What do you do when someone spanks their child in front of your child?

I've been in this situation and i've felt very uncomfortable, but i've told this family member that spanking him only makes it worse and that they learn to fear this person and not respect them. I only told them this because they ARE family, but I don't know what i'll do if i see a stranger doing that. I mean, if it's obvious abuse and not 'spanking' i'm sure i'll say something, but I don't know if i'll step and say something if it's a stranger. I know my dh has made comments and made some parents stop, but I don't know what I would do. We aren't going to spank our lo, but this is coming from a mom with a 7month old!. I honestly don't believe that spanking is the way to teach a child to stop or do certain behaviors. This is not to say that when my lo needs a swat on the butt he won't get it. I would explain to your child that some mommies spank their kids when they don't listen to them. Reassure him that you love him and that you won't hurt him. I'm not sure what advice to give you, sorry.

Yeah that would make me uncomfortable. I would have thought she would have at least taken the child out of the room before doing it. Does she know that you don't spank? If so it was kind of rude for her to do it right in front of you and your son. All you can do is what you did, hug him and let him know everything is okay. You cant control what she does so you did the best in that situation. You might want to call her up and let her know for next time that you don't spank and would rather your son not witness that.

That's a tough one. I'm not sure what I would do. We do spank our son, but only for things that would cause him more pain if he continued, and even still it's just a swat on the butt, or the hand (depending on what he's doing). He's been spanked a handful of times so far, and it's almost always been for things like poking the dogs in the eyes, even after he's been removed, and only after they growl and let him know it's not acceptable. Usually he knocks it off, but a few times we've had to spank. We just believe that's better than the alternative. We definitely don't just spank him because he is misbehaving. There are other ways to deal with that. Sitting the baby on the couch and not letting him play with anything for about a minute and a half works really well right now. One he can count all the way to five (he's up to four now, five once in a while) on a regular basis, we will probably use a counting discipline. I think most of the people that we visit that have kids know our stance on spanking. I know our neighbors take their son into the other room when my son is around, so he doesn't have to witness it. If they are at our house, they head upstairs and into Elliott's room, and I know what's going on. That way Elliott doesn't have to see it.

I think I would have to talk to my friend about it at another time. I'd probably call in a few days, and I'd be very clear that I respect her right to discipline her child; but that my child was very confused by what they witnessed. Perhaps in the future if her child is beginning to get out of hand, the visit can be cut short before the child is spanked.

Let me begin by saying that I respect everyone elses opinions on this matter and I am in no way advocating "beating" or abusing children. I feel there are two issues being raised here. The first being that of smacking children. I personally do not see a problem with this. I have three children. Two of which I do not need to as other forms of discipline work. The other is headstrong and very defiant, a smack on the hand or bum is the only thing that makes them listen. They are in no way afraid of me but need that quick shock to bring them back in to line. It's not an everyday occurance. I would rather smack my child than end up with an unruly one who has no respect for anyone or anything. The second issue appears to be that of violence. I guess it depends on what you class as violence. I don't see a child being disciplined as a thing to hide children away from. Disipline is a good thing. Just because we choose/need to use different methods does not make any one better or worse. The world today is such a harsh place I don't believe we should shield our children from everything. Yes they are children and things should be explained in ways they understand but they need to be aware of the dangers and reality of life. By them seeing these things on tv etc introduces it gradually. They cope because we as parents explain these issues. If we don't at what age do you suddenly tell your child the world isn't really like balamory, were everyone lives happily ever after? Please remember this is only my opinion.

I don't what to do too if i was in that condition. I don't have kids yet, but i brought my cousin's daughter with me to my friends' house. And she was also spank her kids, and Alicia (my cousin's daughter) have horror looks in her face. I told my friend for not doing that, but she just saying "If i don't do that, he will still be naughty"..I just don't agree with that statement. Because you spank your kids, they tend to get naughtier and naughtier to get your attention when it's needed.

Iknow it is wrong to sspank a child in this day and age.I do not like seeing it either.But think about it.People do not seem to have control of there kids now a days.There is no reason to spank a child.When my son was young I never once raised my voice to him.When I did he new I was mad,and would never do it again.I think that parents today yell at their children so much that the children get get so used to it they ignore them.That is why they hit them.Tjis is so wrong.There is no reason to do this.By the way my son is now 21 and respects me more than anyone else.

I feel sorry for you and your son, she should not have done that in front of you both, especially when your son is so young. I don't smack my kids, if they are young and they are doing something wrong, then I encourage them to do something else. When they older I take a privilige away or some of their pocket money.

My dad used to do that too when we were young.He didn't care if people were around or not.And the people who were there thought it was very normal to punish your child like that.I'm against it i will never do that to my child.

