losing friends cause i'm a mom

Canada
May 3, 2007 9:00pm CST
did you lose any friends after having kids. a lot of my friends don't have kids and they stopped talking to me after having my daughter cause i couldn't go out anymore. did this happen to you. they just couldn't understand that i wasn't able to drop everything at once to go out and i didn't hve the money to go out all the time either. they'd get angry and annoyed with me.
9 people like this
19 responses
• Canada
4 May 07
Yeah , pretty much everyone I hung out with when I was younger , I no longer hang out with and this happened shortly after I had my first child . We didn't seem to have much in commom after I had a child and there life was all about partying and that no longer seemed important to me anymore . Most of the friends that I hung out with then are only staring to have their families now many years later as I started having my children when I was young . I have never regretted my decision though and through life , friends drift apart because interests change . Years later they can grow closer again when interests change again .
2 people like this
• Canada
4 May 07
ya i never regreted it either. i'd prefer having my daughter and taking care of her all the time staying at home then going out partying with my frieds. it's worth giving everything up to me, including my friends. not to be rude but my daughter is of course more important than anyone. if they couldn't understand then that is their problem. maybe one day when they have kids they'll understand.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 May 07
please know, poppoppop, that your friends understand you that's why they have stayed away. i know this for sure because, this has happened to me before. most of my friends got married ahead of me and so, it was i who had to do the adjustments. i had to stay away from them so they can attend to their housechores, the husband and the children. if i always visit them, i will get blocking my friends from doing their tasks.
1 person likes this
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
4 May 07
I lost several friends after I had my daughter because I couldn't afford to do all the things they liked to do. Plus I didn't have anyone that was able to care for my daughter so that I could go out. While there are a few of those friends that I miss, I realized that they weren't really my friends if they could end our friendship so easily. There were a couple of my single friends that would just come over to my house to spend some time with me.
2 people like this
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
4 May 07
Yeah I can totally relate! I don't really talk to any of my old friends anymore because they are too into going out and partying. Even the ones that have kids!! And I don't like that, I am a Mommy first so I lost most of my friends. But that is okay because my kids are the best thing in the world!
2 people like this
@thefuture (1750)
• Nigeria
4 May 07
That is very bad of them, I mean why should a person act like that? that is incorrect. IF one is really a friend, he or she is not going to act that way, maybe there were only taking you as something else, but not a friend, cos a good friend will not act that way thanks and have a nice day.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
4 May 07
Why do they get angry at you?thats what bothers me...im keeping more friends now more than when i was single coz i was the last one to be married in our group which i a good thing. Now we have lots of things in common and hav fun talking about our kids and of married life.
• Canada
4 May 07
they get angry cause i can't drop everything to go out.
@kgwat70 (13395)
• United States
4 May 07
I think it is terrible that people want to stop being friends with someone just because they have children or are married. True friends will be your friend for life, no matter whether you have kids or not. I am still friends with people that have kids or are married. Sure a married person or a parent may not have the time to go out as much as before but that should not mean friendships should end. You did nothing wrong I am sure. Maybe they were jealous because you are married and have children.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
yea i'm in the same boat as you, i moved back to my old neighborhood and everyone i used to hang out with are still here, and i'm only 21 so all of my friends are around the same age except i got a family and they are nothing but about partying and doing stupid stuff,so i get up here and everyone is calling me and not asking but just telling me what the plans are for the weekend as if i'm still the old me and i would drop everything to hang with them, well they had a big reality check, because i'm a very straight forward person so i barely even talk to them now,they just didn't understand what it is like to have your own family and that they will always come first and besides i'm not even interested in that party life anymore i actually look forward to waking up every morning and spending the day with my kids and my husband when he gets home, i guess it comes down to age old truth, people grow and people change, and i grew up a little faster then the rest of my friends
1 person likes this
• India
4 May 07
i don;t think so .....being a mother does not part you from your friends...(if they really are your friends)....friends will always be there for you its just that you might not have enough time for them...so proximity determines the strength of relation....do try to be in contact with them and if possible chat from time to time this was i think everyone is happy
• United States
4 May 07
I moved with my husbadn to his first duty base two years ago. We met a couple and we had a lot in common. Well i got pregnant about two months after we arrived. Once they found out it was like we were not allowed to hang out with them. But the problem wasn't becasue I was pregnant, it was becasue they wanted to go out at 11 to see a movie. kids no kids, I hate going to movies late. Anyway, well when my daughter was born they did come to see me in the hospital. People I did not even know from my husbands shop came an that meant a lot to me. i guess people feel that we are no fun becasue we are moms. I thik being a mom rocks and we put up with a lot of crap for it. I mean what is so wrong with a movie night in or dinner. Why is always having to go out. I just ignore it now. it is not fair, but now we know who our reall friends are.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
4 May 07
I am sorry to hear that. as a mother of three children myself i must say i have not experinced this, yet i have heard of people say that friends don't want to be with them any longer because they just can't get up and go. if people around you don't understand that you are a mother now, and some things have changed then they are not true friends and you are better off without them. some friendships are not forever and that is ok
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
4 May 07
I really didn't have any friends to lose. I had a few acquaintances though. They always wanted to party all of the time. They wanted to do things that I did not want to do. they also had kids but they didn't have much responsibility about themselves to take care of things which were the most important to me. they would rather spend time acting like teenagers. I was very much mature and wanted the best things out of life and I knew if I chose to walk down the path they were on, I wouldn't achieve my goals any time soon. They thought I was boring, I guess, but I am very proud of what I have achieved.
