How to know if you are ready to have children  

HaHa. A friend sent me this in an email. Boy could I identify with many of these. After reading it, tell me which ones you can most identify with!


How To Know Whether or Not You Are Ready to Have Children

Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands
in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with
crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all
summer.

Toy Test:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available,
you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend
spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to
the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child
at night.)

Grocery Store Test:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in
sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)
into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.
Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds
of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and
hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your
alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song
you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these
too until 4:00AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and
make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women):

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes.
Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the
clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to
the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly
deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and
read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment:

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on
how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance,
toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways
they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never
allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be
the last time you will have all the answers.