, Liz, without kids. That's why people have individuality, and this is the reason opinions and beliefs differ. Some see no reasons not to have kids, and I've never seen one sole reason for having them.

Well now, that is an interesting comment but i don't see how it relates at all to the subject of the conversation. Thanks, but don't respond if you don't have something to add.

Yes, i suppose their is the point of veiw that not having children is good for the world, as the world is a crowded and over populated place to begin with, but at the same time, people should have the right to choose. I know in China, and probably other countries, they have places limits on the number of children that a person can have, which i don't believe is fair. But i also don't believe that people should just keep having more and more children just to carry on the family name. Or, as is sometimes a problem inthe US, to get more and more money from the government. (i am not passing judgement on those who recieve help form our government, but i have heard of and seen people who have more kids just so they can bring in more money per month, which i don't think is fair to us as taxpayers, let alone to the children who aren't really wanted by their parents except for the fact that they bring in a paycheck)

Amen sister! *lol*

I totally love the part about taking friends kids out and having a good time with them (and giving their mother and father a little break and some alone time too) and then being able to drop them off later and god back toy our own life. It is fun while it lasts, bet a relief when it is over!

I will second that AMEN for sure :)