Any suggetions for help with my 15 year old...

@fyrechsr (293)
United States
May 23, 2007 7:50am CST
daughter? I just do not know what to do anymore. Ok here's the deal. She is constantly stealing food and soda's. She cleaned her room the other day and brought down a huge garbage bag full. Well we decided that we should find out exactly what she could possibly fill a trash bag with. Mind you these are the 33 gal. bags. The majority was food wrappers and soda can's. By food wrapper's I mean boxes of cereal, chip bags, candy wrappers and tubs of frosting. She is supposedly on a diet. We have to laugh about that for our own reason. She was recently on her schools softball team and actually did lose weight because she was out getting excercise. Well now that is done and she is already gaining the weight back on. We have tried to talk with her about what she is doing and how it is affecting her weight and that she will not lose weight this way. We are on a very low budget for groceries and pretty much everything. Short of putting a lock on the fridge and every cupboard I dont know what to do anymore. She gets an attitude when we say anything about it and then gets mad and tells us we are picking on her. I feel like she hates me most of the time because she stays in her room all the time until we go to bed. Then comes down we believe just to raid the kitchen. Does anyone have any suggestions to help in this situation?
3 people like this
12 responses
@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
23 May 07
So she is stealing this food from your house, right? I would get her some outside help. She definitely has something going on that makes her want to eat like this and hide it. If you don't get her help, I fear that she will get out of control~ even more than she is now. You might have to put a lock on the fridge for now until this is resolved. Good luck.
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@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
Thank you for the response. I am currently looking at dieticians* in our area to get her some help.
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@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
23 May 07
I would recommend that she go to a counsilor for help, not a dietician.
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@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
23 May 07
We do not allow food anywhere but downstairs. I was finding that the kids were doing much of the same thing. Their rooms were a mess and mostly with food wrappers and drinks. If they take it upstairs, they are not allowed to go to their rooms except to sleep for a week. It put a curb to that and then we could kind of monitor what they were eating.
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@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
Well the rule in our house is you eat at the table only. I never thought of keeping her out of her room though. Lol i just might try that. Thanks for your post
1 person likes this
@sjohnson628 (3197)
• United States
23 May 07
I would tell her if she keeps doing this you will take away her privilege to something that she really loves like her computer or cell phone or tv for one whole month. Also I would try to not buy those kind of items like the frosting and candy and chips that way she won't be tempted to hide and eat them up in her room. I am thinking the reason she brings the stuff to her room is could be she knows she is trying to diet and feels bad that she is eating things she shouldn't. Try replacing those items with healthy snacks fruit granola bars and bottled water instead of soda. Good luck!
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
We have done just that. Replacing the bad with the good. However it still ends up in her room. I dont really care if she eats. Its the fact the she is stealing things and not following the rules. We have tried taking things away but to no avail. She simply doesnt care what we do or maybe becasue she knows she will just do it when we are not home. Thank you for the response.
1 person likes this
• New Zealand
23 May 07
Hold on you dont care what she eats but she's on a diet? You go on about her weight all the time? gee encouragement helps here and is needed not the constant reminders she's over weight how bout when she comes home you getting her out for a walk with you take her to the park throw a ball around get out with her instead of allowing her to go sit in her room and be inactive. I was an over weight child and will admit still am my mum nickname for me was her baby walrus I liked it so kept eating so I still could be her baby walrus. The more you go on the more she will eat because she is getting more and more depressed about her weight because you arent making her fell better and she is feeling like a loser.
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@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
My point was I dont care if she eats...shes a growing child who needs to eat. of course I care "HOW MUCH" she eats. Yes we go for walks all the time and yes we make her go but there are times when she absolutley will not...what am I supposed to do drag her out kicking and screaming....and yes you may thing i am joking but she would literally being kicking ans screaming.
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@kumbarn14 (735)
• Pakistan
24 May 07
Mom, you are talking of your sweet daughter. Please live her alone, if she wants to eat let her eat. She cant eat more than she can eat. This is her home, without eating in her home where else can she go. Take care of your good health, blood pressure by just ignoring her. She gains weight it is her problem and she will automatically take care of it when required. I love your daughter because I too have 2 daughters and I love them very much. Take care sweet mother and you are a nice mother.
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
24 May 07
Ok thanks for taking time to respond. How am I supposed to ignore this? It is very unhealthly to be her weight at her age. Something could be seriously wrong so no Im sorry I can not just ignore it and let her continue doing this.
• Pakistan
24 May 07
Dont push children, they become more stubborn. What are you going to do keep on telling the same thing over and over again and do you think you will get the results what you want, no way. You are not only making her life miserable but the entire family. Change your mood and find out if she has any problem around her or whether she is disgusted of her ownself, there is some reason for her behaviour. Please try to solve the problem in favour of your daughter, she requires help not you because whatever you say is the rule. Just be calm and ask her what she would like to have for breakfast or lunch or dinner. This may change her mood.
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
25 May 07
I am not pushing her in anyway. I am getting her help. She does have input on meals and also likes to make alot of the meals. So I dont understand where you get that I am pushing her into something she doesnt want to do. If anything yes I am if you wanna call it "pushing" the rules as to not have food in her room. The only reason why that is an issue is because I dont want to live with bugs in my house. I didnt realize I was alone on this issue.
