Why do lesbians feel that they have to role play?

Australia
May 23, 2007 1:55pm CST
I have been gay all my life and really don't understand why women play butch and fem. Surely that went out in the last century in the 50's. I thought in this more liberated time and futuristic century, we had the freedom to be completely ourselves. There is no need for playing a stereotype of a heterosexual relationship, when that is what we are trying to get away from. We should just be ourselves and look for respect, love, intelligence, honesty, good communication, sense of humour and things to share and grow together.
1 person likes this
4 responses
• United States
24 May 07
hi there :) are you sure its role play and not just the nature of the some certain women?? i mean some of us are more dominate and some more passive so i guess that can be mistaken at times for butch and fem..just like dressing styles every woman likes to dress different be it in jeans and tees or slacks ...or dresses..i think its just the nature and personality of the woman that makes her one or the other not ness. role playing
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 May 07
I see your point and agree. We can all be dominant or passive. Hopefully in the ordinary individual, both parts of the personality interplay. Like any relationship, when one stumbles, the other takes over and is the strong one. I was speaking more about women who actually play outdated roles from the last century, and refer to themselves as male/female. And the rules that they create around this bizarre mockery.
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@gardengrrl (1445)
• United States
26 May 07
Wow, I had no idea that there were still women who play the roles out formally! I haven't been out in the clubs much in the last few years, but I recall that there were 2 or 3 couples who emphasized their butch-ness and fem-ness, mostly as a style thing. Can't say what happened at home, but you know the old saying, "Fem in the streets, butch in the sheets!" Peace.
• Australia
26 May 07
Yeah, sad thing isn't it? They play these stereotypes in Sydney and in New Zealand. I am not sure what it is about. We are all individuals and inclined to dress as we feel comfortable and act accordingly. Surely there would be no joy in playing a role, when lesbianism is about being oneself and enjoying the unity of other women who believe the same. Why do we let ourselves be segregated further by outdated stereotypes that never worked originally, especially by other women.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 May 07
You got me thinking about it, and it occurred to me that this may actually be an expression of the success of the Gay Pride Movement. Back in the mid-20th century, they needed these roles to affirm their lesbianism, and ID each other, things like that. It fell out of favor with our generation, we were all busy freeing ourselves from all that rubbish and working on changing our collective image, politics, etc. Now, everyone is free to be (more or less), and it's safe to trot out the old roles, if that's what you want to do. Kinda cool, if that's what's happening. For me, it was never really a choice - I was a bouncing baby d*y*ke and looked the part. Still pretty butch, I look like a smacked a*s*s in a dress and makeup! My honey is what I call sporty, butch but with a better sense of style. Good discussion, thanks for sparking the old thought train!
@david2005 (800)
• Canada
4 Feb 08
I have noticed that a lot in lesbian relationships that there is always one girl that acts fem and the other acts like a guy. Why can't they both be fem?
• United States
9 Jun 07
I definitely have to agree with the first person who posted. I dont think there is so much role playing anymore its just that we each have our own styles and hence that may unfortunately come off as either dominant or passive.