I am sure that in that situation, your child was very confused and upset....since this is not the form of discipline that you use...it was hard for him to grasp the concept of why this child's mother was hitting him.... When my child(ren)/grandshildren have witnessed violence, we usually discuss it...I always try to help them understand what they saw or why....on a level that they can understand and then ask if they have any other questions.... However, we your children are little--like yours, I would try to comfort them and then remove them from the situation...you were at her house...so you could leave at any time...I do not mean that in a mean way....I am just saying that you have the choice to take your child away from the offensive behavior of the mother. I did not mean to offend you, my friend...we have discussed discipline methods before.....I realize that with it being a family member, it may be hard for her to understand....but you have to raise your child the way that you think is best...right?

I might be in shock because I'm not used to see a violence between the parent and their children in a real life situation. But after that I will talk to the parents and give them some advice how to discipline their children without hurting them

The best thing possible to do is that try to make your child forget it as soon as possible

I thought the child cannot distinguish the right and wrong,I can wellteach him by mine experience and the predecessonrs lesson!!!

I have found that it is impossible to keep my child from seeing violence. It is everywhere. I can however talk to her about it. Using simple words that your child knows helps alot. It is amazing what children understand even at a really young age.

A somewhat similar thing happened to me the other night. the differences were that I did not have a child with me, and the violence wasn't physical, but it was the same in that someone was getting hurt/punished in the presence of others. I ended up keeping my mouth shut, because THAT DAY I knew if I were to say something, I'd just start WWIII, so I thought controlling myself was the most important thing to do at the time. As for your situation, I'd take my child and leave. If asked why, I'd explain to the parent that witnessing the spanking scared your child, and that you are not going to subject your child to anything that is scary or confusing to him.

That is a hard situation because you did say it was a family members home. I'm sure it was a little awkward for you. But I think you handled it pretty good. But then again, if she was way out of hand, then I would of walked out or said something. So I guess it all depends on how things got out of hand with her and her child. If it was just a spanking, then you could probably brush that off, but I never did understand why some parents would drag their child to another room and then just lay into them and all the yelling in stuff. I'm sure it did upset your litle guy. Maybe next time, if you think it might happen again, either leave or say something.

I'm sorry your son got so upset. Firstly I don't consider spanking as violence but rather discipline. I do see a clear distinction between spanking and abuse though. Secondly I think you did right in hugging him. You could just say to him "parents teach their kids differently. His mommy chooses to spank."

I find this hard as a parent that doesn't agree with it and also my son has kind of the same reaction. He doesn't like it the way some parents yell at their kids he finds even this hard to handle. One of my friends is a person that is quite vocal with her kids and my son gets quite scared when she does it he blocks his ears. I think she noticed cos she doesn't do so much around him anymore, which is good cos he didn't want to see them for a while and when I asked why he said cos she yells to much. I explained to him that some people are louder but she still was a nice person as she is, just different in the way she handles situations. She has noticed though that it would upset him and is not so full on when we around.

Ok, I will probably be the unpopular one here now, as I spank my children when they are behaving extremely bad, and they just won't listen to anything else. I do exhaust all other methods of discipline before resorting to this though. I don't take spanking my children lightly. It is not something that I really want to do. But I honestly think that sometimes a good old fashioned spanking is about the only thing that will put them back in line again. On the other hand, I don't tend to spank my children in front of other children or in front of other parents. I try to avoid that as I feel that their discipline should be kept private to an extent and another toddler does not need to see them getting spanked if that is the case at hand. I think that if you and your child are really uncomfortable with that situation that you are right in removing yourself from it, but you should really try to explain to him somehow that, that is how the other parent disciplines their children, but not you. That way he will not be scared. I really can't think of a way to explain it to a toddler though, as that would be rather difficult. :)

I do spank my child when he shows that he understands what he's doing and he knows it's wrong, when he endangers himself knowingly, and when needed. By that I mean if he throws a tantrum for no reason, etc.I was spanked as a child as was my bro and we are upstanding citizens who contribute positively to society, not to mention that we both managed to build our own businesses and be quite successful at it. A research study was published a while ago on aol that showed that all the top ceo's of fortune 500 companies were spanked as kids. Makes u think doesn't it? Spanking your child is not violence against him. There is a huge difference b/w spanking and abuse. A parent who loves their child and choses to discipline by spanking would not harm that child physically, psychologically, or emotionally. Exposing your child to violence would be letting him watch spiderman, superman, batman, etc. But people don't think about that. They would rather judge parents who chose to discipline their children differently to them. Would I discipline my son in front of someone else? Yes, but only if other methods of discipline failed first, therefore it would be no different to the other times he gets spanked. And I always make sure that he's not acting out cos he's tired, frustrated, upset, etc. It has to be a deliberate action on his part.