jokes

here are some of them:Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did. A Scotsman who was driving home one night,ran into a car driven by an Englishman.The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink."Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't youwant one, too?" he asked the Scotsman."Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone." A: I'm in a big trouble! B: Why is that? A: I saw a mouse in my house! B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap. A: I don't have one. B: Well then, buy one. A: Can't afford one. B: I can give you mine if you want. A: That sounds good. B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap. A: I don't have any cheese. B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap. A: I don't have oil. B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread. A: I don't have bread. B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house? A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.He looks up in the sky and says,"Is that the sun or the moon?"The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself." A man is talking to God. The man: "God, how long is a million years?"God: "To me, it's about a minute."The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"God: "To me it's a penny."The man: "God, may I have a penny?"God: "Wait a minute." Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Dont know if youve heard this one before ,but i bawled so loud 1st time i heard it. Radio exchange transcript... Bridge of Navy destroyer..Caution to craft,we ve picked you up on radar and you are on direct collision course with our vessel,Recommend you alter course to avert collision. Response: To vessel on collision course with us,i highly suggest you change your course to avoid a collision,you have 30 mins to do so. Destoyer: This is the HMS navy destroyer,we are a fully armed and equipped warship capable of blasting you out of the water if you fail to comply,recommend you change your course to avoid confrontation. Response: Well, we are hailing you from a Lighthouse..Your call!