PLANS AND FRIENDS: i need an advice!!!! i need to express my thoughts!!!
By alilin28
@alilin28 (1527)
Uruguay
January 7, 2010 8:25pm CST
hi people, how are you,, well, im writing this post, thinking in plans, the ideas we have when we decided to go out like vacations or just in life,, personally, im very organise person, i like all in the correct order, thinks like they do,, do you organize ideas or plans with your family or friends to have a nice moments with them? are you an schedule person??
now, im not in my best moment, i have a friend who invite me to stay some days in other city, that has beaches, sun, people, just like for teens or family,,{ well, the thing is that since monday, she started putting "stones" in the way, making or creating problems (for me, is just an invent), but i know her and i know she has a lot of problems, but today, happened all,, like when you said: well, im here, if you like, you can continue, for me, doesnt matter,, i dont know if u feell onces this emotion... she put problems with the time, the money, the weather, the tikets, and more,, today,, she made me change the time of the tickets 3 times! once because said,, oohh, i have to go to the bank to take out money,, second, ohh no, its too late,, third, ohh no, i dont like this time because its too early,, never she said me one possitive thing,,, just moments before, im was talking with my mother, and said me: for me, she doesnt want to invite you or she tries to not go with you and now she invents a lot of problems where doesnt exist"..
the last made by her was: i call to buy the tickets, and i bought it, and just minutes before she called me saing: the life is a piece of shi*t, i have a lot of problems, and bla bla bla,, and invent she hasnt have money because his daddy dont give her enough money (this is a lie made by her because she´s rich! has a looot of money!)
i hate when people doesnt respect the organization and plans and makes and changes always the plans,, for me, onces its okay, second, well i must have atention, but 3 times! its like a pain on my neck! its horrible! and the problem i not shout her is she is my friend, and i love her because its my friend, but all has a limit,, i dont know how i must do! its like a joke?
have you ever have this problem or similar with somebody in your life?
thanks people, i wrote this thinking that writing here its a posibility to take outside my mind and my body this problem! thanks all to the posibles advices!
1 response
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Hi, alilin28: I am going to paint a scenario that may upset you even more. I hope not. You appear to be very organized as you say. You want everything to be perfect and in order. The world needs people like you. Most of us need a friend like you. Here is the big BUT....... friends like you can be a pain in the you know what. We want to go off and have fun and we assume the details will work out in time. We know that things will get done somehow because we will get it done - maybe at the last minute, but done just the same. So what if we don't get the perfect seats or we have to take a later flight, or we have to stay in another hotel because the one we wanted is all booked. We just do not want to turn a fun thing into work.
But people like you can't operate that way. You know the tickets have to bought and reservations have to be made and you make your endless lists and you drive us crazy. We love you, but you won't relax.
Now that I painted that picture, is it possible that this is what is happening between you and your friend? Are you asking her so she can share in the planning, or are you trying to take charge? Maybe she doesn't "respect" the plans because she doesn't feel a part of them. She feels like you have made plans for her and she doesn't like that. She may not know how to tell you, so she tells you the little white lies to keep from hurting your feelings.
Try having a heart to heart talk with her and ask her if you are a little too pushy with your planning and organization. Let her know that you want to do this with her as friends and not take charge and do the whole thing your way only. After all, she must like you if she invited you.
The other possibility is that she found someone else that wants to go and does not know how to let you down easy. That would not be something that a friend should do to a friend; but you never know. Again, ask her. Clear the air. After all, you do not want to go if she does not want you along as a friend.
I hope you get to take the trip as you wish and have the time of your life.
@alilin28 (1527)
• Uruguay
8 Jan 10
yes, i can understand you,, but perhaps, i coudnt express well, i know that she invvited me to go with her outside,, and i respect her because is my friend and for the obvious reason: she invited me,, but the problem was that she gave me the responsability on myself to buy the tickets, and i change 3 times,, and also, always invent probles where doest exist,, sure, im respect her and her ideas, but if we are planning the travel together since 2 months, and just now she fall in account that has problems with the house, tikets, money (listen, we share the money, like half and half like food, water, and more,, nothing free)), air, life, parents, and etc? ,, i know she has some problems with her parents, and like a good friend, i give her advices and try to make quiet the situation, but in 2 days, per 1 on 2 days, the plannings are changed, and she has not a real reason, you know and feel when smebody has real problems and when somebody made lies!
i know tahat its too dificult write here and share the situation, but im feel like i have a limit, and this limit is enough! thanks friend to the advice! u said importants things that i cant forget! and you have reason!
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
8 Jan 10
I sense your frustration, and you have every right to be. Maybe your friend is having problems that she does not want to talk about. You mention that she has family problems. Sometimes it is hard to tell even your best friend what is going on when you are hurting inside. Ask her if she wants to postpone the trip for another time. Try not to be too upset with her. Give her a chance. Maybe with a little understanding she will open up and talk to you about what is really bothering her. I do understand how you feel. It hurts us when our friends shut us out and won't share their true feelings with us when all we want to do is help. Good luck.
