What to do when a family member starts lying for money?
By grayscythe
@grayscythe (174)
Philippines
April 8, 2010 4:55am CST
Hi everyone!
Well to start it's not actually my family.The problem is my wife's brother, recently he's been living with us away from their parents to go to college, and its actually his third or fourth university.i don't know much of the details as to why he keeps changing schools.
anyway, he is living with us now so he won't need to pay rent for boarding house and food.he's parents gives him allowance,he's eldest sister and my wife gives her additional allowance.but recently we noticed that he keeps asking for additonal allowance he visits my wife at her office to get more money, tehn he comes home very late at night and most arrives early in the morning saying he;s been spending time at his classmates house for a study session.
And that's not all, slowly all his gadgets disappeared, brandnew cellphone, sony digicam, psp, and recently the laptop(ASUS).he's reasons: he left it at school, he lost it on his way home, he might have dropped it somewhere, and lastly for the laptop he said he was robbed inside a bus!and lots of other reasons.
I know he's not my brother but i think it's really not fair and right for his family specially now that's he's far away from his parents, and that his sisters are supporting him to go to school but this is what they get.
So what do you think we/they should do to make everything right?anyone can give advise/guidance on how to handle things like these?
2 people like this
7 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
9 Apr 10
In my opinion if a person is going to lie about why they need the money maybe they don't deserve it. It's only common courtesy to be polite and tell the person to whom is lending you the money why you need it in the first place. If you can't tell them then chances are you don't really need it for anything good, or you don't need it hat bad. 
@grayscythe (174)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
I really agree with you cowgirl...no one should bother lying if he/she is gonna use the money for good purpose, and we'll really appreciate if he's using it for finishing his school,he can't be a burden for his family forever.by the way he is already 24 yrs old.and oh...we're not lending him money.we give him the money.
@grayscythe (174)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
well we're giving him so much already...
all he really need is allowance for school,the eldest sister gives him allowance for the whole week sometimes with extra so he can also watch movies, then his parents also gives him monthly allowance, we provide everything he needs at home, and my wife also gives him money from time to time wouldn't it be enough for a second year irregular college student?
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
8 Apr 10
To me it sounds like he's not going down the right track and he may be hanging around with the wrong people. If these things keep getting stolen, I'm thinking that perhaps he's just pawning them for extra money. I would definitely confront him, he's living in your house and should respect you and your wife. He should be justifying why he needs the money in the first place, and if he is really studying with these people you should tell him he can bring them to your house, if he refuses then I'm thinking something is up. If he doesn't refuse, I'd still be on guard because well you never know what's going on there.
It seems like the boy needs help, especially if he's gone through so many university's as is.
@grayscythe (174)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Thanks cowgirl...
before we were thinking of the same thing since he already did that in the past pawning items but he actually tells it to his family when he pawns something because he wants them back and we find all those receipts hanging around but now it's really different.well as of his friend we don't know. he doesn't tell us.
maybe before we do confront him we need to discuss this first to his family.but seriously i really don't know what to after we do confront him.how can we really make him change his ways?
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
9 Apr 10
So he pawns them and keeps the receipts so he can get them back eventually once he has the money again? I'm not quite sure how that works to be honest, lol. I am not sure what else to tell you, I just hope it all works out for you and your family!
@saizo6 (2199)
• United States
27 Apr 10
There's obviously something going on with your brother-in-law. I'd hate to jump to conclusions but whatever it is he's into it cannot be good if he's always needing money and probably going so far as to sell off (?) all his stuff for it. There's no way all those stuff can just disappear or be lost. I can kind of understand your reluctance to approach him so your best bet would be to discuss it over with your wife and then both of you sit him down and have a chat with him. You're really going to have to get to the bottom of this. It's only going to continue and you never know, he might get in too deep (in whatever it is he is doing). I mean, it's your guys' money so you should be able to ask what he's using it on. If he doesn't fess up play hardball and tell him that you won't be giving him anymore allowances. Make him go find a part time job or something (that sounds kind of mean but that's what I had to do when going to school, my parents didn't give any allowances).
@reckon21 (3477)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
It doesn't take a genius to guess what that young man is actually doing in his school time. I think he is really not entering school for quite sometime and all the his missing gadgets were already sold out and who knows what he do for the money. Anybody from your family must check the school if he still attend school regularly.
Check all his friends and investigate before it's too late to save him.
I think he is up to something...some bad activities that might ruin his future so it's better to act now or lose him.I been through with that kind of situation before and I always skip school until my parents knew about it and I was bring back to light again.
@grayscythe (174)
• Philippines
9 Apr 10
Their eldest actually went to school and found out that one school payment didn't make it.They sent some money to him to pay for school fees but guess what it's not on the school record so they didn't allow him to take his finals...very frustrating situation on the part of family members thats supporting him.he's just wasting their money.huh! I'll just wait for their decision first after they discuss things with him.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
9 Apr 10
This is a big problem. if not addressed, the problem will be further widened. you better be a good talk, to your wife first. and then talk about his brother. indeed very difficult to speak directly, but this must be done, so the problem is not more complicated.
@unstopabble (452)
• Philippines
8 Apr 10
well, you must treat him innocent until proven guilty of wrongdoings. you can investigate if you really care. ask his friends hi classmates his teachers so you would know whats bothering him. he might have a big problem that he cant tell openly with his family.
if you find out that he is just wasting his money and time for his bad vices,you must not confront him immediatley or be angry at him. you must think why he becomes like this? what are the factors? from it you can have the solutions, to bring him at the right track again.
dont forget to show that inspite of this you stil love him.and this love will wake him up from this bad behavior of his.
