Lonlier WITH someone than when actually all alone
By PeacefulWmn9
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
United States
July 31, 2009 4:18pm CST
This is something a bit odd I discovered whenever in the company of someone just not right for me: that I was more lonely in the same room or in the company of that person than I was when actually all by myself.
Have you ever experienced this? Any ideas why it might feel that way??
Thank you ahead of time for responses and tips.
Karen4 people like this
8 responses
@dpk262006 (58679)
• Delhi, India
1 Aug 09
Hi there!
I think it has something to do with our mental state of affairs, when even we are sitting with someone, we just do not enjoy his/her company because his/her wavelength does not match with us or may be we are not comfortable hearing his/her blah! blah!...blah!.....blah!. If we land up in this kind of scenario, we think in our heart of heart that had we been alone, we could have enjoyed ourselves better. I also sometimes feel the same situation and I better leave the place, if possible.
@dpk262006 (58679)
• Delhi, India
3 Aug 09
Hi Karen!
Thanks for appreciating my response and my view point. I feel glad to read your positive comments.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
4 Aug 09
The pleasure is always mine to read your opinions and learn of your experiences, Deepak. :))@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hi Deepak. I think you have something here about just not being on the same wave length as another. At one time, I didn't realize that being alone can be preferable to being "lonely" with someone, but I now know that is indeed the case. I always appreciate your insights...thank you!
Karen
@macdingolinger (10385)
• United States
31 Jul 09
Yep, you just described my marriage... I am no longer married. But the lonliness I experienced while single could never even be compared to the lonliness i had while married. I'll take the lonliness of being single any day. Nothing as bad as being with someone and being alone!
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hello Macd...since I was referring to my own former marriage, I can obviously identify. Perhaps it has something to do with feeling invisible or like just another part of the woodwork to that other person. Like you, living alone after all was over felt much less lonely than having been with him. I wish you well :)
Karen1 person likes this
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
3 Aug 09
Bless you heart Macdingolinger, it sounds as if you had to break camp and get the heck on out of that mess. Well I thought about the same thing too but have children involved so I'm just going to stick it out for a little while longer and soon they will be grown and gone then I can go on my own too if I still choose. Good luck with your life, may you have much happiness and few lonely days and nights. Happy mylot!
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
4 Aug 09
Hello City...having children involved does change things, unless there is imminent physical or emotional danger involved. Then, even those lovely children are better off when not in such a situation.
Karen
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
3 Aug 09
Hi Karen!
I feel, we could be lonely and sometimes lonelier even amidst a lot of people and not loneli even when in solitude. I love spending me-time and some of my creativity has flourished amidst solitude. Solitude has been a happy one for me. Luckily! What you said there is absolutely true with me. I find it uncomfortable and seconds seem hours when with people I cannot relate to. I am an introvert person and taking the first move when I am not comfortable gets difficult.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
4 Aug 09
Hello Mimpi. Like you, I have learned to embrace solitude and feed the creativeness or spirit within rather than to be with the wrong person or people just to avoid my own company.
Alone, or alone with God, is preferable.
Karen
@EliteUser (3964)
• Australia
27 Sep 09
Hey,
Well I think it is because the other person almost seems like they are not their. But in actual fact, they are their, and they might not be talking to you. So you think that you are even more lonelier subconsciously. Make sure you have a good day, God bless and Happy Lotting!!
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Yes, that makes a great deal of sense. Even in someone's presence, if we know their heart or mind or elsewhere, it feels lonely!
Thank you for your response.
Karen @Citychic (4067)
• United States
3 Aug 09
Lonlier with someone than when actually alone........
Hummm, well this sort of thing tend to happen when you've lost almost all feelings for the other person. You could try to get those feelings back by trying to see the good in them, as I'm a firm believer that there is something good inside of just about everyone. "Notice I said Just about everyone
". Anyhow, try to allow the good that is inside of you to see the good that is inside of him and who knows what sort of things might begin to happen. When you mention being lonely even though he is there with you. Believe me my dear, you are not alone. There are many many marriages that are going through this very thing, even mine. The way I deal with it is by taking it day by day. As we never know what one thing might turn things around. Who knows, it might even be that goodness inside of you that he will see and it will change something inside of him. Wishing you all the best, Happy mylot!
". Anyhow, try to allow the good that is inside of you to see the good that is inside of him and who knows what sort of things might begin to happen. When you mention being lonely even though he is there with you. Believe me my dear, you are not alone. There are many many marriages that are going through this very thing, even mine. The way I deal with it is by taking it day by day. As we never know what one thing might turn things around. Who knows, it might even be that goodness inside of you that he will see and it will change something inside of him. Wishing you all the best, Happy mylot! @PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
4 Aug 09
Hello Citychic. Sometimes, no matter how hard one tries, things deteriorate to the point of danger. Without being too depressing, this is what happened in my marriage, and for safety and sanity, I had to leave it.
Your advice, however, is most excellent. And as you said, we are never truly alone when we walk in faith. Sometimes, one longs for a compatible and kind significant other, but I have learned that being alone is preferable in the human sense than being lonely when with the wrong, or a dangerous, person.
Thank you for your kindness and your wisdom, and God bless you.
Karen
@homeshoppers (6166)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
yes, i sometimes feel that way.. they said its life exhaustion. and u feel like u didnt appreciated everything and that ur tired of something hat u dont know why...
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hello there. Life exhaustion can be one explanation, or relationship exhaustion perhaps. No one likes to feel unseen or unappreciated, as you mentioned. Thank you for the input. :)
Karen
@quarvalsharess (986)
• Malaysia
31 Jul 09
hmm.. I never have experienced something like that.. Not really I think.. But is it when you guys just treat each other like you're not there? Would that be like why you say it's lonely?
Cause I don't feel lonely most of the time when I'm with my other half.. Unless he's asleep... Sometimes I think though I would need more space for myself..
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hello Quar...may you never experience it. Perhaps it is a result, one-sided in my own experience, of being treated as though you are not even there by another that does make for the lonliness. I do know that one can also have too much closeness, as you've hinted at, as well as not enough.
Karen
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
i have experienced it. like when i had a quarrel the night before and havent patched up and am given a cold shoulder the next day, and being ignored. oh my! it is better being alone.
thank you for this discussion.
ann
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hello Ann. I remember times like you've described, and yes, being alone feels far better than that "cold shoulder." Thank you for your insight :)
Karen