My daughter is hurting and I am hurting for her (Ladies Only Please)
By SheliaLee
@SheliaLee (2736)
United States
July 14, 2007 9:08pm CST
I wasn't sure whether to start this discussion or not. But this has been a bad day and I need input and support from my friends.
My daughter has been going for several months now to a local flea market selling her BeautiControl. Everything has been fine until today. She was standing at another table looking at some things while she didn't have any customers. As she was standing there a man (she described as about her daddy's age) came up to her and started talking to her. She said he was friendly at first so she didn't think anything of it. Then he followed her over to her table. Suddenly he asked her "Do you want some of this?" and exposed himself to her!! She started slapping her hands toward him and said "No! No! Get away from me!" He kept saying things to her like "Oh come on, you are a young girl. Let's go." She even said he rubbed himself against and put his hand on her behind two times. She was finally able to get away from him and went and told one of the ladies who runs the flea market. Thankfully she had seen the man and saw him doing some other very ungentlemanly things. This lady started looking for the man and found him in another area of the flea market that had a monitor so they do have the man on camera. This lady called the police. They came out and my daughter filed a police report. The lady who had called the police called me to let me know what had happened and I was able to talk to the policeman myself. He advised us to go the courthouse Monday morning to get a copy of the police report and to also not leave until we speak with an investigator. They said we need to press charges so that something can be done to stop the man. They escorted the man to his car and made sure he left. They said he will be arrested if he ever returns to the flea market. What upsets me is the fact that they said they couldn't arrest him unless he was caught in the act!!! Why don't they take my daughter's word for it? I mean, why in the world would she make up something like that!I'm just so thankful that The Lord was watching over my daughter. If it had to happen I'm thankful that it was in a place where there were people who care for her. I called the ladies back at the flea market and thanked them so much for helping her, it meant so much to me.
Thank you for listening to me, I just need to blow off some steam. Amanda will come through this I know, but when she cries about it it tears my heart out. I wish it had been me instead of her.
SheliaLee
11 people like this
45 responses
@jbb316 (1779)
• United States
15 Jul 07
That is so terrible. I wish the police could do something. Its like when people come up missing they can't do anything until they have been gone for either 24 or 48 hrs. They could be long gone by then. They should at least investigate the man and get statements from others and if there are witnesses then why not arrest him. It makes no sense to me. It makes people afraid to tell because if the person is not going to be arrested then they are afraid for their safety. It is crazy. What is the point of the police if they are not going to help us.
4 people like this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
15 Jul 07
You are so right. I know they are doing their job, but it seems like they aren't doing enough. My husband asked her if the man had tried to flee the scene. She said he had tried to hide in a kitchen. That shows right there that he knew he had done something wrong. My husband and I have both agreed that if something isn't done we are going to go to someone and complain. I'm going to keep hounding them myself until something is done.
Thank you so much for your response and for listening.
2 people like this
alabama
amanda does too
amanda needs to pray
another area of the flea market
appreciate
appreciate response
burst into tears
caught on camera
congressmen and senators
definitely have someone with her from now on
doing their job
face red as a beet
grateful
husband was definitely upset
innocent until proven guilty
leighton
let her cry and talk
not doing enough
patted amanda
police doing job
proud of amanda
right
rough weekend
she is a christian
so right
some men are falsely accused
thanks
thanks for listening
thanks for responding
true
understand
very messed up
voice frustration
writing and calling
@AmbiePam (85441)
• United States
15 Jul 07
To be fair, and believe me I'm ticked at the police too, they can't do anything unless the state legislature makes new laws. Policemen cannot make laws as we know, just enforce them. So the blame lies with Congress who never have to experience what sweet Amanda did.
2 people like this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
15 Jul 07
That is true Pam, and believe me, if something isn't done about this man I'll be writing and calling to my congressmen and senators to voice my frustration. My husband and I have both said we will be filing complaints if something isn't done. One of the policemen who was there goes to our church. I told my husband that I don't want to bother him at home but I will call or go to his home, he lives near us, and ask him can we meet with him somewhere in a business situation and talk about this and try to come to a solution if something doesn't happen. I hope it don't come to that, but we are not going to just sit back and do nothing.
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
15 Jul 07
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your daughter. I am just happy to hear that nothing worse happened, not that I am minimizing what did happen by any means. The Police however do have to catch the man in the act though because people have been known to make up things like that. Why someone would make something like that up though beats me. I hope you and your daughter feel better soon hun!
