What people say..

@liranlgo (5748)
Israel
May 1, 2007 2:52pm CST
As most of you know i started a new work, and that means new people. That can be a really interesting eperiance, and i love meeting new people. As i was sitting with a new girl there, and speaking about personal matters, she looked at me and said: I would never do that, what would people say.... Would you not do certain things because you are affraid you won't fit in a new environment? Would you not do somthing that you want because of the things that people will say about you? Do share
6 people like this
22 responses
• Singapore
2 May 07
Hello liran, I guess this depends on what you want to achieve in that job. If you are just there for the money and do not want to care about relationships or long term prospect, then do whatever you want. Go to the office in pajamas and slippers and throw your empty coffee cups on others' desks. Anything goes, really - just try not to get sacked. Otherwise, I would urge on in your position to be sensitive to the feelings of others. When you are new, you *are* new. You are the new gal trying to break into an already established fellowship. You must first get them to accept you - so at least at the beginning, do as the Romans do in Rome. But slowly, let out your real self bit by bit so that you will be accepted instead of rejected offhand. Of course if you feel too strongly about certain issues, or if certain things being done go too contrary to your principles, that would have to be looked at from a case by case basis. This, I feel, is the way to go.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
2 May 07
Thank you for this wonderful answer. I do agree with you, you phrased it smartly. Thank you wiz:)
2 people like this
• Malaysia
2 May 07
erm.. first of all.. i wouldn't worry much about what people say.. i understand what you're trying to tell us... the main question is.. people affecting your decision? or is it you who are affecting your own decision.. right? ... i think what most important is how we felt about it.. not how others felt about it.. if you focus too much on others.. you are not firm with yourself.. and you just don't get to learn much.. yes.. it's true that if we refuse to fail.. it's better we follow the crowd.. but sometimes.. the crowds are not that clever.. they might be as dumb as they can make you lose everything.. so.. i think i'm different.. so i dislike following what other people say =)
2 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
5 May 07
Wonderful response. I totally agree with you.
@bindishah (2062)
• India
2 May 07
Its actually quite sad..we do things based on what others might think of us. If we do that all the time, then we are essentially living other people's life from thier point of view. What about leading our own life form our point of view? What about having your own voice and opinion? we kind of lose that along the way in an attempt to please people. guess we all need to re-evaluate ourself and see if we are doing too much of this.
2 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
2 May 07
That is right. We do have to re-evalute ourselfs and see what and how we are doing things. thank you:)
1 person likes this
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
2 May 07
I have never faced such situation and till the date I have done the things what I have like to do and never thought also that what if people will not like? I consider that we are living in a society where few norms and values are to follow because of certain kind of system we all have to maintain for the purpose of life and togetherness!I follow all the normal and value based things because certain kind of descipline helps our society to maintain its functions! I think that if certain thing I do and people will say against it then also if the thing is important to do regarding life and positive perspectives then I will do and never think what people will say!
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
2 May 07
Liked your answer very much. thank you:)
@LittleMel (14051)
• Canada
1 May 07
I know what you mean. Maybe it's a good idea to keep things for yourself until you work there long enough and know your coworker better. If it's too late, then try to humour it. That's what I did when I was single and new at work. A staff got married and she asked everyone whether we are ready to settle down or not. I was being honest I said "No, I want to date as many cute hot guys as I can" then I realized what I said and quickly covered it by saying "Well not just every guy of course! I do have criterias!" LMAO I was only 20 and they're above 35 But anyway, you know what I mean !
2 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
1 May 07
Yes i know..i think it happened to all of us. but what the h..when i think about it i really do not care that much what people might think:)
1 person likes this
@jmp824 (741)
• Philippines
2 May 07
I don't usually share my own personal stories to people who are completely strangers to me. I need to get to know them first before I'll tell something about me. And i guess they too will feel that way. They have to know me first before they will feel confident enough to share a story with me. So the feeling is mutual. You need to be reserved so people won't find you a lil bit weird.
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 May 07
Well sometimes we have to keep some things to ourselves first before relating it to a total stranger or someone who we have just met..We should take the conversation slowly and just simple not getting out too much..I guess that's how I handle it.
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
2 May 07
It`s different.If this new enviroment is my new work place, i would like to keep this job -i will try to fit.I will try to adapt myself. If this enviroment means nothing or not so much for me -let them go to hell. My mother has the same bad habbit.She allways cares what our neighbours will think if ...And i am usually angry when i listen her to say it to me hoping me to agree.