@ZowieR (942)
• Canada
4 May 07
Hes worth it, more interesting that anyone I've ev - sdf
awww hun it happends to the best of us! Were just in a different stage in our life then our so called "friends." It seems only the friends I have,that have kids can really understand that even on msn if your suddenly not there in the middle of the conversation, somthing simply came up. The wost thing about it all, is having no time and money to go out makes it really hard to find like minded mom friends to relate too! I tryed momos groups, but I found I just couldnt relate to the women there. I was struggling with working part time while my husband worked full time. We never give our son to day care or a sitter. when the other women were complaining about there summer cottage....I'm sorry I'm no help, i just feel for ya, I'm in that same boat.
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
4 May 07
Well, this is almost the same to loose some of your friends after they or two got married. Because of the new obligations. But they must adapt to you. With or without child, you are the same person. Just you cant be so free and them to have your attention for everything.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
I really didn't have that problem because I only have one real friend. But, even with her I didn't want to go anywhere but stay home sometimes. No movies maybe out to eat but seldom. NOw I want to go out more and have no one to go out with but my son which is fine because he is good company. I hope that you find some true friends the ones that will have your back all the time.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 May 07
i doubt it that they are annoyed and agry at you. i'd rather say that they understand your condition and so, they have decided to stop pestering you about going places and spending on things which have become senseless to you already. our friends shall stay as friends to us even after our marriage and after our children come around. yet, we can no longer be with them even if we want to because, of our change of priorities. if our friends understand our situation, they will stay away so we can keep on performing our tasks at hand, as wife and mother, properly.
@jc_star10 (954)
• Indonesia
4 May 07
Well, i afraid that's true. After you being a mom, it's hard to get you out with friends. I have a friend who already becomes mom, and it's hard to get her outside to have a little fun. I don't get angry though, but it's quite irritating to me, when everytime i ask her out. She will refused and refused. And she hardly come out home. I'm not blaming someone for being mother, but the friendship a little bit distracted by that fact. I don't end my friendship with her of course, cause that will be stupid and not mature. But it does made her a little bit far from you.
@sizzle3000 (3038)
• United States
4 May 07
This is normal. I think most people have gone through this. When we have our first baby that is all we talk about and if you don't have kids you are not interested in every little thing your kids did. The other thing is that when you have a child you have to be responsible and put someone else above having fun. My really good friends stayed around but the ones that were just around to party and have a good time went by the way side and that is ok because those kinds of people are not good for my kid to be around. I found that I made more friends when my daughter started school. I found other woman who were going through the same as me and that was nice. The other thing that you need to watch is that while you are being a mom some of these party friends will have babies and need you for advice again. Some will come back into your life later and then it will be up to you weather to let them back in or not.
• Philippines
4 May 07
don't be affected because if they are real friends they should be able to understand you and for sure if the situation permits you'll be able to just invite them and have the usual bonding!
1 person likes this
@chaime (1153)
• Philippines
4 May 07
not necessarily lost but generally just lost touch. And since my focus is on my children, I am not able to go with them on gimicks and parties, unlike before, when they call, I can just go with them. Now, my priorities are different and generally on schedule that I cannot just pack up and leave and you're right the money spent on myself before and on my friends now just goes to my children's things. I'm lucky my friends are good and they understand my situation and they know that I can join them only on some occasions and not all the time.