Do you take it EASY while your kid Cries for something? How do you judge reason?
By aliasad
@aliasad (1567)
Pakistan
May 30, 2007 5:55am CST
This is the question to parents particularly but to all generally. What I feel is that parents and particularly mothers are more familiar about the kids problem.
Sometimes while baby just start crying, the mom feels at once ... "hungery / feed time" and give the feed or food. But sometimes, keeping in view the nature of kid she remains ignorant knowing that the reason.
What is the most thing making you attentive or ignorant about kids attitude? Do you take it easy or concious about your kid?
Thanking you in anticipation.
5 people like this
16 responses
@cdparazo (5765)
• Philippines
30 May 07
Sometimes I just ignore my daughters when they cry because I know that they are just crying to get what they want and I don't want to give in. Children are manipulative and they cry when they want to get their own way. At such an early age, we as mothers could sense such things and will let them understand or know the boundaries of what is not good or good by not giving in. However, there are just times that I have to tell my 2-year old daughter to stop because she is just wasting her tears and that I am not giving in to her because what she is asking might be bad for her.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
30 May 07
Me too, cdparazo. When mine was two, she could not speak as well, and used tears as her currency. Of course I would run around doing her bidding all day. But, then one day it occurred to me that she just might be able to live without some of the constant pampering. And, I think I was right. If my daughter had it her way, she'd lay around all day on the couch and have me run errands for her. And, she's barely 3 years old! Sometimes you just have to put your foot down.
Now of course, I'm speaking about toddler, preschool age kids. If you have a baby, newborn etc. I would not ignore the cries. More recent science and research has suggested that babies do not cry to be manipulative, but only for food, warmth, loneliness, and desire to be held or changed.
They don't have the capacity to understand the concept of manipulation. And, parents that ignore baby cries are only teaching them that they will not be there for them when they need help.
That's not a good message to send to your baby.
When it comes to preschool age kids, they do need limits, though and if you don't put your foot down sometime, you'll end up giving in to everything. And, they will learn that crying is the best way to motivate you.
Mine is testing her limits on tantrums. She knows that I don't want her to scream in the house. So, everytime I don't give her something she wants, she pitches a fit.
That's when I just have to grit my teeth and be a real mom. And, ignore it!
@aliasad (1567)
• Pakistan
31 May 07
Thanks for your input here Cdparazo!
I would agree with Beautyqueen that kids don't have the capacity to understand the concept of manipulation, upto a certain age limit. Yes, the parents that ignore baby cries are only teaching them that they will not be there for them when they need help. This could make them a bit less confident in coming life. Yes, the newly born babies have their own messages to convey while cring before the mother.
Thanks for both of your valuable comments. Have a good day!
1 person likes this
@cdparazo (5765)
• Philippines
31 May 07
I don't quite agree entirely. It all depends on the age of the child. Of course, toddlers say 1-2 years old doesn't have concept of manipulation. But when they reach a certain age like my 2 1/2 year old daughter, they learn that they could cry or throw tantrums to get whatever they want. Even my 5-year old does that. Of course as responsible parents, we should know if and when the reason for crying is valid. On the other hand, the child would only feel that her/his parents won't be there for her/him, if the parents doesn't bother to explain why we don't give them what they want and if we don't always affirm our love for them. I have no doubt that my daughters are secure in their knowledge that I will always be there for them. As kids, they would always cry and I just let them be if I know for sure that they are only acting or just asserting what they want. However when they cry too loud or too long already, I always put my foot down and say that they have to stop and then I start talking to them. As parents, we should know when and how to put a stop to it and at the same time be able to affirm our love for them.
@mememama (3076)
• United States
30 May 07
Once I got in the swing of things, I knew what my babies cries meant. Babies are not manipulative at all, they just aren't verbal to say words to what they need. I've always tended to my sons needs and he's a very independant toddler now. Now that he's a toddler, I know the difference between a tantrum cry (all too familiar lol) and the cry of pain, hunger, being wet, being lonely. I also ask him-are you hungry? when it's the hunger cry/whine so he can associate a word with that feeling.
2 people like this
@aliasad (1567)
• Pakistan
31 May 07
Well, the wise thing is of course to attend! Sometimes, kids really just cry with no reason whilst he/she needs some attention or want to participate in a certain event ... lol and you are ignoring constantly due to one reason or the other. :) Thanks for your sharing MemeMama!
@GardenGerty (157555)
• United States
30 May 07
My kids have been grown a long time, but I was not one to let them cry it out. I would go to them, and try to comfort them, and try to figure out what was wrong. I am that way with little kids today. If no one else will help, I will try to. If kids are crying, there is usually a reason, they just cannot always tell us what it is.
2 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
30 May 07
for sure. the baby will only cry because he/she has reasons to. even if it's too difficult to understand why, the mother usually figures out the reasons quick and attends to what the baby needs.