@compumom (738)
• United States
24 May 07
I'm sure you tried everything, and she's still stealing food. I'm sure she's not proud of what she's doing. Why not try a exercise routine with her. Something like biking together, walking together or hiking together. It's amazing how spending time out of the house doing physical activity on a regular basis will not only help her,but it will help you to help her. Food is a substitute for something she's craving. It might be one on one attention from you or a need to feel special. Give it a try for a couple of months. If I'm wrong, at lest you'll have spent quality time with your daughter. Good Luck!
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
24 May 07
Thank you for responding. We have nightly walks together. Although yes we do miss a couple nights here and there, but we try atleast.
• India
24 May 07
From your brief note it is clear that there is lack of understanding between you and daughter. Your daughter is at the age of 15 this time. This is the age when we should make a friend to our children. Each thing should be taught in a friendly way otherwise conflict will start. By pressure we cannot put up the points to grown up children. At this age, the children are able to take decision at their own, though there may be failures too at initial stage. We should try to convince about the good and bad part of anything he/she is going to do, that too with only soft words otherwise he/she may burst and disobey. The way you are behaving is not proper. Change it and try with other 2-3 tatics which she may like. I am hopeful she will hear your words and change the present way of life. By pressure you cannot control her. Only by heart it is possible.
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
24 May 07
Thanks for responding....I guess I dont really understand your comment. My daughter and I are freinds. Prolly not as much as I would like butwe are working on it. I dont believe I pressure her at all either.
@GardenGerty (113719)
• United States
24 May 07
I am going to take a different tack here, and you, and I hope the person on number 12 take what I have to say to heart. Get your children screened for diabetes. Constant hunger is a symptom! It is not the only symptom, but if your children were mine, I would look for a metabolic disorder first, then an emotional disorder. Actually, depression goes along with diabetes as well. It sounds like your daughter is eating lots of carbs. I am not saying it is impossible that she has an eating disorder, or is an emotional eater, but I would also look for other things as well. Cover all of your bases.
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
24 May 07
Wow thank you...I never even thought of diabetes. I will have that checked also.
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
24 May 07
Have you tried purchasing healthier or other "undesirable" foods? It worked for my cousins. They and the other children in my family are also required to maintain a level of activity, whether organized or not. My younger cousin is always out playing with the little kids in the neighborhood, my kids are running the dogs, and my siblings are involved in footbal, hockey, and volleyball. But all families are different, so even if it's just a walk after dinner, that would help with the weight and the cost issue. It's easier to feel full if you maintain an active lifestyle. Blessed Be
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
24 May 07
thanks for the response....yes we are active and try very hard to get her invovled in everything, however she is very unruly at times and will not move. We are buying healthy foods but it doesnt matter she still eats way more than her share or it sits in her room and spoils.
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
23 May 07
Stop buying junk food. If you have cereal make it a healthy cereal, instead of candy bars buy fruit. If thre is nothing for her that she wants to steal, then she will stop stealing. Everyone including you and her will be healthier.
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
Ok just so everyone understands...We are buying healthy snacks. She still steals them. Thanks for the response.
• United States
23 May 07
It is a tough situation. Is there a way to get her a hobby that may take her mind off th food? I feel for her. When I get depressed I head for the fridge. It is a huge struggle for me. I eat less when I have something else to occupy me. Maybe she can find a part time job orsomething that will help her keep busy. It is hard living on a budget when there are people in your house going against the plan.
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
Thanks for your response. She is starting a babysitting job next week actually.
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
23 May 07
It sounds like your daughter may have an eating disorder. I know that most people think of eating disorders like bulimia and anoxeris, but compulsive overeating is an eating disorder too. You may want to try taking her to the doctor and talking about her eating habits. One thing you can do is get all the junk food out of your house. Stop buying junk food and sodas and things of that nature. If you don't have the stuff in your house, she cannot raid the kitchen and get it. Keep lots of fruit and veggies on hand and then when she raids for food, she will be eating healthier stuff. Try getting her involved in some sort of physical activity. Maybe another sport or karate or something. You may also want to try talking to her about how you are worried about her health and maybe the two of you can go to Overeaters Anonymous. They really helped me with my food issues. Could be there is something going on with your daughter and food is the only thing she feels gives her comfort or that she has control over.
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
Thank you for your response. We are looking into another softball team for her and some other activities for the summer.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
23 May 07
Fyrechsr, First, I agree with some of the other commentors, this is most likely not a food issue, but another kind altogether. She needs to see a counselor, many shcools have a counselor that she could go see, or they could problably reccomend one for free. As far as her eating junk food all of the time, until she gets the counseling she needs, she will continue to eat whatever she can get her hands on, to fill that emotional need. I would empty the house of most of the junk. Keep you and your hubby's favorites, or must haves, hidden in your room somewhere, and don't tell the kids about it. It will be really hard for her to resist temptation if every time she opens the cupboard, there is a bag of chips, or carton of Oreo's right in front of her. Yes, It's a sacrifice you will have to make, but one that will be better for her, and your whole family really, in the long run. Make sure you don't just address the symptoms though, if she's eating because of emotional stress, or insecurities, then she needs help to work through those problems, and she problalby won't be willing to talk to you about it. IF you can't find a counselor, you could always go to the local church, many times they will offer free counsel. I wish you luck!
@fyrechsr (293)
• United States
23 May 07
wmaharper...thanks for the kind words. She does talk with a couselor at school but they obviously dont think there is anything serious going on as they have mentioned nothing of this to me. She had a different problem arise before in which I called the school and talked to the couselor and asked if they could talk with her about this in their session. I was told they would and would let me know what was going on with it. That was about 4 months ago and have heard nothng since. She is also involved in church and I will see what I can do through there.