 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
back.
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....
Sardar's wish:when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens .
because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.
Sardar: Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher: How?
Student: Ladies first.
Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master: Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Mumbai.
1st thief: Oh! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions
Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan”
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."
..
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives!?!!!?!
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a
positive side!
It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!
The Equation:
7 Glance= 1 Smile
7 Smile= 1 Meeting
7 Meeting= 1 Kiss
7 Kisses= 1 Proposal
7 Proposal= 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.
Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: The moon.
Teacher: Why?
Pupil: The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colours do you have?
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher: Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam: It's a family tradition.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Sam: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher: What about your mother?
Sam: She's a woman.
Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.
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