Redefining Words   

Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma - n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph - v. To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle - n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller.

Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.