*hugz 2 you both*
3 people like this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
15 Jul 07
Of course you have my support hun! I'm sure in time it will get easier for you and Amanda. I don't blame you one bit for pressing charges as he needs to be taught a lesson. Your both in my thoughts!*hugz to you both*
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Thank you PurpleTeddyBear,
I understand the police are doing their job and a person is innocent until proven guilty. It is just so hard to see my daughter cry. She got up this morning to get ready for church and as she and I were talking she burst into tears again. I just held her and let her cry. I told her that being in church under God's word will help. I said that the message our pastor gives may have something just for her. She and I are having to struggle with forgiving this man but we know that we have to by God's help. We know that if he turns to God he can change but it is so hard to forgive someone who has hurt your child. Believe me, we are going to press charges. The man has to pay for what he has done. But I still pray that God will convict him and show him his need for Jesus.
Thank you so much for your response and for listening. I'm sitting here in tears myself. I knew I would get support from you and all my friends here. It is just going to take a while for Amanda to get through it and stop hurting and being scared.
God Bless You hon and I'll talk to you again soon.
1 person likes this
@Penguinsangel (3498)
• United States
15 Jul 07
My god...if they have him on camera, doesnt' that mean that they caught him in the act? And if your daughter wants to press chargers who are they to say he did or didn't do it?? That's just really nuts. I don't understand why they didn't arrest him for the lude act. That's just totally wrong.
2 people like this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Thank you for listening hon. When they caught the man on camera was when he was in the other part of the flea market but they do know for sure what he looks like. The lady who called me and told me what had happened also saw the man walking around fooling with himself in plain view of the flea market.
Amanda is worried that it may require her going to court. I told her if that is the case and it takes that to put him away then we will do it. She will have to be the witness but she will not be there alone. I told her that I will be with her through this ordeal. If her daddy has to take off work I know he will too. He was so upset. His face was beet red. He admitted to me later when she left the room that if he had been there when it had happened he would have knocked the man out cold. I don't doubt for even a second either. The one thing that makes him mad in a heart beat is for someone to mess with his family.
@AmbiePam (85441)
• United States
15 Jul 07
They DIDN'T arrest him? Oh, now I'm mad. This makes me want to move to your state and start lobbying to change some laws on the book! Your poor daughter! I am sooo sorry! How hard that has got to be. I know she is from a Christian home and she is more sheltered than a lot of ladies her age. So if anyone even thinks about blowing it off, they would just be stupid.
I just cannot tell you how sorry I am for you and her, and how terribly angry I am. I can only imagine your shock and horror. And your husband, I bet he is upset too! I wish I had something to say. I know the Lord is going to work this out for you and Amanda. But Shelia, and I know it is early to recommend this, if she continues to have a hard time, please don't let her be ashamed to go talk to a counselor. It would be even worse if this followed her down the road. And I'm not ashamed to say I would need counseling if that ever happened to me.
I'm praying for you both!
-Amber
3 people like this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Thank you sweetie, your response means so much. My husband was definitely upset. He just patted Amanda and let her cry and talk but his face was as red as a beet. I'm sure his blood pressure went up. He admitted to me when she had left the room that if he had been there when it happened he would have flattened the man out cold, and I don't doubt that for one second. Steve can't stand for anyone to mess with his family, that makes him mad quicker than anything. He told me he is trying not to think about it so his blood pressure won't shoot through the roof.
Amanda seems to be doing okay for right now but Monday is really going to be stressful for her. If you think of it please breathe a special prayer for her Monday morning around 9:00. That is when we have to go to the courthouse.
Thanks again hon and God Bless You.
2 people like this
@fuzzEbluebathrobe (378)
• United States
15 Jul 07
I am sorry this happened to your daughter but she should be proud of how she handled it. Your daughter is no shrinking violet. Well handled- Making as much noise as possible and protecting herself. The fact that he actually touched her does make it a form of assault. I do not know what the police were thinking.
Let her cry it out- it will stop soon when she gets really angry. She will need the most support to follow through on pressing charges. Believe it or not people will say the most awful things to women ho stand up and say no I am not a victim but I am going to make sure he never does this to any one else.
2 people like this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Good Morning, thank you so much for responding. I'm sorry I am just now getting back to you. Needless to say it has been a rough weekend. I am very proud of Amanda for handling things like she did. I honestly don't know if she told the police that he touched her or not. I have asked her so many things that she may have just forgotten to tell me whether she told them that or not. But we leaving in just a few minutes to go to the courthouse and I'll make sure I remind her to tell the investigator this.
Thank you for listening to me and giving us support. I know Amanda will appreciate it. I told her I have started this discussion and of the wonderful outpouring of support that she has received and she just burst into tears and said how much she appreciates it.
