Helpful hints ...to make a life a little bit stranger!

@ElicBxn (61137)
United States
May 10, 2007 4:21pm CST
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). Color coordinate your pet with your furniture and carpets. That way, the hair won't show if you don't regularly sweep it up.
4 people like this
9 responses
@okn0tok (569)
• United States
10 May 07
Don't forget, instead of cleaning the toilet simply paint the outside brown for a match. Also you can save on your cleaning bill by simply getting your clothes evenly dirty, got a stain fro ketchup? Put one on the other side, get creative add some sequins or marker art, now its a pattern. Tired of paying for trash service? Simply take turns dumping it into neighbors garbage cans. Tired of walking to get the mail? Change you address to the neighbors, take turns with this, and it will be delivered to your door by your neighbor. My favorite, train your pets to go to the bathroom next door, why not your neighbor already does so much for you!
@ElicBxn (61137)
• United States
10 May 07
Those are great! I'm going to have to share them with the place I got the first ones!
@okn0tok (569)
• United States
10 May 07
Glad you liked them! I have tons of weird ideas.
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
11 May 07
lol These hints are just tooooooo good, ElicBxn. Thanks a bunch for em. Only prob I have with the phone book idea is that e1 I know isn't listed in the phone book. lol I've actually tried color-coordinating my carpet and furniture with my pets but it's pretty hard when you have a black dog/cat, a white cat and a orange cat. lol Btw..Tigger says 'purrrrrr mew mew purrrrrr' (Steph says I'm wild, phoey on her. My new mommy says I'm a purring machine)lol
@ElicBxn (61137)
• United States
11 May 07
I just went to tile floors since I've got so many of the fur-butts.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
12 May 07
The hints and tips are awesome. I think alot of people may already be doing some of these thing, laugh out loud. Alot of people are desperate to fit in with others and they will do whatever it takes to act or seem like they are rich and have everything everyone else has or they will come up with ways to make things easy for themselves if they have no money to buy the things they have to have. My daughter used to carry around a cell phone that didn't work, but she acted like it did, just because other kids had one. She has her own now, but it was funny.
11 May 07
PMSL Here's another one for you Need to clean your car, park it next to your neighbour when he is watering the lawn with his new multispray garden spray.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
11 May 07
"No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off." I have to make sure my kids don't see this one! I would never get them bathed! I actually sort of did this by mistake: Color coordinate your pet with your furniture and carpets. That way, the hair won't show if you don't regularly sweep it up. It is another handy little time saving tip for life!
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
11 May 07
LOL! Hahahahaha! That was too funny! Thanks hon...I needed the laugh badly tonight.
@gberlin (3836)
10 May 07
I love these helpful hints! lol! Truly the work of genius!
• Canada
10 May 07
That would make life stranger LOL LOL!!!
@pyewacket (44032)
• United States
10 May 07
Oh ho...this is funny...Gee, I need to lose a bit of weight...raw pork and rancid tuna huh...gotta remember that--LOL