Please Please give me suggestions! (mature content)

United States
April 25, 2007 12:51pm CST
My two year old daughter recently 'discovered' herself~if you know what I mean... Well, I have 4 boys, she's my first and ONLY girl...So, I'm not quite sure how to react to this... She was sitting in the computer chair yesterday and she found a golf tee...Well, guess where she put it???? She didn't put it 'in' there, but close enough! What am I supposed to do? I don't want her sticking stuff in there!!! Do I punish her? Do I just try to tell her 'that's bad'? How do I deal with this???? I wanted a girl SOOO bad, now I'm not so sure, lol. Thanks in advance!
11 people like this
34 responses
• United States
25 Apr 07
No, do NOT punish her! She will always think that her private parts are dirty and off limits then. Believe me, I grew up hearing how your private parts are dirty and you never touch them and blah blah blah. anyhow, tell her "no, no" and tell her "that's not where that goes" or "that's dangerous to put things there". Make it clear it's not good, but don't make a HUGE deal out of it. I find with my kids that if I make a big deal out of it, they tend to do it more. If I just say no and explain why, then they accept it and move on. Of course, you will probably have to say it more than once, but start with that.
4 people like this
@Stiletto (4584)
25 Apr 07
I agree with what most others have said so far - it's completely normal for her to touch herself so it's really important you don't tell her (or imply in any way) that it's a "bad" or "dirty" thing to do. Also the more of an issue you make of it the more she will probably do it - that's kids for you! Obviously it's a little tricky if you're in public but the suggestions that others have made about telling her she should only do that at home is a good idea. I can see why the golf tee alarmed you though and of course you should tell her not to put things in there in case they hurt her or she gets sore. I only had a girl (which is what I wanted anyway) and they can really stress you out sometimes!!
4 people like this
@speedy1279 (2667)
• United States
25 Apr 07
My daughter was about the same age when she started to discover herself. I think I was just as frightened as you. But I stayed calm and talk to her doctor about it. She told me that it was normall and to not be negative to her about it. She said to just sit down with her and explain to her her body parts the easyist way so that she would understand. You would be amazed at what they do understand. It seemed to work. But now I have the problem that she is starting to ask me if boys have the same parts as her. She is 3 1/2 now!
3 people like this
• United States
28 Apr 07
Yeah, sometimes being a mom can be negative sometimes. But for the long run I think it is worth every minute.
1 person likes this
25 Apr 07
My 5 year old was always playing with herself down there. She used to do it when we had people in the hosue as well. This was before she started nursery when she was still 3 and I was worried that she might do it there. I had a chat with her and explained that there is nothing wrong with doing it, but some people don't like it, so its better to just do it in the house and only when we don't have company. I said that I know it feels nice to her, and everyone does it, but that we don't do it in front of other people. I have since discovered that she usually does it when she is bored so if I see her doing it I think of a fun activity for us to do to get her interested in something so she stops. I have never told her that its bad, or punished her as I think that it isn't really naughty and it wont stop her doing it anyway. The other approach I have used is to tell her that if she plays with herself too much or puts objects on there or it in that she might hurt herself and that it could be very sore. That worked to stop her too.
3 people like this
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
25 Apr 07
You just need to let her know about good touches and bad touches. Let her know it is ok to touch herself with her fingers only. Kind of like the "nothing smaller than your elbow goes in your ear." Also that it is a private thing, never done in public. It is natural to explore. Do you remember how happy you were when she discovered her toes? This is just another part of her body she has discovered.
@uath13 (8204)
• United States
25 Apr 07
At two yrs old she's got no clue about that. Leave her be. You've got a few years before you have to really deal with this problem yet.
3 people like this
@xelissa (777)
• New Zealand
25 Apr 07
Well like you said. She's only two. She doesn't know right from wrong. And besides this is a natural thing, discovering yourself. Everyone does this eventually, its a way of life. I guess you gotta see the positive.
@amydawn11 (906)
• Canada
25 Apr 07
I have a girl to and i was told by doctors that it is completely normal unless of course it is over the top. Just talk to your doctor about it. I would sit her down and tell her that it is normal to be curious but there are certain places that are innpropriate and I would also talk to her about not putting anything in there, she could hurt herself badly or cause in infection.All kids go through a stage like this, thats what my doctor said anyways.
