Second marriage?

divorce of course

Very few people who leave a spouse for someone else find that the grass actually is greener on the other side.

My exhusband and I had made the decision to split and were going through the motions before I even met my current husband. So yes, I was involved with someone else while I was still legally married, but divorce was pending, and we had split before my current husband and I had even met.

We knew that we were for each other, and going to get married before my divorce even came through. We didn't get "engaged" or any of that though - no ring, we just knew. We got married on St Patrick's Day.

So in answer to your question though, I don't think people are thinking clearly if they decide to leave their partner for someone else, because they will undoubtedly be taking emotional baggage into the next relationship that they didn't give themselves a chance to work through. Why did they decide the new person is better than the first? What is to stop someone who does that from doing it again?

In my case, I knew very clearly why my first marriage failed, had some counseling, and my now-husband was key to my "healing" after that. I was very honest with him, told him I was not going to be rushed into anything, and that he was just going to have to wait until I was ready and had dealt emotionally with what I needed to deal with. So he waited and helped where he could. How many guys will listen to the woman they are interested in crying over their exhusband and the demise of their marriage?

I've always wondered though, when people leave their partner for no other reason than that they have met someone else, how does the new person have any respect for them whatever? If they are willing to do that to their husband/boyfriend/whatever, what's to stop them from doing it again when they find someone else again?