Unreliable midwife???

tell her you find her unreliable. i mean what is going to happen when you into labor? will she not show up and you have to delive the baby yourself? Because from the way things sounds she has done this before and she might do it again! The hospital i went to have my daughter is 30 minutes away or more also. The funny thing is we have a hospital about 6 blocks away but we did not go there because it is unreliable. we would rather go 30 miles away to get good service and we did! But you need to find a new midwife or doctor!

that's what I'm saying! I'm paying for a service, I'm driving almost an hour to get it, and she isn't home and doesn't even bother to contact me! And good for you for switching doctors... i'm just nervous about it because a midwife is hard to find, and the nearest birth center is a 30 minute drive. Plus, I've already paid her and I feel like for homebirth, in my area, my options are pretty limited... however, it's MY birth, and it's really important to me that it's as gentle and comfortable as possible. I just can't see it being that way if my midwife is late or a no-show... or if I'm feeling resentful towards her. How do I say that without sounding like a jerk?

Tell her in a nice calm voice and tone that you were a little upset on Sunday when you and your husband drove out to her place and she was not home. Ask her what happened and why she did not contact you beforehand. If she gives you a reasonable explanation, then ok, but you would still need to tell her that you were not happy with what happened that day. Tell her if she is not able to make the appointment, then she needs to call you in advance. (Make sure she has ALL your details, i.e. home phone, cell phone, husbands cell phone and email address.) Tell her that you need her to be committed 100%. If she isn't willing to commit from hereon, then you need to cancel her services and find another midwife. I think something along those lines isn't too harsh at all. Hope it works out for you and good luck with the birth!

This just happened tonight... I got a new cell phone this week so I left a note on her door with my new number. That was at 6, it is now almost 6 hours later and she has not called or e-mailed me. Another time she was 2 hours late to an appointment at my house, and I've only had her for a little over a month. I don't want to go through the hassle of finding someone else, as there aren't many midwifes around this area. She was hard enough to find. I don't doubt her skill... I doubt her reliability, and I'm afraid of coming across as combative. I'm one of those people who are uncomfortable 'making waves'... I honestly don't know HOW to tell someone that I'm upset. Also, I already paid her and I'm afraid I wouldn't get a refund...

I was just wondering where you live. I am so sorry for all that you are being put through!

I live in Lawrence, Kansas...

I don't have a GP.. I moved here a month ago, at 7 months pregnant to be closer to family. I lived a good 15 hours away, now I'm more like 2 hours drive from my mom, closer to both of my brothers, aunts, grandma, cousins... First on our to-do list was find a midwife. Here, most midwifes aren't allowed to assist you in hospital birth, and it's hard to find one who is qualified and will do homebirth. So, finding a replacement isn't really that simple. We researched mw's in this area for two months before finding her.

LOL... me too. That's a good idea, to write it down.. I just get so uncomfortable with confrontation... especially in situations like this. If someone was doing something outright despicable, I have no problem morphing into this tough, eloquent person who sticks up for herself and others. But when it's a friend or someone close who offends me, I can't find a way to say it. The exception is my husband, when he annoys me I can't find a way to keep from saying it!