New Medications for Women!! I need some.....Ragamat!  |
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|  One of my friends sent me this and I just had to share it with all of the lady mylotters! Guys you might get a kick out this too! I think I need some Ragamat! Which one do you think you could most use?
New Medications
Advances in science have lead to new medicines that make the lives of women around the world a little better...
Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
St. Mom's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
Peptobimbo
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-One-all
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by
Dr. Laura.
JackAsspirin
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Antitalksident
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Sexcedrin
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
Ragamat
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging at him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
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1.  villageanne (5891)
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5 years ago
| |  Hey, I think I take some of that stuff and I want some of the kinds that I dont take. LOL That is just great, thanks for sharing. It was nice to have a laugh first thing this morning.
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| princeworthy (1404)
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5 years ago
| | You are welcome hon! I don't usually post jokes but this one was too good to resist! | | | |
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| Women Hormone MDs The Most Highly Trained Physicians in Bioidentical Hormones for Women. www.BodyLogicMD.com/Women-Hormones | add comment | | |
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| 2. mummymo (11642)
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5 years ago
| |  pmsl - thank you so much for sharing this - I roared with laughter all the way through! I think I need a combination of Damitol and Ragamat - where can I get these - now! xxx
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| princeworthy (1404)
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5 years ago
| | I laughed the whole way through too! I could also use the Damitol! | | | |
| mummymo (11642)
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5 years ago
| | lol - imagine not caring about anything for 8 hours and being able to have a go at the other half at the same time - bliss!!! lol x | | | |
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| 3. Heavensent53 (2615)
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5 years ago
| |  I need the Damitol, and Ragamat. Hey, this was very funny, thanks for posting it!:) I liked the one about empty nesters too, now when I miss them so bad, need to remember back a few years...
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| princeworthy (1404)
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5 years ago
| | I think my mom needs the empty nest one! She cries about her kids (my sister and I) living out of state. If she could only be reminded of how bad I was as a teenager... | | | |
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4.  raveena (1244)
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5 years ago
| |  You know you're a redneck when...
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
You buy two CB radios so you can talk to yourself.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife
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| princeworthy (1404)
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5 years ago
| | Winders 98
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 Wheel Drive
floppies are them little ol' plactic disc thangs.
Other features:Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.* OK ats aww-right
* cancel hail no
* reset awa shoot
* yes shore
* no Naaaa
* find hunt-fer it
* go to over yonder
* back back yonder
* help hep me out here
* stop ternit off
* start crank it up
* settings sittins
* programs stuff at does stuff
* documents stuff I done done
Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:* tiperiter A word processor
* colering book a graphics program
* addin mershene calculator
* outhouse paper notepad
* jupe-box CD Player
* iner-net Microsoft Explorer
* pichers A graphics viewer
* IRS M/S accounting software
* IRS2 M/S accounting software with hidden files
* co0n dog American kennel club records
* fishin Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
* NRA National Rifle Association
* shot gun Remington Arms price list
* riffel Winchester price list
* pisstel Smith and Wesson price list
* truck Ford and Chevrolet dealers in AL by zip code
* house Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code
* car same as truck just need two, list in Alabama
* cuzzins family history (usually a 3 meg file)
* tax records usually an empty file
* shells ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
* bud list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
* rasin NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race
* car 'n truck parts nearest junk yard by zip code
* doc veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement copy. | | | |
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| 5. retardedrugrat (3665)
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5 years ago
| |  Lol, I definitely think Damitol could come in handy for me!! Too many people get right on my nerves these days and the best (or worst!) thing is, they do it without even trying!
Thanks for giving me a laugh today, I needed it!
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6.  kurtbiewald (2553)
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5 years ago
| | sorry I don't see any humor in any of those
I am male and have just had many guinness, maybe thats why
I think somebody in a ninja costume was threatening me also, maybe thats why | | | | | | |
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| 8. mamasan34 (4084)
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5 years ago
| |  I do believe I would be on a regular maintenance regimen of some of those such as damitol and jackasspirin and ragamat. That is very funny!
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| 9. EvanHunter (2233)
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5 years ago
| |  I have always been told I need salt peter..lol. That or some sleeping pills to knock me out when I am being obnoxious.
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| 10. tinamwhite (1966)
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5 years ago
| |  I need Ragamat and Danitol. But would like to have a supply of all....never know when some of these might come in handy like for a "party favor" at a family gathering....just kidding but that would be hilarious if administered to a room full of people all at the same time!!! Think about it...I swear you will laugh!!! Thanks.
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