Am I a bad mother? What is wrong with me?

A break? What is that? I guess that could definately be my problem. My hubby usually takes care of the kids for a while in the evening when he gets home but that's all the break I get.

I know how you feel, I have 9. I never get a break from all of them at once...it's very hard!

I'm talking about a real break...GET OUT OF THE HOUSE,AWAY FROM THE KIDS!! FAR AWAY!! lol

Just thought of this.....I just started taking a parenting class and one of the first things they told us is that when we don't take care of ourselves, it affects the whole family. We get cranky and take it out on everyone. We need the breaks, we need the rest. You can't be supermom 24/7/365! We have to take a break or we will break! So, come on...go make plans for a night out with the girls for Saturday! Have a great time! Leave all your worries at HOME!!! Pretend you don't have kids for a couple hours! You deserve it!

Oh man you must think I sound silly. Nine children I don't see how you can do it. You are a stong woman.

After I take this break You think I will really be back to mormal? I mean I feel mental ya know? I hope that's all I need.

I think it helps tremendously! You feel like your you again for a couple days and then your ready to be mommy again. It don't solve all your problems but it's a nice stress easer!. I'm about ready to duct tape all mine together right now (just kidding), they are snapping eachother with towels, so I'm sorry, I have to go. I REALLY need a break too, can I come with you? Please? Please? lol

Absolutely you can come. We'll all take a huge Mylot cruise or something LOL. that made me feel a little better to laugh. Thanks.

in my personal opinion, you MUST have a relax! you must go out!!!!!!you have a holideay but...ALONE!!!without soon and husband;)

i agree you definatey need a break, honestly I know how you feel, I have son who is almost 5 and a 6 month old daughter and Im pregnant with #3, and I am home with them all the time, when my husband comes home he will play with them, but as far as all the work goes its on me, and my son is really bad to come get in my face to talk to me if i am on the phone or something and do not answer him right away, I can not stand for someone to get in my face so it really bothers me, i try not to yell at him for it but to teach him its not polite and not to do it, but it is taking a while for him to catch on, he is adhd and visually impared also so it gets a little difficult sometimes just dealing with him, much less a 6 month old who is spoiled to someone catering to her every whim (thanks to daddy and grandparents, my husband feels that I should not let her sit and cry sometimes, he says its mean, but he doesnt understand how stressful it is when she is spoiled and will cry just to be held, she is a complete lap baby, she thinks I shouldn't even go to the restroom with out holding her), So I feel you and understand completely, you are not a bad mom, you just need a break

Thanks for such a wonderful response I am sorry you are haveing such a rough time too. Hopefully you can get a break soon too.

That sounds fun, I have only had a babysitter once or twice since they were born. Sometimes I feel like I have given all I can possibly give of myself and nothing is ever given for me ya know? I don't mind it most of the time I enjoy being a mother and wife but I sure feel unappreciated lately.

Yes, you definitely need a break. I usually catch an early, cheaper movie. Like Sundays after church or something. You definitely just need som "me" time for yourself. You do definitely need to take care of yourself and that will make you a better parent. (Oh, I didn't mean you were a bad one, just that it'll help you feel and act better - more patience, less annoyed).

I don't know if we have a program like that or not but I will definately check it out. I really don't feel comfortable leaving my children with people though. I have just heard so many horror stories I want to protect them all I can.

I feel the same way too, but how about your relatives? Do you have any that live near by?

That is so sweet of you and I may have to take you up on that offer. I just feel inaddequate because of my actions and that makes me feel even worse ya know? I really wish I lived near the beach it is so refreshing and relaxing. Thanks again.

So well put. Thank you for sharing that.

Yes I am at my breaking point I believe. I appreciate your response and I hope I can get a break soon.

I hope so also since it is stress like this that causes a person to do something they greatly regret later! Get a babysitter and take a night out! Have some fun before it is too late!!!

I don't even know how to go about getting time for my self. I mean I know I get a babysitter and go out but frankly I'd feel lost without the kids I think. I really wouldn't even know where to go. They are like my arms ya know they go everywhere with me.

Yes, it sounds to me too like you need some time to yourself more often. That would probably help your nerves a lot. I feel so badly for you. I know that you are trying your hardest to be a good mother. It shows so much care that you are even worrying about it to the point of posting here and wanting advice. At least you are really worried about the fact that you are getting upset and having a hard time dealing with your children, instead of just yelling at your kids all the time without a feeling of remorse. I know that you are a great mother and you just need some time to relax and take care of yourself so that you can better take care of your kids.

Thank you so much shywolf that makes me feel good to hear that. I try to be a good mother I really do but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I keep hearing that it gets easier and I am still waiting. It's not always bad though it is just certain days that drive me batty.

yes its right tht u need a break and like bawasaki said u can find out other moms like u in ur neighbourhood and spend some time with them out with ur kids....they will play alltogether and u will hv some gr8 time exchanging ur experiences, tht will help u to cope up with the situation.
another thing i think which is more frustrating u is'not getting appreciated' right? so whn u meet other women like u tht thing alos u can share and get their experiences and ideas too. aask ur husband to look after ur kids for whole day and go to ur friend all day, so tht he too will realise how u manage all those things and will appreciate ur efforts.

It can be very stressful at home with kids, but try not to get too stressed and try and enjoy your time with them.

Sweetie, one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself right now is to let go of the GUILT. Rare is the mother who at some point doesn't resent the fact that she is or has to stay home with her children, and put up with their never ending needs, demands, and fits. Of course the good times are wonderful... but so are the breaks! Do what you can to get a break. Have a girl's night out if possible. DON'T be afraid to ask for help from somebody... we all NEED a break at some point.

A really great thing I have found for coping when my temper rises is to take a moment, close my eyes, and take a few very deep, cleansing breaths. You have no idea how much this helps until you do it a few times. It has really helped to keep me from screaming when my two younguns are driving me up the wall!

Also... if you can find a chance, yoga, meditation and journal writing can all REALLY help to center you and help bring some calm and focus to you, even if just for a little bit and a bit of a break. If you don't like yoga, even some nice stretching with deep breathing can make a big difference. And one more thing - the best way to make big changes in life is to make gradual changes over time. You need to take one thing that is bothering you, say how you react to a child's tantrum; start with over a week's time and instead of reacting instantly, take a second to close your eyes and take a deep breath and then deal with the issue. Just an example. Maybe you could spend the next week just taking out ten minutes here or there to close your eyes and do some deep breathing or yoga. Or you could start a journal. Whatever feels right for you, and that YOU enjoy.

Also, it helps both you AND the kids to keep a fairly regular routine in place. That way you both know what to expect and it will cut down on the tantrums. And you have to be consistent with the discipline!
So... be consistent....and persistant.... and remember to MAKE time for YOU. You deserve it!

I know I should have a more structured routine but I find it so difficult to maintain one. My husband and I are not structured people at all, we like to be spontaneous and love change. I don't know how to be myself and be the routine person I need to be for the kids. Any suggestions?

And thanks for your response I will try the deep breaths and stretching. At this point I'll try anything.

I also have trouble getting myself and my kids into a routine. But, once you're there, I for one have found it is harder on us to stray from it than to stay on it. My advice would be to start with one thing at a time, and take a week or two implementing it daily into your routine. If you really want to create good habits for yourself... take three weeks to start each new good behaviour. For example, you could start with the mornings, wake up at a certain time every morning, have a positive beginning to the day with the kids, and COMMIT yourself to that for three weeks. See how it goes from there. It's trial and error, you need to figure out what is going to work for you and what is not. But like I say, if you are persistent you will figure it out. Good luck!