Unreliable midwife???  

This just happened tonight... I got a new cell phone this week so I left a note on her door with my new number. That was at 6, it is now almost 6 hours later and she has not called or e-mailed me. Another time she was 2 hours late to an appointment at my house, and I've only had her for a little over a month. I don't want to go through the hassle of finding someone else, as there aren't many midwifes around this area. She was hard enough to find. I don't doubt her skill... I doubt her reliability, and I'm afraid of coming across as combative. I'm one of those people who are uncomfortable 'making waves'... I honestly don't know HOW to tell someone that I'm upset. Also, I already paid her and I'm afraid I wouldn't get a refund...

I was just wondering where you live. I am so sorry for all that you are being put through!

I live in Lawrence, Kansas...

that's what I'm saying! I'm paying for a service, I'm driving almost an hour to get it, and she isn't home and doesn't even bother to contact me!

And good for you for switching doctors... i'm just nervous about it because a midwife is hard to find, and the nearest birth center is a 30 minute drive. Plus, I've already paid her and I feel like for homebirth, in my area, my options are pretty limited... however, it's MY birth, and it's really important to me that it's as gentle and comfortable as possible. I just can't see it being that way if my midwife is late or a no-show... or if I'm feeling resentful towards her. How do I say that without sounding like a jerk?

tell her you find her unreliable. i mean what is going to happen when you into labor? will she not show up and you have to delive the baby yourself? Because from the way things sounds she has done this before and she might do it again! The hospital i went to have my daughter is 30 minutes away or more also. The funny thing is we have a hospital about 6 blocks away but we did not go there because it is unreliable. we would rather go 30 miles away to get good service and we did! But you need to find a new midwife or doctor!

Tell her in a nice calm voice and tone that you were a little upset on Sunday when you and your husband drove out to her place and she was not home. Ask her what happened and why she did not contact you beforehand. If she gives you a reasonable explanation, then ok, but you would still need to tell her that you were not happy with what happened that day. Tell her if she is not able to make the appointment, then she needs to call you in advance. (Make sure she has ALL your details, i.e. home phone, cell phone, husbands cell phone and email address.) Tell her that you need her to be committed 100%. If she isn't willing to commit from hereon, then you need to cancel her services and find another midwife. I think something along those lines isn't too harsh at all. Hope it works out for you and good luck with the birth!

Thanks for the good advice.. I received an email from her this morning saying she's so sorry and that between her computer having a 'bug', the snow, and having to set up and clean up at her grandson's Cub Scout awards ceremony, she just plain forgot. I think the reason this is a problem for me is because I'm an extremely reliable and considerate person. I have mini anxiety attacks if I'm late, no matter what it is i'm late to. And I habitually show up to work about 10 minutes early or more. I don't mind if other people run a little late, after all, they're not the ones who are neurotic, right? But I mind when I show up at 6 on the dot, and I've been completely forgotten. She told me herself that she's always scrambling for excuses, running 20 minutes late... and that's fine. I don't want to say she wouldn't be a great MW just because we have different personality types... but where is the line? This makes 2 times in a month...

I don't have a GP.. I moved here a month ago, at 7 months pregnant to be closer to family. I lived a good 15 hours away, now I'm more like 2 hours drive from my mom, closer to both of my brothers, aunts, grandma, cousins... First on our to-do list was find a midwife. Here, most midwifes aren't allowed to assist you in hospital birth, and it's hard to find one who is qualified and will do homebirth. So, finding a replacement isn't really that simple. We researched mw's in this area for two months before finding her.

LOL... me too. That's a good idea, to write it down.. I just get so uncomfortable with confrontation... especially in situations like this. If someone was doing something outright despicable, I have no problem morphing into this tough, eloquent person who sticks up for herself and others. But when it's a friend or someone close who offends me, I can't find a way to say it. The exception is my husband, when he annoys me I can't find a way to keep from saying it!

It sounds to me like this lady is very busy and not the most organised person in the world. It is good that you feel she is qualified to handle the birth not so great that you find her untrustworthy of being there for you. I thought that was one of the services they specialised in? Anyway Since it seems to me you have communication problems with her i think the advice that post just before me was a good idea about Writing down your concerns. I was also wondering in she has a cell phone... like an emergency number that you can get in touch with her though if she is need right away. If she does have a cell phone or pager maybe she could give you that number. That way, for what ever reason, if she isn't at her home you can still reach her. I don't know if that helps or even if it is possible but it's a suggestion... maybe even one you could pass on to her. If she had this problem with you there must be others who have had a similar experience as yourself.