in think i know what he wants now
By laken02
@laken02 (3065)
United States
April 6, 2012 11:00pm CST
as most of you know me and my hubby have been having problems and my marriage is somwhat shakey. but i think i have finaly figured out what my husband wants of me and why we have had alot of problems.. i was talking to my best friend and she told me that i liked to argue even with her and i thought about it and i have been that way since a kid.. and today while i was driving it was like it hit me.. almost like
God had said it.. and i know what i can work on now to see if it will help my marriage. just listen to my husband even if i think he is wrong and just keep quite and not argue .. my husband is a very smart guy and usualy he is the one who is right almost every time.. so not only that.. but the little voice said for me to become a listener more then a talker like i use to be in high school. i was the one everyone came to for advice because i was always quite and i have wanted to be that person again for a long time now.. becasue then i never got in trouble and everyone liked me.. and now its all the opposite my mother and i had the fallen out, my sister and brother and then my hubby...so i need to take that as a wake up call and
make the change now and i almost bet within a month i will see a difference.. it is terrible to say but the day my mom left and moved to china.. was the best thing she could ever have done for me... now i see it is me and i can except that i need to change.. and i want that.. so when my mom does come back into my life i will know how to be the best daughter she will see the difference and just maybe my whle family will be back as one.. i miss that.. we had good times but i was a different person then.. my sister and i have been fighting for years and now i know that i need to change me.. and only i can do that.. and i can becasue before i would not admit it was my fault.. instead i would feel sorry for myself .. so thank God i have seen the light.. and starting today im making the changes for the better today was the start of a new beginning.. and it has been the best day.. how is your family life and do you need to make changes or are you fine with who you are..
2 people like this
7 responses
@Teep11 (7673)
• United States
7 Apr 12
Communication is key in any relationship. If you continue arguing with your spouse you could run him away. Men like attention and they really dislike nagging. I'm sure that he loves you but is experiencing frustrations because there's some distance between the two of you. You guys should get together and communicate with one another because it sounds like you guys need to get to know one another better. The marriage can be saved if both parties are willing to work at it.
2 people like this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
9 Apr 12
That's all true, but what about his duty to her? She needs love and attention too. She needs to know that she matters. I don't feel that she needs to make everything her fault just so that her husband won't leave her. I feel that they both do stuff wrong, not just her. She married him, so he had to know what she was like when he married her. I doubt that's the problem.. I bet it's more of an excuse to do what he wants to do. It's really sad. I hear her saying if she can only be good enough he will love her.
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
8 May 12
i think you are both right, men hate nagging or at least mine does so i try not to anymore, and it is a 50/50 deal we both need to work on things together however rigth now, i know it starts with me , i had to get myself to were i felt like i was worthy and now that i have my job , i feel much better, being able to help pay bills or help buy grocerys is so nice and even having money kef tover is ncie to just get out and have money and my own money means alot.. and i feel hubby is happier now that im working and i feel he see the change in me as well and in his own time he will come around and things will get better,i hope we can all be a family again including my daughters both of them..take care
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 May 12
I'm fine but then again I don't argue. If I can't get along with someone I walk away. I rather they think I'm wrong and I know I'm right than to fight and Never get anywhere. But with husbands I would go into marriage assuming Everything I think will not be listened to and the Husband's views were the only one that matters. That is why I will never marry.
I hope everything is better now. I'm coming late to this post. Have you spoken to your mom? Your sister?
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
8 May 12
I'm glad I could help. Your mom sound like a great, helpful woman. I have a feeling she is going to stay where she is needed the most , with her brother in law. But at least she is Way closer than in China! I hope everything works out with your daughter. There is always hope.
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
8 May 12
yes , my mom has came back from china, she came back early becasue she got home sick, so she called me and we got together and i took her out to eat and we got the grandbaby and played with him for awhile she said she really missed him, she use to keep him alot when he was little he is 2.now..
as for my sister i have not spoke to her and im not sure if or when i will, maybe when my mom getts settled in where ever she is going my if my sister comes in to visit her maybe we can talk then,.. mom is not sure were she will be stating rigth now she in a anther town about 30 minutes from me staying with her brother in law and helping him and his famiy out, he is old and cant drive and is very un healthy and his wife my mom's sister is in a nursing home probably for good..
so she has been cooking cleaning and driving him to see his wife.. she first ask me if she could live with us and i told her she could.. then she tells me she is needed there were she is at.. so im not sure what she will do im just letting her make up her own mind and not pushing her..
thanks for asking, i prayed she would come home every day and God answered my prayers now i pray for me and my sister, and my oldest daughter she is staying with me now.. not sure if it will work.. but were trying for now ... take care and thanks for being my friend..
