Last Minute Christmas Gift - Joke share yours   

Serious Medical Problem

Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New York's finest hospitals and during her tour of the wards she passed a room where one of the male patients was masturbating.

"Oh God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where his testicles fill up rapidly jan with semen. If he doesn't do what he is doing at least 5 times per day, he could swell up and he might die"

"Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen, "I was unaware that such a medical condition existed."

On the same floor they soon passed another 22 room where a young, blonde nurse was performing oral sbvex on another patient.

"Oh my God," said the Queen, "What's happening here?"

The doctor replied, "Same problem, better feb health plan."

********
Firm This Up!

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her bottom and said,

"You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of 20 your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the brbeast and said,

"You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bbra."

This was beyond a feb silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the pbenis. With a death grip in place she said,

"You know if you firmed this up we could 21 get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother."

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Stupid On The Beach

A mother and father took Little johnny to a nubde beach. 21 As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.

She told Little johnny, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Little johnny, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger willies than his dad. oamHis mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with this answer, the 005 boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He 006 promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

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Damaging Food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs are enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. 07 Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.

Can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly
said, "Wedding cake."

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Remember The Wife

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy hum asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed.

"Anything for your wife ?" he asked.

"Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring 20 up a postcard

A blind man in a store
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Gifts

One day The Lord spoke to Aadam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.
Aadam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new oragans for you, one is called a brain. It will allow
you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eave. oamThe other organ I have for you is called a paenis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and 2007 populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to feb give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon hum Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."

**
Small Compensation

A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own 005 shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,”

he says. “I puked on 22 my shirt again. If the wife 21 finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”

“Not to worry,” says the ba07 rtender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her

someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”

So the drunk goes home and tells his ok wife feb jan about the guy who puked on him. She reaches

into his pocket and finds tjawo twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.

The drunk replies, “Oh, yea nh, he crapped in my pants, too.”

Two men were down the pub talking. The first man said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible !" The second man says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God!" "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Easy...Every night she places a burnt offering before me!"