3 people like this
• Canada
26 Apr 07
It's hard not to worry when our kids first do something that shocks us in some way. In my case, I have a niece who started exploring at a very young age. My sister was a bit concerned that maybe she had an infection or something (my own two girls have been really prone to urinary tract infections and the dr was concerned about the ones that occurred before the age of 3). Anyway, my sister had it cleared with her ped that there was no infection. He also assured her that such forms of touching are totally normal. What concerned my sister, though, is that my niece moved on from touching with her hands to using the rubbery head of a doll that she slept with. It was clear that my niece was receiving gratification by doing this and she generally did it at night before falling asleep. As the doctor said, it was a calming activity for her. Anyway, my niece was told that what she was doing wasn't wrong but that she had to do that only in her room. As others have said, she has also been taught that no one ELSE should ever touch her in that manner. To this day, she's never stopped (and this started around the same age as your daughter, Stephanie). In fact, for awhile, she would bluntly tell my sister that she was going to her room "to do her private"... that's what she called the activity -- not the body part. Now, she just doesn't talk about it. I would definitely explain to your little girl, though, that she could hurt herself by putting any object inside herself, just as she can hurt herself if she plays with something sharp or touches something hot. The explanation can be the same in tone as the one you'd give for a hand or a finger or not putting a small object in her mouth. We sexualize the activity because we're adults... to a child that young, it's just something that feels nice. Good luck! :)
2 people like this
• United States
27 Apr 07
I'm sorry, that probably came across wrong. I shouldn't of worded it like that, but that totally freaks me out. I didn't mean to be rude, I wasn't trying to in any way, shape, or form, so please don't think that.... I'm having a really hard time understanding that I'm supposed to tell my children that it's OK to do these things, whether it's in private or not. I don't want to know about it, if they are doing it. I know my boys take 'long' showers occasionally and that's fine...but my girl is TOTALLY different...things go IN her and that really freaks me out. I seriously don't know if I can deal with this sort of thing...hopefully she just doesnt' do anything else for a while and gives me a chance to catch my breath again...
• Canada
27 Apr 07
Please don't misunderstand, Stephanie. In my original response, I never said my niece was putting anything INSIDE of her... she wasn't. I mentioned that she was touching herself with one of her dolls. It's actually been documented that very young children will sometimes rub against a soft toy, again as a source of pleasure and comfort. If you re-read what I and a few other people have been saying, we've all clearly agreed with you. It's NOT ok for your little girl to be putting anything inside of herself. That definitely holds the potential to harm her. Just to reiterate my own personal response above, I said that, in your position, I would definitely tell my little girl that she could hurt herself if she put ANY object inside herself. We tell kids, basically, not to do things like put beans up their nose or in their ears... and this is the same thing. Let her know that it's possible that she could hurt herself if she tries to put an object INTO her body. That, to me, seems like an age appropriate way to handle what you saw her doing with the golf tee. Her self-discovery is going to be something that you might have to speak to her about many times, for different reasons. Sometimes, you might be reminding her not to do that in the company of other people, for example, or not to touch herself in that way when she is out in public. I think it's just really important that you don't make her think that she has been bad or dirty or that she has made you mad. That's hard to distinguish for a two year old. Again, I hope you'll be ok with this and be able to get over the initial shock of your discovery. :) In the meantime, I've done some research for you and here is an article that relates specifically to a two year old... you might find it to be helpful and of some comfort... http://www.drgreene.com/21_606.html
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Apr 07
No need to apologize :) I wasn't offended in any way at all. There's a lot of information being shared here and it's definitely easy to misinterpret or read something that wasn't quite there :) I hope the linked article is/was helpful ... or, at the very least, reassuring that you're not alone in this phase and that your little girl is not unusual. It ain't easy being a Mom! LOL I have two girls, myself, but whether it's girls or boys, they all come equipped with lots of challenges for us to deal with! I hope you have a great day :)
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Apr 07
My toddler will be 3 next month and when she was after 2, I received an alert from babycenter what to expect on this certain age....and one of them is discovering herself. So, I was more or less prepared for it. But when she started really looking down there, I explained to her that is where here pee comes out that is why after she comes from the potty, she has to wash her hands because we don't want any germs around that area. She wanted to go run around with her diaper and open her legs and explain to her gently that we don't do that because it is not nice and that is why we go to the potty or be in the room if we change diaper because we have privacy. I know it is quite scary and frustrating because we want to be gentle enough not to scare them into this or make them think something is wrong. When she started to examine down there, I ask her, if something wrong? Is it itchy? Coz sometimes probably if wears the diaper and just peed recently, I make sure that I will wipe her thoroughly and put balmex in the area. BUT you know what, if all things fail and I exhaust all my options of gentle talking, I just tell her..'Baby, did you see Mommy doing that? And she would say, No....then I told her that is why Mommy doesn't do it because we might get bobo down there. In all the things I need to explain, this works best for everything, probably because they like to imitate what we do, so if they didn't see us doing that, then probably it makes sense for them.
