In honour of stupid people...  

That's great.........lol

I especially like the AA peanuts because I have seen that one on the planes.

And also the Swedish chainsaw.

It makes you think that it has happened to someone or it would not be put on there. Ouch!!

This Mexican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this Texan sees him. After the Mexican is done the texan bloke asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Mexican smiles, "Senior, we Mexicans don't piss in our hands..."

Fun things for professors on the first day of class...

- Bring a dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.

- Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.

- Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk".

- Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.

- Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".

- Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.

- Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.

- After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.

- After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "My pacemaker!"

- Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.

- Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "You! What did I just say?"

- Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.

- Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask me, Winky Willy".

- Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"

- If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would you like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"

- Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.

- Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.

- Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.

- Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".

- Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.

- Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.

- Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.

- Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.

- Ask occassional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.

- Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.

- Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.

- Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.

- Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.

- Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.

- Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.

- Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? Are you pumped? I can't hear you!"

- Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.

- Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.

- Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.

- Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.

- Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.

- Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.

- Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field".

- Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.

- Growl constantly and address students as "matey".

- Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove".

- Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.

- Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.

- Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".

- Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.

- Address students as "Worm".

- Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your fanny looks fat.

- Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.

- Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.

- Of course, the most fun thing to do on the first day of class is to enjoy yourself, sleep in, and let the students wonder if they found the right room!

This one is going up my wall, for sure, thx bud

One thing about these types of posts ...yes they are interesting and worthwhile but its difficult to respond with a descriptive reply so it does take a little initiative and a little creativity so .............to see if indeed these lines qualify lets see what it takes to earn the coveted "stupid" label .........
1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
3. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.
4. Dazed, stunned, or stupefied.
5. Pointless; worthless: a stupid job.

The jury has returned and yes indeed your topic heading in honour of stupid people PASSED and the post gets an +

Happy Trails Have a great day

last week i was telling my friends about your jokes and this week i have to tell them about this one,hey can i ask what's your jobe?writting a joke

Formal introduction

A handsome American Army captain, assigned to the American Embassy's military
attache office in London, was shopping in Harrod's during his lunch hour and got
the hungries.

He went to the cafeteria, loaded a tray, and the only available space was at a
table occupied by a gorgeous gal. He asked the gal if he could share the table
with her, which is the accepted procedure in jolly old England. She nodded. He
sat down and they began a conversation.

They were smitten with each other and one thing led to another until he ended
up in her flat for a little horizontal recreation. Both enjoyed it immensely.

He had to go back to work and didn't see her again until a couple weeks later
when he met her on the street near his Embassy. "Hello, Pamela," he said.

She gave him a drop dead look. He was crestfallen. "Pamela," he said. "Don't
you remember me? Remember lunch in Harrod's? Remember the wonderful time we had
at your flat?"

She remained unmoved and said haughtily, "Since when did intercourse
constitute a formal introduction?"

Again loved the instructions, gave me a good laugh, but more than that, loved the comments, they made it all they are, they would've been pretty common without them, do you make those comment's yourself, or do those come with wherever you get these from?
Anyway, if they're your comments, i must say you're really witty.
Keep it up, i like a good laugh every now and then.

this is too funny ..iam really liking your forum :)