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Being in love and loosing ones senses email this discussion to a friend?

myLot reputation of 90/100. sanjana_aslam (1850)   ranked 380 out of 23,366 in relationships3 months ago

.. it has been a though weekend for me .. am i really in love with this man, i am wondering after being his girlfriend friend for 14 years and married for 2 years now .. i still hate him for some "selfish" character he has ..

yes he has been my lover for so many years .. he never cheated me, he never hit me (oops only that once and i scractched him first so it does not count, he cares for me, he is gentle with me, he shares happy moments with me ..

But why?? why?? why does he treat my family so bad ... why cant he feel the pain of my mother, feel the need for my family to spend time with me .. or talk to me .. i stopped my family from visiting me.. i stopped visiting them ..

i do make phone calles to my family, i talk to them, i do visit them myself .. but they wonder if i am happy because there was no husband beside me all those times ..

But he is totally different with his home ... he makes calls 3 times a day, visits his sister in another state for 2 weeks stay, visits his family for 2 weeks stay

when we arrange for something in my home here .. he never ever called my family to join but he will call all his family members to come ... i dont want to call mine because of the humiliation they may be faced with as unwelcomed guests

I have always tried to be a good DIL even though, i am married to a difficult family

May god give peace to my parents and stop them from worrying about me!!

cheers

 
 
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tags:  love and life, family, relationships, life, marriage
 
1. myLot reputation of 98/100. boybato (524)   ranked 725 out of 23,366 in relationships   3 months ago

I think your husband's got some insecurities with your family or probably one of your siblings or relatives. But whatever that is, he sure got some reasons for it and most probably it's some issues he got himself. The best thing to do is to talk to him and ask him straight why. Basing it on what you have posted, he's a good husband to you so most likely he'll open it up to you and tell you why is he feeling that way towards your family. Though you're in love with him, he's being a good husband to you, it will never be enough and lead to a happy marriage if neither he or your family accepts one another. You can never stay that way and keep silent just because you love your husband. If such behavior goes on, sooner or later, the love that you have will be replaced by indifference because of how he treats your family. You might not picture it out happening in the future because of your love for him as of the moment and for the last 14 years but you can never replace your family just for him. You don't have to wait for that time to come because it might hamper your marriage and worse it could be too late. It's a serious issue that both of you must settle. Only both of you can resolve it and you must initiate the first move. Give importance to your husband and your family as well. That's what marriage is after all, union of two people and by union, he's already a part of your family. Make him realize that. It's so unfair on your part.


myLot reputation of 90/100. sanjana_aslam (1850)   ranked 380 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

hi boy ....

my husband is able to discuss for hours on his family and his family and his family but ...

well it is sad and pain but being a woman i guess it is a curse

cheers


myLot reputation of 98/100. boybato (524)   ranked 725 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

You've got to confront him and tell him on your part. It's not just a big slap on your face but a big insult to your marriage if he won't accept your family. It might not be pleasant but it's the best way (I think).

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2. myLot reputation of 94/100. indahfth (1375)   ranked 3,207 out of 23,366 in relationships   3 months ago

I also experienced the same thing with you. My husband did not care about my family. I always can not be there for my family. when my grandmother died, I could not come to the funeral. I was not allowed out of the house, because I had to keep the store.
I tried talking with my husband, but the answer is always because the store must be maintained.


myLot reputation of 90/100. sanjana_aslam (1850)   ranked 380 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

i guess most man are like that .. when it comes to their family they can leave whatever urgent for days without people to attend to them

cheers


myLot reputation of 94/100. indahfth (1375)   ranked 3,207 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

I also have the same opinion with you.