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 May 07
hi liranlgo. When I was working and still new, I did not talk much at first. I just observed the working of the place and the people in it. There are certain things that I will uphold as my principle and would do so regardless of what people may think. There are many ways to fit into an environment without losing oneself. Just have to find the right one. If I need to do things, I would do it even if people talk. As long as I know there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing and no one would suffer any consequences. Thanks and have a nice day.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
1 May 07
Wonderful answer sick4muzick, just what i think and try to do. thank you. :)
• Philippines
1 May 07
A pleasure to share. Let your true self shine. You're a wonderful person no matter what you think people may think. :)
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
2 May 07
:)
@Augustta (1860)
• Poland
1 May 07
Yes,people seems to be very careful about aparence.. Is easy to say"oh,i am not so,i am more brave than most of people"...but i have to admit i surprind myself thinking what that or this will say... We live in colectivity and if our star which say our reputation is too down..there is not like in mylot to say"who care?"... To be sincere if i want something very much and will be not so nice for people around i will still make but i am sure that i will pay a lot in return... Make sense what i said in my bad english? regards, Augusta
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
2 May 07
Lol. Your bad english. i think it is just fine. I really thing you and i will have a funny english conversation if we will meet, israeli and a polish, probably both of us will have funny accents. Yes i know what you mean. It is easier to achive things if you find a way to other people wisely, then to brutelly carelessly just state what you think. You have to be wise in how you do things. Thank you:)
1 person likes this
@Augustta (1860)
• Poland
2 May 07
well..he he...great minds think alike!:)))
1 person likes this
• Israel
3 May 07
I Was once like that, until I understood that Was What stands in my Way for success. Every time an opportunity presented itself to me, I thought "it sounds realy good, but What Would others think of me if I do that?". Ever since I stopped being disabled by such thoughts, my life became much easier - society's limiting norms didn't have any effect on me anymore, and I could do things beyond the boundries of class, race etc. That fear of "What others Would think" makes people stay Where they are, no matter hoW good or bad their situation is. You can let your friend read this article : http://WWW.2all.co.il/Web/sites/healthkeep/page42.asp She might profit from this. I try to teache others to improve this Way.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
5 May 07
Well i was never like that, i alwasy did what i think was right for me, and did not care less what other thaught was right for me, i was never stuck because of thinking: what would they think of me..it belongs to my mother (polania) way of thinking..LOl I am glad to you are not at that place any more. :)
@dpk262006 (56784)
• Delhi, India
3 May 07
Lira, I feel it depends upon from person to person...how one wants to reveal personal secret to new friends. Some people are very forthcoming and forward and they do not bother... and think twice, before revealing their secrets. Some are very reserve...they do not open up in front of new friends easily. I for one will not open up easily in front of new friend...untill and unless I become intimate and close to him/her. deepak
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
5 May 07
Thank you Deepak:)
@arvee17 (730)
• Philippines
2 May 07
I know how you feel... you wanted to open up to them, to create a form of friendship because you are new to the place but still some people might not even care yet... I had a job before that i really felt nobody cared about me even if i was pouring my heart out on them. Just because you are a newbie. Don't mind those people who are trying to stop you from being yourself. Do what you are good at and soon they will respect you for it. When I was in that company, i tried to stop myself from being myself the whole time, thinking that they might not like me and i ended up being lonely in that place.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
5 May 07
Thank you arvee, you are a good friend and i like very much what you said. :)
@worthy (2413)
• India
2 May 07
Society is important no doubt,but to an extent.No matter what we do,someone or the other might dislike it .It is very difficult to please everyone. I have never stopped from doing any good thing which i wanted to do,for the fear of what people might say.Sometimes I have been left with a fewer friends than I would have liked.But I would not like myself if i do something which I myself can't relate to.:)
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
5 May 07
I am happy that you think this way, it is also the way that i think and act. Thank you:))
• India
2 May 07
yes, i would think before opening my mouth or taking liberties, specially if its a new job environment. any job is always precious, at least for me, specially new ones where i am on unknown turf. i would definitely wait for a few months, strike up a rapport with my co-workers, understand the chemistry of the place and then speak my own mind and that also to colleagues whom i can be absolutely sure about (though i dont think you can or should trust any colleague blindly). at the personal front, though sometimes i feel like saying things to my relatives or friends about certain things which i dont like, i always think the better of it. you see, we as kids are generally brought up by our parents on certain guidelines on how to behave with others and that includes sermons like "you should not say this or that...". such sermons stay with us throughout our life and usually people dont like to say on faces words that are likely to hurt or insult the listener.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
5 May 07
Yes you are right that are certain things that do stay with us, because of how our parents educated us, but as adults it is our duty to decide what is right for us at a certain situation.
@munhozmib (3852)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
1 May 07
I always had this though: I don't care about what people think of me. This is me. But then, I realized that if I kept thinking like that, I'd get nowhere. Yes, people thoughs about me do care. But I still must be myself. My conclusion: you have to make a balance between what you want to do and what will people think about it. Just don't do something that will defame you. Don't do anything stupid.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
2 May 07
You are right. Balance is the key word here.
1 person likes this
@beaniegdi (1966)
1 May 07
Congratulations on the new job and I hope you enjoy it. It is always wise to keep things a bit quiet untill you find out more about the people you are working with. You are the new person so you are the one who has to fit in with the others. Once you have been there a while and know people better you will know who you an share things with. You can't live your whole life worrying about what others will think of you but you can be discrete if needed. Lots of people have a sort of public and private life that don't always match. If there wasn't so many judgemental people this wouldn't be necessary but unfortunately there are lots of people who will judge you on how you live your life. Have fun but don't always tell everyone how much fun you are having.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
2 May 07
Lol. Thank you:) you do have a point here.
@mivarg (277)
• India
1 May 07
Hi there! It is not always easy to do what you really need to do in life. I am not particularly bothered about public opinion in my personall matters. But when it comes something that involves other people too, I may have to think about their personal preferences and see whether they would mind being incriminated by others. The way society wants you to behave is always a restriction and it often stops you from being yourslef. But an awareness of society's expectations is there in our mind, always, whether we like it or not.
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
1 May 07
Yes awareness of society expectations is always in our mind, but the question is it really that important to you? is this going to stop you from being yourself?
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
2 May 07
I would hold back certain things if I do not know the person well, especially if I do not know how he will take it. If it is the person I know and understand well, I speak my mind. If I have to do something unpleasant and it is part of my duty and responsibility, I will carry it out regardless of what people will say.
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
1 May 07
Yes it is lovely to meet new people and to get to know what their interests are, when I am in a new enviroment I would be very careful of what I was doing!! It would all depend on where I was at the time whether I would do something or not
1 person likes this