1 person likes this
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
30 May 07
I am very conscious of my children's cries. It was easy for me to tell what each cry meant when the were babies. Now that they are older its even easier. My daughter cries for one of two reasons. She isn't getting her way about something or that she is tired. Both of my sons cry when they are in trouble or someone is picking on them. I think that it is only natural that a parent knows their child's cries.
2 people like this
@latsmom (824)
•
30 May 07
I could never ignore my child cryig and never have been able to. I always like to find out what is wrong, although as you say instinctively you know anyway. I think taht now my daughter is older and able to talk sometimes if it is a tantrum we are taught to ignore but even when they can talk we can tell the difference between tears because we are genuinely eeded and tears just for teh sake of it. Before my daughetr could talk I always used to go to her if she cried but as they get older they use this to gain constant attention if you let them so it is most definately a hard one, but I would like but I woudl like to think I know the differencebetween diciplne by ignoring and neglect.
2 people like this
@hotbiatch (276)
• Philippines
30 May 07
a lot of times I can't take it easy! i want to strangle my self whenever my son screams and cries for something he wants! He is in his toddler years that is why he can really get bossy and noisy!
2 people like this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
30 May 07
since i am not a mother yet, i will talk about what i see around me. there are people i know of who know how to make their baby's cry stop. they know the needs and wants of their babies and attend to them at once.
but there are those, too who seem to be not responsible enough to be called moms. they just let their kids cry and even scold them because they can't get through and understand their babies. i hate such mothers.
@limcyjain (3516)
• India
30 May 07
I personally understand what could be the possible reasons when my child cries. I also call her up and talk to her what when wrong and remidify the act. When my daughters were small their cry made me loud and clear what could have got wrong. My husband however gets very irritated when children cry. He says if they have a problem they should simply come over and tell us why cry over the issue.
@aliasad (1567)
• Pakistan
31 May 07
Being a father, I must admit that sometimes it really irritates that whats wrong with the kid as he/she is crying. But this is the Mom who even not bother to see, a very very kind entity, isn't it?
On the other hand I don't think all the times fathers do so. Parents equally love the children but both have their own way of "how to deal or treat with". hahaha thanks for a nice input too.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
31 May 07
when i had my first born, i had no idea that i am also supposed to give her plain water aside from milk. i only realized this big mistake i had when once, she kept on crying no matter what i will do. i thought that giving her the feeding bottle with water only might do the trick. well, you guessed it right, she was so thirsty, she sipped about everything there was to the bottle. how mothers can be ignorant of the needs of the kids if not properly guided. of course, most mothers will always be attentive to the needs of the baby and the children.
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
30 May 07
I find that there is a commonality of infant cries for various needs. The cry of a tired baby is different from the cry of a hungry baby and from that of an angry baby, etc. So I could usually tell what my baby needed and respond accordingly. Now that I no longer have babies at home I can usually tell what a baby is crying about when I'm in a group that has a crying baby. However, not knowing the person with the baby, I usually can do nothing in response.
Babies have their own language and it is fairly easy to learn when you are around them a lot.
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
31 May 07
Yes, we do learn from experience with an infant. But it wouldn't have to be their own infant. It could be from taking care of younger siblings or from babysitting, which would be very helpful to a first-time mother.
@Mithoo (255)
• Pakistan
31 May 07
I have no child .... but I have been dealing with kids like my nephew and neice. I think kids cry due to the certain reasons like hunger, some irritation, reaction of being un-attended etc. But one thing that would really be surprising is the tone used hehehe yes, I really mean it. There is variance and one can easily judge, if have a good judgement.
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
30 May 07
I am a very "tuned-in" parent....I listen to my children and know there schedules....I am also very involved with my grown children's lives....
I can usually look at one of my children and tell their frame of mind..if they are sick, sad, mad, tired...
Being a Mom is the career that I chose many years ago (30) and now am a grandmother as well...I am the same way with my grandchildren...
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
31 May 07
how lucky can your children get for having a mother like you. so loving and caring and never tiring of kids. now, your grandchildren are having a heyday of this love, too. happy grandparenting. may there be more around like you.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
31 May 07
Trinadadvelasco, thank you so much for the kind words...
@azimsay (543)
• India
30 May 07
When my kid cries I feel very bad I afraid my child why she or he is crying.Ispeek with her orhis very likly.I will think what painig my child.If my child will not stopping crying I will go to the doctor,and will chack what is akking.Iwill try to give milk if my kid feel hungry and crying.
@medillavou (70)
• United States
30 May 07
You know my baby is in the stage where that is the only ways she can communicate. Sometimes they cry for any little thing. Any kind of discomfort or unsatisfaction. I always make sure that I have checked everything I can think of before I choose to let her cry a little. Sometimes they need to fuss. It makes them feel better. I think that I take it quite easy and at the same time I am very concious. I think with time she will get easier to understand. You know especially when she is able to tell me herself what she needs...I keep in mind to only give her what she needs and not what she wants...then I think I could spoil her.