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3. myLot reputation of 94/100. allknowing (761)   ranked 1,702 out of 23,366 in relationships   3 months ago

Most of us go through this and it is unbearable when the man who we cannot live without does it. He is everything a woman would want but when it comes to his inlaws he draws a blank. At the same time it is not necessary that he should love his wife and also the baggage that comes along. Thank heavens he allows you to interact with your people and if you have no problem loving his people you are luckier than your husband because you have more people than he does. Take this in a positive way. After all love is something that cannot be demanded as it should be spontaneous.


myLot reputation of 90/100. sanjana_aslam (1850)   ranked 380 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

hi all ..

very tru indeed .. i have more people to love than he has .. wow thank you

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4. myLot reputation of 90/100. sudiptacallingu (7263)   ranked 1,250 out of 23,366 in relationships   3 months ago

Your pain permeates thru every word Sanjana… whatever I say will sound empty, so just know that as a daughter myself, I sympathize with you. Somehow I feel your courtship and marriage was not a very smooth affair and somehow your husband seems to be taking advantage of you. Just know that its difficult being a woman, more so in a society like India. Our faith and our fidelity are our only strength…if you can look yourself in the mirror, if you go to bed with a clear conscience, half your battle is won. The other half, sadly, cannot be won by you but do remember that we suffer the consequences of all our actions in this life here on this earth itself.


myLot reputation of 90/100. sanjana_aslam (1850)   ranked 380 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

wow!! you really cheered me dear sudip love you dear - i have actually won 3/4 of my battle

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5. myLot reputation of 69/100. summertymesboutq (123)   3 months ago

Yes this is a difficult family issue. I don't know where to begin in my response because there is so much to say. I don't know your religion but first I say pray. It seems to me that your husband is selfish and is being unfair about your feelings. It should not be a one way marriage. Now that you two are married it should be a fifty - fifty relationship. If his parents and family is ok to visit then so should yours. There should not be any disputes or brawls. The length of time you two have spent together, over the fourteen years, should have drawn both families closer by now. I think that you two should sit down and talk, I mean really talk because you don't want something like this to destroy what you have found in each other. Then get both families together and give it your all in order to make things work.


myLot reputation of 90/100. sanjana_aslam (1850)   ranked 380 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

hi summer ...

for the 14 years .. his family was against our marriage ...
his family claim my family have thought me "black magic" to seduce their son
his mother forbade me from eating at my own mothers house ..

I am angry because .. my husband, educated and holding high position can behave so cheaply in life towards my own family

cheers

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6. judy19989 (41)   3 months ago

I am still a human being,it is unclear how the two people's lives,and to the best of blessings to you. Hope all is well soon```

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7. myLot reputation of 99/100. ybonjoc (981)   ranked 856 out of 23,366 in relationships   3 months ago

I am having this problem too sometimes with my hubby. But i got his point, my family does not like him to be my husband before thinking that he is not the right guy for me.But now that we are together, I think my parents realize that he is not a bad person.He takes good care of me and is always protecting me.My family had accepted him now and we used to ok in the family, no more fights.
But then there is still the feeling of hesitation to my hubby of coming into our home for a visit.He does not want to sleep in our house during visits, so it is me and baby who is left in the home and he goes home to where is parents are.Sometimes, mom will wonder what is wrong with him, maybe he does not like our house?That is what my mom says when hubby is not around.But well of course, I know it is the humiliation that my hubby feels when he is home.
I think you need to think what could be the possible things that had caused your hubby treat your family that way.Or maybe you can simply ask him directly, why he is like that.I started sharing stories to my hubby about my family,of course when his mood is ok for sharing stories, and i can say that it is really effective because he had learned a lot from our family values and he get to know my family better and why they are like this and like that.


myLot reputation of 90/100. sanjana_aslam (1850)   ranked 380 out of 23,366 in relationships  3 months ago

his family are the ones who hate me and stopped us from getting married for 14 years

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8. myLot reputation of 94/100. gabs8513 (19800)   ranked 3,050 out of 23,366 in relationships   3 months ago

Sweet I think you need to have a word with him and ask him straight out why
There is no need for that kind of behavior unless they have upset him bad and then he should be adult enough to sort it out if they have
You also need to tell your Parents that you are fine, but you do need to get it out of your Husband why he is like this with your Family
I hope you will manage my thoughts are with you Sweetie
Big Hugs

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