Do You Approve or Disapprove this Reason to Deny a Friends Request?

United States
April 21, 2007 9:04am CST
I received a request today as is my usual habit I check the discussions started and replied to on their profile. As it said he was from India and saw a discussion he replied to topic who do you like America I opened it to see what kind of responses he gives. His response was the first and he said he didn't, no reason why, nothing else. I had to make a comment saying if he felt that way why was he on an American website, earning American dollars? Friend request denied. I dont know if he will ever read it and I could have made an enemy and we all know what that can do to your reputation but I didn't care. I love this country. OK now let me have it was I wrong? http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1009167.aspx
23 people like this
44 responses
@weemam (13377)
21 Apr 07
I would say good for you pal , I am the same about Scotland and I wouldn't dream of living anywhere else , I think it is brilliant that you stood up for yourself and America , I must be honest, I don't always check my friends requests out , I leave them be unless they bombard me with making money invitations , I had that twice and explained I wasn't interested and they never bothered me with them again , that person you denied probably never went back to check xx
• United States
21 Apr 07
You are right and please don't get me wrong I am very proud of my Scottish heritage and I would never allow one detrimental remark to be make about it. America and Americans are also something I'm proud of and I hate seeing it getting "bashed" so much.
4 people like this
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
23 Apr 07
You two are the frosting on my cupcake. I would love to visit Scotland and learn more about Scottish heritage. I also love America as I have Native American heritage also, plus this is my country, I have never lived anywhere else or even been out of this country. I would love to venture forth but alas I feel I must/should see all of America first. And I have seen a lot.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8517)
• Sweden
21 Apr 07
We all put up different criterias for accepting friends, some just accept anyone. My criterias i look for is same as you. I check if the person replied to ANY of mine, if not i check the quality on his other discussion - if he is a one word replier, then no thank u.. I do not need friends that will reply yes or no to my discussions and there is also a big chanse that he will be deleted from mylot...
5 people like this
@marlyse (1056)
• Switzerland
21 Apr 07
no you where not wrong to deny. i check the discussions and replies too, and when i see they are only here for monrey or dont reply in a correct way, abuse the guidelines, i deny too. i dont see a reason why we should apply this sort of members. you did good in denying him
@TerryZ (22082)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Hi whiteheather I would have done the same thing. And Ive already done that. I get so angry when I hear about these people saying such awful things about our country. I also love our country and I would worry about that idiot anymore. You did the right thing.
@miamilady (4916)
• United States
21 Apr 07
It sounds like you were offended by his dislike of America and annoyed with his lack of a reason why. If you don't have an interest in getting to know the person better,than that's a good a reason as any to deny a friend request. I've only denied one so far and that was simply because of the persons name. I went back and sent a friend request later. I have sent out quite a few friend requests but I don't send them to just anyone. I either send them to people that I feel I have something in common with, or I send them to people who's lives are different than mine, but I find them interesting enough to want to learn more about that type of life. In my opinion, you do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I feel like this is a fairly safe place but if you aren't comfortable exchanging ideas with someone for any reason, you should go with your instincts.
@foxyfire33 (10007)
• United States
21 Apr 07
I tend to view friends here the same as I would friends in "real life". I look at their profiles and ask myself, "If I met this person on the street would I be interested?". I don't have a huge friends list but it is fairly diverse and certainly not just a group of moms around my age so I do like to have "friends" with different backgrounds or from different places in life. BUT...that doesn't mean I would want to be friends with someone who was openly anti-American. I wouldn't be in real life and I wouldn't be here. It's my choice who I associate with and I don't think I'm wrong to choose not to be friends with someone anti-American. As a side note, what do you think would happen if an American on here openly stated that they didn't like a certain country? We'd probably end up all labeled as racists, yet other countries hate us and we're supposed to sit back an accept it.
4 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 07
Well I will not sit back and accept it. America has been good to me and yet we do a lot of good in other countries that people seem to forget about.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10007)
• United States
22 Apr 07
Exactly. Yet so often we do get bashed. I get so tired of hearing that we need to be tolerant of other cultures, but those other cultures can say how much they hate us and we aren't allowed to say how we feel about them. Mylot has people from everywhere and we're supposed to get along with each other. That needs to go both ways. Like in your example, someone from India said they don't like America. It's fine to have an opinion but not something so generalized to cover the whole country without at least explaining some of the reasoning. If Americans started posting here that they don't like India (whether it's true or not) without explaining, it would probably cause all sorts of trouble.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 07
NO! you are not wrong...at least in my opinion! Why would he be inviting an American to his friends list if he hates America? I also love this country, but I do give people the right to NOT like us. To each his/her own. However, if you hate us so much then (exactly what you said) why be here? Why invite an American person to be on a friend's list? Wierd
4 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 07
Thank you that's what I thought
3 people like this
• Philippines
22 Apr 07
I think your decision is reasonable because if you are going to accept a friend request make sure that your opinions with that person doesn't contradict with the way you view things. This will create a unified and harmonious relationship with your internet buddies.
