Windows is the solution!

Oh microsoft a question!real great stuff

Shrewd Investment
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer approaches her and says:
"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

A college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's not that tired, so
he's gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he's reading,
and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun
spot... "Kitza kitza..."
She says, "Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and
teasing me like that?"
He says, "I'm not teasing you. I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the
page."


Joan, a rather20 well-proportioned & near-sighted secretary, spent almost
all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a
bathing suit the first few days, but always removed her gles for an
even facial tan. After several days she decided that no one could see her
way up there, so she slipped out of her suit for an overall tan. She'd
hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying
on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me,
miss," said the flusteredsat little istant manager of the hotel, out of
breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind your sunbathing
on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit
as you have for the past week." "What2200 difference does it make?" Joan asked
rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a
towel." "Not exactly," said the embarred little man. "You're lying on
the dining room skylight!"

little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind
a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!"
"Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."
"But dad, look how20 big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"
"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"
Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off.
"Look out dad, she's backing up!"

The other day mysat house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't
be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and
theft."
Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the
house is robbed 2200while it's burning down.


The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a
policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run
me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could
you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!" he replied.

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several
bystanders ran over to help the driver. A women was the first to reach the
victim, but a man20 rushed in and pushed her aside. 'Step aside, lady,' he
barked. 'I've taken sata course in first-aid!' The women watched for a few
minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But when
you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.'

@@@
A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going
into labor!"

The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her2200 first child?"

He says, "No! This is her husband!"



@@
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and
announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas
baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender
recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby
that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh
now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some
weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty
pounds, didn't he? What happened?
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"

A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."
She says, "What color?"
He says, "Just give me white. I'll color it myself."
@@
The world's greatest hypnotist20 is on stage in front of hundreds
of people swinging a long chain with a watch on the end.
He's saying, "You're all in my power...you're all in my power.."
Fifteen hundred people are going, "Oooo..."
He starts to say it again, "You're all in my...", when he
accidentally drops the watch.
He says, "."
It took them two weeks to dig everybody out.
@@@
Cronin goes to a barber shop satto get his hair cut. The barber cuts his
hair, and after he gets done, as Cronin gets up and is taking out his
money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber
shop. The barber finishes and comes back.
As Cronin hands him a twenty-dollar bill, he says, "Listen, it's...it's
none of my business, but...why would you take2200 a piss in the corner of your
barber shop?"
The barber says, "Hey, my lease is up in two weeks...do I care?"

The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum, Dr Michael MacDonald
was in America. An old lady fixed her gaze on his 17th Century
sporran and asked, "What, exactly, do you keep in your scrotum?"
@@
A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment.
"Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spends
three hours every night in your apartment?"
Mrs Smith replied. "Its a platonic friendship. Its play for him and a
tonic for me."
Weill and Mahoney had 21started with only five hundred dollars
between them, but they had built up a computer business with
sales in the millions. Their company employed over two
hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes.

Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply,
former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill
and Mahoney blamed each other sunfor the troubles, and they
parted on unfriendly terms.

Five years later, Weill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped
for a cup of coffee. As he was wiping some crumbs from the
table, a waiter approached. Weill2200 looked up and gasped.

"Mahoney!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing,
seeing you working as a waiter in a place like this."

"Yeah," Mahoney said, curling his lip. "But I don't eat here."