I was a horrible kid, so how did I turn out like.............

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this? My last discussion was about my stepson, and one of the responses to it made me think very carefully about my own childhood and the difference between the kid I was and the adult I have become. When I think back to my early years before adoption, I cringe at that red haired ankle biter and thank God neither of my kids inherited my childhood traits. When I think back to my teen years and the severe angst I saddled myself, and by extension my parents, with, I wonder why they didn't slap me silly and turn me out into the street! When I think of my roaming twenties and the constant search for peace in my life, I find myself surprised I survived those years without descending into total madness. When I think of my thirties and my first marriage and motherhood, I have to pat myself on the back that mothering came much more easily to me than murder of my children's father. When I think of my forties and the changes I put myself and my children through, moving them across country and starting from scratch, I am still surprised that they are devoted to me and don't hold the uprooting of their lives against me. And now I am in my late fifties and when I think of how my life has settled and become the kind of the life my parents always envisioned for me, I have to look around and wonder when it happened and how, and give most of the credit to my current husband. We've had our battles to be sure, but somewhere over the last year, we found the balance of power and peace within and without that allows us to be ourselves and to give back to those who have been so important to our lives since we decided to become a couple. I suppose a cynic would say that I have simply gotten old and lost my fire (and yes that has been said), but I don't think that's true really. After all, my hair is still red! lol I think it's more that I have finally come to that point in my life where experience and life lessons paid attention to, have given me the perspective of kindness before all else. We can't all become rich and famous and leave a legacy of outstanding accomplishments that make it into history books. The best we can do is believe in the right to love and be loved and to do our damndest to weave that belief into the fabric of our existence on every level. What do you wonder about, pat yourself on the back for, or wipe your brow in relief at, when you look back on your life?