I hate being called SEXY!

@ZenDove (698)
United States
June 28, 2007 8:00am CST
My husband calls me sexy or tells me "you are the sexiest woman I've ever known" all the time. I hate it. I would rather be told that I am intuitive, smart, kind, funny, the best cook, the greatest mylotter - anything that didn't have to do with the luck of the draw! That's all that physicality can be truly attributed to, the luck of genetics. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for any physical health and beauty that I may have. I am especially grateful that I have a man in my life who appreciates it. But he never compliments me on anything else - just the way that my body looks. Tell me that I am a great Mom, that I am patient with my in-laws, that you appreciate my fidelity - something that remarks on my character! Our character is a reflection of who we CHOOSE to be, not just the luck of the draw of what our parents happened to look like. Sexiness is nice but it is not the "me" of me - I just want my lifemate to vocalize that awareness and appreciation. Anyone else out there feeling me on this? Or am I just not grateful enough?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@peaceful (3301)
• United States
28 Jun 07
As matter of practicality I don't necessarily believe that looks can represent sexuality with accuracy... I know too many beautiful women who are frigid, and have never had an "O" in their lives... I am a male who been on this planet for 54 years, and I can tell you with certainty, "Sexy Is As Sexy Does"... looks can be lost in the blink of an eye, it seems through aging, poor habits, disease and accidents... but true sexuality can last as long as the person is alive... I celebrate the WHOLE WOMAN, as it were, and I have had the good fortune to have many of them in my Life... The truly sexy women, were not what society would consider as "beauties" but to me they are Goddess in the flesh, with all Her features working at wonderful levels, and not a trace of "frigid" to be found. Joy, Abundance and Peace to you and yours! :)
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I suspect that part of the reasons for miscommunication between my husband and myself is the fact that he is so much younger than myself. Reading your response, I can sense your maturity and can only hope that my own husband is moving in that direction. "Goddess in the flesh" - that is beautiful and not many men can pull that line off! :-) Thanks for responding and may the same blessings be returned to you, thricefold.
@peaceful (3301)
• United States
28 Jun 07
My being an Earth-Loving, Tree-Worshipping, Life Positive Witch/Pagan Man, might also have something to do with it, too! :) When I tell a Woman that I "Worship The Ground She Walks On", I actually MEAN it! LOL! :) Blessings To Ye, In Time Of Three, and All Who Come In The Sight Of Thee!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jun 07
ZenDove..i know the feeling..i mean in my mind sexy is a state of mind..and not everyone views sexy the way i do..but yes i do know EXACTLY what you mean..if im sexy , what makes me that way? is iot my brain? anything besides my physical attributes? that never gets touched upon making me feel as if everything else i am is either not there or transparent..i mean my intelect is here..and when i hear you so sexy from my husband its always about how he voews me physically and i dislike it because i know theres so much more to being sexy then having ample cleavage or a shapely body..sometimes i just want to scream "im more than just a body you know"..you are so right when you mention that we dont choose to look the way we look we are just branches off of our parental tree..so looks can be so overated..and i understand that men are cisual creatures by nature but, isnt there more to them then what they see?i would appreciate more the "your a great mom" then your so sexy..because thats what i am on the outside to him..what about my inside? is tha not important?
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jun 07
hey sorry about the type o's was in rush when typing !
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I totally understand where you are coming from. Mine also uses that line a lot or will say that I'm beautiful. I'm really glad he feels that way BUT it would feel better if he would compliment me on other things instead. I'm one of those people that if I don't get a compliment about something I easily assume that no one notices or no one thinks I am talented, smart, kind.... They other reason it annoys me that these are the only compliments he gives me is that it makes me feel like an object and that's the onlt thing he likes about me. I know in my heart that isan't the case but my head says different sometimes.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Exactly! The whole thing of being objectified is slightly demeaning, especially when done by a husband. Besides, what happens when an even more attractive woman walks in the room? Does my value decrease? If I knew that my husband placed more value on my personality and inner self, he could gawk at all the cleavage that he wanted to! Sometimes I wonder if he is trying to reassure me of my attractiveness because I am older than he is and sometimes I wonder if he is just a stupid caveman!
@Kurokage (548)
• Albania
28 Jun 07
I think that sometimes men believe that saying a women is sexy will get them to do whatever the man wants. This obviously is old and it does not work. If you want to make a women fee good so that you can get on her good side, the man should just be nice.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
28 Jun 07
You know, it often does feel as though he is looking for a particular reaction from me when he says that. I try to express to him how much simple civility and companionship mean to me but he just HAS to pat me on my butt whenever I walk past him. ERRGH! He used to read poetry to me when we were dating - what happened to that guy? lol
@moomincat (321)
28 Jun 07
Oh!!! Enjoy it while it lasts. You could have worse problems.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
28 Jun 07
Undoubtedly this is minor in the greater scheme of things. Yet, while it is flattering to my ego, we are talking about a relationship that is supposed to last a lifetime - not just till the end of the evening! Gravity insists that husbands find more substanstial reasons to think loving and lustful thoughts about their wives, don't you think? I want him to lust after my opinions and my company more than he does certain body parts (blush!) After all, that is the impression he gave me when we first got together.
• India
29 Jun 07
but i love when my friends called me sexy, coz i m sexy then y i hate