|  By now, most of you have read at least part of my profile. There seem to be a few key things that people pick up on out of all of that jargon I've spewed. The biggest one, strangely to me, is the one I thought would be the least offensive statement I could make about myself.
I do not take compliments well.
People will write to me to let me know that they passed on by my page, gave it a read and thought I was… well, Awesome. Sometimes in those words, sometimes in others. I always feel flattered.
Somewhere in that message they will indirectly quote me, usually with something like: "I know you said you don't take compliments well, but…" and then pay me one anyway. I've even had people come back and write a second e-mail saying: "Whoops! I didn't see the part about you not taking compliments well. Sorry about that."I felt it was time to clarify what I mean by that statement.
The other night I was on the phone with a friend, talking about how there is always this unspoken need to compete between women. (Hell, sometimes it's spoken as well.) I thought back to when I was growing up. All of my female friends, the limited number of them, were all hotter than me.
Did I have a problem with that? No. I've always learned to take people for what they show to me. If you don't give me bullshit and are polite and considerate to me then I will think you are an OK person. I won't care if someone else has a beef with you, even if that other person is someone I consider a friend.
The phrase most commonly said by me whenever I hear someone talking s**t about someone else and looking for back-up? "They've never been anything but nice to me, so I'm staying out of this."This meant that I made friends with just about everyone and alienated those who chose to be upset with me for not being mad at someone that they were mad at. I refuse to think ill of someone just because someone else thinks I should. Well, unless that person is a really close and trusted friend. I might give their opinions a little more consideration. But for the most part, if I've met the person that they're talking about and that person wasn't an as*hole to me then I leave the argument between the two of them and stay out of it.
I deviated from my point. When I mentioned that all of my female friends were hotter than me, I was trying to illustrate that I wasn't intimidated to be friends with good looking females just because they were better looking than me. I was never bitter or petty about it. If they were kind and considerate to me, that was all I needed.
Keeping that kind of company can do a number on your self esteem. Especially when you have proof in front of you that no matter how smart, nice or funny you are, you will be the second choice over the most visually appealing person.
I understand the complaints of the self-proclaimed "nice guys." I was surrounded by male friends from the time that I was in kindergarten. Not always because I was a tomboy, but because I didn't understand feminine logic. Hating someone just because of how they looked or what they wore. As a kid, I just wanted to play. As a teen, I just wanted to have fun without turning everything into a dramatic battle. It ended up being easier for me to have male friends.
So I heard the standards. "You're the coolest chick I know." This was a compliment and I took it as such. It wasn't just my close friends that would say it either. Guys that I would meet would tell me such after a short while. Guys that I thought – hey! – I might want to do you!Then they would see my friend Dawn. She was sweet and even quite smart. But she had issues (most of which were brought on by abuse in her past and not her fault). She was a bi*ch to most guys that talked to her. She was walking drama for the male species. But she had a Playboy bunny figure with long flowing blonde hair and a dazzling smile.
Guess who the guys would still pick?What all of that did to me over the years was build up a sense of dubiousness when I would get complimented. Not that I would doubt that they thought I was smart. Not that I would doubt that they thought I was funny or nice or pretty.
That they only would think that until something better came along.
When I say that I have a hard time taking compliments, it is for that reason. Sure, you all think I'm Awesome now, but that's just because you haven't met someone MegaAwesome yet.
So I take the compliments and they really do mean a lot to me. I just don't handle them well, if you catch my drift. I know how to say thank you and I know how to be grateful. I just don't know how to get myself to just take a compliment for its face value.
I know that I only give compliments if I really mean them, so I suppose I should just accept that other people could quite possibly be doing the same thing.
Still… I wouldn't get the amusing e-mail if I did that, now would I?
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