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
7 Apr 12
How very insightful of you. And your friend, I'm sure it wasn't easy to hear that from your friend. Hearing a hard truth is never easy.
I know that we had to have words with our new roommate about telling the truth.
Lies by omission are as bad as the outright lie, and can be worse because they have some of the truth in them.
Telling someone that "You don't need it today" ISN'T the same as telling them "You don't need it" and that critical word "today" was left out in the version she told.
She had a few of the things she wanted but she wasn't totally out yet, and I didn't feel up to facing the whole shopping list on a hot Friday afternoon. I already knew one thing was going to be hard to find.
I didn't want to go to Walmart with her because I would have to walk with her, when I'm alone or with her and the roommate, I can use the riding cart.
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
20 Apr 12
hey hope everything worked out good for you.. im doing better, i have a pt job that i love, im helping hubby pay some bills so we can save and i have my owwn spending money now so im pretty happy.. and so is hubby we get along better and
now my frinds wants a job where im at as well so im hoping they will hire her tooo that woould be nice,. take care and god luck always
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
Well good luck to you my friend at first I know it is very hard enough to change the way you are. And I know you can do it. But I can say that I'm agree with PQ she is right about that, it's not your fault for having a problems in your relationship. I've been in that situation before that's why I know it is hard to change what we used to be. I used to argue all the time and I don't want to accept any explanations from my ex until one day he told me so that I always started a fight by arguing. So I decided to change I thought maybe it is really my fault. So after all the changes still we ended up separating. My effort to change my habit of arguing doesn't change our relationship into good. The good thing now I have that attitude I never argue to anyone I tried to listen and sometimes give comments but never argue.
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
20 Apr 12
thanks for the comment and advice.. i know alot of it is my fault and i know he has faults too. but by me changing im not just doing it for him im doign it for me as well i have had enough heartache for every.. and its time i do something for myself to make the change and i did i got the pt job and i now have my own money and can help pay bills too and hubby has seen the much needed change and he ahs changed some as well and i hope it works out but if it dont i can say i really tryed and like you i dont want to argue anymore at all... take care
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
I think your husband really true that instead of talking and talking just listen first to understand what really is the matter to talk about...
I congratulate you that you see what the real aspect of life and hope someday nothing will be a big problem and remember to pray everything there is a problem because differences is not the hindrances of making couples to be happy as long as there is God behind
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
20 Apr 12
well things are looking up here for me and hubby, ever since i took this part time job that i really ,love he has treated me different and i have him as well.. so im happy to say for now i am really in a good place and i even have money to help put with bils and spendning money for me as well i thank God for all he has given me including my husband and this wonderful job..
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
9 Apr 12
Hi Laken,
Do yo even see what you are doing here? You have the exact symptoms of battered wife syndrome. You are internalizing everything and making it your fault, so that if you change enough your husband and mother will love you and tolerate you enough to have you in their lives. You can’t be that bad. I’m not saying you don’t have to work on things, but it’s a two way street. If he wants to leave you, he will find an excuse, no matter how good you make yourself. I’m sorry to see you feel you have to change your whole character to make people like you.
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
20 Apr 12
thanks for believing in me.. i really appreciate that, just a quick up date if you dont already know i have got me a pt job now and i love it so far and i feel like i have changed not for my hubby but i made the change for me.. i had let depression effect my life to where i did not care if or how i did anhything i felt un worthy and unloved.. and i got way down.. and now that i have the job not only od i get to get out of the house and meet all kinds of people i have my own money to help with bills and some spending money as well so at work everyone tells me what a great job i do and i even get tips :) and hubby now treats me different
as well not just becasue of the job , but becasue he see now i do care... and i want to be the best person i can be , for me..
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
20 Apr 12
Yes I remember you got a job. I'm really proud of you. I'm so glad things are looking up for you.
@shenlynn7823 (640)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
wow! that's great...I just hope everything will be okay then...In our family,I am the middle person...I am the speaker of the house as what they call it.If one is upset of the other, I am the negotiator....and although it is a good thing,sometimes I get tired too that instead of them talking directly and resolve what conflict they have, they tend to go to me first and it somewhat irritating too that even if I'm doing something,I have to stop just to be in between-and I'm proud to say that in our family we don't let the day end without resolving a conflict but then because also of being always the middle person my anger is just imaginable and I guess just because of it,my anger becomes often and that's one thing I wanna change within me.
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3065)
• United States
20 Apr 12
its good that you have the ability to be the one who can change things , i like that alot, and i use to be kinda like that in school i was the one who just listened and always wasa peace maker, i would love to be that way again.. but im on the right track , im working pt now at a job and i really like it and have extra money now for bills and spending.. hubby is happy as well