4 people like this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
22 Apr 07
I would have denied them as well. When someone applies to be my fried I look at their age, where they are from, their discussions and responses. I like to know the person and feel that if we met in real life we'd have some things in common. Not everything but that we could discuss thing and share idea without feeling that we are just putting up with them. I want friends I like and if they hate my country and the people living there how could we be friends. If I stated I hated Germany and all Germans would I then go and ask a German to be my friend? No, of course not. That's being a hypocrite in my mind. (For the record I don't hate Germans or Germany) Also I look at how they respond in discussions. If they are doing one line sentences or one word answers I don't really want to have them on my friend list. They are not adding much to the discussions and really thos replies are not what mylot is looking for. They should realize that. I want friends who follow the guidelines for the most part.
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
22 Apr 07
It was you choice whether you wanted to except him or not. I really don't think he care's whether you except him or not. there are so many people here, when one won't except there are plenty more people here they will, I believe if they seen his statement they probaly would'nt have excepted him either. Did you put neg, down for him I would have, making a statement like that.
@irisheyes (4372)
• United States
21 Apr 07
No, I don't think you were wrong. You just don't want to spend the next god knows how long defending the country you love. I wouldn't either and I'd probably do the same thing if I checked and found a comment like that. As it is, I don't usually check that much. All I look at is how many friends the person has. If it's too many I usually decline the request. I haven't been on here for awhile and I came back to several friends requests. There's one I'd like to okay but I'm dithering because she has an awful lot of friends.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (56903)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Sounds like a good reason to deny a friend request to me. If a person doesn't like a part of who you are, then why on earth would you be expected to approve the friend request? I guess it should surprise me that the poster would have the gall to even request it when they felt that strongly to begin with.
4 people like this
@rosie_123 (6116)
21 Apr 07
No I don't think you were wrong at all. In "real", life, we choose our friends according to shared interests/hobies/lifestyles ets, so why should the Internet be any differet? if you don't feel comfortable with this perrso because of his attitude then that is your prerogative. After my first few weeks on MyLot when I didn't really know how the system worked,, I always check the calibre of posts from anyone that asks to be my friend, before I agree to accept them. If they say or do anything that is offensive to me - for example, I am a strict vegetarian and animal lover, and I wouldn't want to be "friends" with anyone that glorified hunting or killing animals for "fun", then I simply wouldn't accept them. Don't feel bad about it - it's your choice!
• United States
21 Apr 07
I check out the disussions started, those they replied to, their interests, comments on their profile, etc. You can get a pretty good feel of the person requesting the friend request by what they have responded to and discussions started.
4 people like this
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
23 Apr 07
I would love to visit Scotland and learn more about Scottish heritage. I also love America as I have Native American heritage also, plus this is my country, I have never lived anywhere else or even been out of this country. I would love to venture forth but alas I feel I must/should see all of America first, and I have seen a lot. I think you were right to deny friend request and your response was understandable. I think he would deny a request to you too, as he is narrow minded. You are a cool friend. I like you.
3 people like this
• United States
23 Apr 07
Thank You I like you too.
@lonewolfnan (4367)
• Canada
22 Apr 07
Does it really matter if others think you were right or wrong?You made a decission in your best interests.There is no law saying we have to accept any/all requests.We all have a method of chosing who we accept and this person did not meet your standards of discussion/responses.You gave him a comment as to why you chose not to so he was not left in the dark. On another note,I did not realize MyLot was an American website as I just considered it an international company for any and all to enjoy.
• United States
22 Apr 07
MyLot does appear to be an Amercian website as it follows the US rules for payment to member from other countries. Here an excerpt from their rules: While we would love to pay everyone, regulations set forth by the Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC), an office of the US Treasury, prohibits myLot from sending money to certain countries. The good news is users from all countries will still be able to participate in myLot discussions. The bad news is users from countries included on the OFAC list will not be able to earn money for their contributions.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
21 Apr 07
from what you say I cannot say that this was the wrong thing to do! If he doesn't like anything american ( I know you are scottish - but still ...) then it seems a bit dodgy! If he doesn't like you because of this then that is his problem sweets - we're all still here for you! xxx
3 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 07
Thank you. I hope you are back in full health now?
2 people like this
@missak (3311)
• Spain
23 Apr 07
I love US. I definitly want to move there, since here in Spain I can't work on what I want, cinema direction. I hate when people don't accept art as a job, and that way of acting is usual outside US. I think this antiamericanism is just envy, and I wouldn't have an envy friend, so I think you did right.
3 people like this
• United States
22 Apr 07
I see nothing wrong with your decision. You are patriotic and this person doesn't like the US. You have every right not to accept them as a friend. I don't know why people get themselves in a bunch about reasons people have for not accepting people as friends. So many people think that everyone should accept everyone who asks. I don't agree with that at all. People are free to choose who they want to accept plain and simple.
3 people like this
@funky123 (92)
• India
22 Apr 07
hey am also from india...its not that ppl here dont lik america. Its just that we like our country more than others. its as simple as that. i really love making friends. and i dont mind if my friend is an indian or american or african. It just matters how good he/she is. you are right in denying his request. i will also do the same if some one says they hate my country...atleast if he had given a valid reason, its ok...but since he was so blunt, there is nothing wrong in what u did..