2 people like this
• Canada
26 Apr 07
First off, she's 2 years old. No need for punishment. Just make her understand mommy doesn't like it because it's bad. Next try to keep her away from things that she might have a hand on. Try to get her some interesting learning toys to get her mind to do what toddlers suppose to. Don't worry maybe it was just an accident.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
26 Apr 07
Steph you just tell her it is naughty There is no harm in her mind to it as you say she has discovered something on herself and is exploring Just tell it is bad and that she will hurt herself but do not shout at her just tell her in a gentle Voice and explain to her as well as possible
2 people like this
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
well you need to teach her and sometimes punishment is not that mean, tell her not to stick some stuff in there, that she might got some bacteria, tell it also that it is not a nice thing to do. also avoid some scene that she may react and photo copied it, you know what i mean. guide your kids as well.
@tim_un (355)
• Malaysia
26 Apr 07
You need to tell her that is not good for health and teach her how to use the "golf tee" in the right way. Need to educate her when bathing her , tell her that the "place" is not allow to put anything inside.
• India
26 Apr 07
you are the mother of child and it is your duty and responsibility to make things uderstandable to her. she was very small also to understand things.But if you try with patience and love i am sure that she will understand the things
2 people like this
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
Your daughter is only 2 years old. She dont know what she is doing and not good for her to punish. That age need mother to guide and let her understand not to do something like that. Im sure, she is just curious of the things she did. As a parents, we need to overcome the hardships and problems on how to let our kids grow!We need to accept it wholeheartedly.
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
26 Apr 07
We handle such things differently in this part of the world. We are not as open as you'll and try to ignore and try not to make a big deal out of it. I have told my 4 yr old that no-one can touch her privates other than myself (LOL). Anyway, she is always with someone at home and she is not that interested in such things. She and her bro who is 8 yrs bathe together all the time and she is ok with seeing each other. What i feel, for your situ, is, you also mustnt show her that its a big deal. When she does it, try to divert her attention to something else. Always, make herself busy with something. They do these things when they are bored and lonely.
2 people like this
@kenetot18 (452)
• United States
25 Apr 07
2 yr old?maybe she'd just playing,if she's 9 yrs old,that's the time that you should be scared! don't worry about it,she can't even say words clearly yet,how can she discover those stuffs?she probable just playing,..
2 people like this
@msjigga (866)
• United States
26 Apr 07
She is way too young to punish harshly. I would first ask questions about her discovery, I would ask why she did it, ask if she seen this being done, and explain to her this is not to be done. talk to her
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Apr 07
Do not tell your children "this is not to be done".
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
27 Apr 07
You don't want to over whelm a 2 year old with questions. This ins't a trial. LOL! I'm sure nothing has happened to the child, it is normal to explore. ALl the mother has to do is remove her daughters hand next time and maybe change the subject to something else. It would be a different story if the child was older and doing this.
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
26 Apr 07
I am a bit angry about your making such big issue of such innocent act of 2 years old girl. You have been mother of boys for long time, not better learn to be mother of a girl too, You should not even have discussed this matter in open, after all she is your daughter. And she does not even know what she is doing. If she does something like this, all that you have to do is either tell her lovingly, that this is something dirty and she should not do it. Or show a bit anger to her , she is only 2 , looking at her angry mother , she will not dare to do that again. As she will grow, she will do many things because she is innocent. She will hate you when she will come to know that you made all her private mistakes open in public. so please don;t do this mistake again. When you and me were kids, we also did lot of things. So no need to panic. Just try to be mother of girl together with mother of boys. I am hurting you today, because I don't want your daughter to hurt you when she will be matured enough to understand things. God bless her.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 07
how is this child ever going to learn that this topic was discussed????? do you think the mother is going to make sure that she prints and saves these pages for future blackmail riiigghht. get off your high horse this woman was looking for help and i would much rather see a parent willing to look for help than one who cares so little for thier child that they would rather bury thier head in the sand than seek outside help
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
27 Apr 07
Ok, my daughter is 23 now and a very matured decent girl.I gave her right knowledge at right ages and I am proud the way she has grown up today. I have just given my opinion, I am not forcing anybody to live my way. So go on and do what you all feel is better for your child.