I'll keep everyone posted on how things turn out today. God Bless You and take care.
SheliaLee
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
15 Jul 07
I do not know how old your daughter is but this is a good time to remind her to go to God for herself and pray. Any time she leaves to go any where, you guys need to pray God's protection over her.
God saw what happen and he is the only one that really needed to see it. He will make sure that this guy gets exactly what he deserves. You just leave it in the Lords hands and keep going.
2 people like this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Thank you so much Rozie. You are right about Amanda needing to pray and I have talked with her about this. She is 20 years old and she is Thank the Lord a Christian. She knows that she according to the Bible is at some point going to have to forgive this man, even though he is still going to have to pay for what he has done. She tells me "Mama that is so hard" and I told her "Darling I know because I haven't come to that point yet myself."
Thank you so much for your support and if you will remember her in your prayers this morning as we go to the courthouse she will appreciate it very much and so will I.
God Bless You!
SheliaLee
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
13 Feb 08
Wow!! This is totally unreal. And to think I used to sell at our Local Swap Meet aka Flea Market before they had to close in the early 2000s. What shocks me, is how can they said they do not have enough proof? Is the other people who may have also seen something, afraid to say something to help press charges?
I hope by now, this man has been caught and has to pay his time in jail for this. This man definately needs HELP, and this is Sick. Wishing your family the best.
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
14 Feb 08
I did not catch how old your daughter was. This behaviour on the part of the guy was so despicable and would leave a lasting impression on a young girl. I feel so sorry for her and I am so glad you are a caring and supportive mother. With your help and caring people she will overcome this bad experience and not loose faith in good men.
Yes, and I can tell you that in Canada also they cannot arrest these perps unless they are caught in the act. This is so bizzare. I don't want to bore you with my story too much but this has happened twice in a local park where I go for walks weather permitting. This guy exposed himself, made obscene gestures and eventually ran off to his car. I took down the license plate and description of the car and phoned the police. This happened twice. They told me they could not arrest this man unless he was caught in the act. Go figure.
@rusty2rusty (6751)
• Defiance, Ohio
15 Jul 07
I am so sorry your daughter had to go through. I hope it doesn't affect her ability to keep going to the flea market. I don't know why the laws have to be for the person committing the crime. In this instance I feel the law was on the mans side instead of your daughters. I think it is wrong. I do think you should listen and follow up like it was suggested. Stay on it and hopefully get that perv off the street. I am also glad something worse wasn't done to your daughter and your daughter was smart enough to keep her wits about her and do the right thing. Like my momma always says ..Praise Jesus..The lord was watching over your daughter.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
15 Jul 07
I do really understand that u are upset that they didnt arrest him and I woudl be too. I am also very glad that the justie system does not intirely count on people to tell the truth. Let me tell you why.
A few years ago my brother was at my house when 2 policemen showed up. They arrested him and said he would be charged with rape. I knew immidiately that he had not done this and after 2 weeks in jail justice was served. the truth came out because the girl finally broke and could not lie... And he was released and sued them all.
To the policemen he was already guilty, even though we all knew that this was just not true. If the girl had sticked with her story, noone knows what would have happened to my brother - he might have been put in jail for years...
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
15 Jul 07
Oh I also wanted to say that she will come through this with all the support sje seems to be getting from all around her.. Horrible experiance I bet and hopefully they do catch him in the act and put him away. He can not be a well person if he acts like this!
@happythoughts (4109)
• United States
22 Feb 08
How sad. If she we not in a place with caring people this story could have been very differnt. Im glad that everything turned out safley for you daughter. And I am sorry she had to go through this.
@mjsdls (1840)
• United States
15 Jul 07
This is awful, I remember someone harassing my sister when we were younger. We was in our small town just hanging around and some guy harass her, we talked to the town policemen and they said their was nothing they could do unless he was caught in the act. I never did understand this a man can do just about anything and get away with it. I will pray for your daughter and you Shelialee.
1 person likes this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Thank you hon, I appreciate it and she does too. I told her I have started this discussion and about how many responses I have received in support of her. She was so grateful and just burst into tears again. She is 20 years old but she is still my baby and it is just tearing me up. I'll be so glad for her sake when this is over. She told me a few minutes ago as she was starting to finish getting ready to leave that she feels like she is involved in a Law and Order episode, a program that she, my husband and I all watch. I told her that I can totally understand why she feels that way.
We are going to be leaving in just a few minutes. I'll keep you posted on what happens. God Bless You hon and I'll talk to you soon.
SheliaLee
@creativemuse (193)
• United States
5 Aug 07
Your daughter should talk to every woman at the flea market. They should all get tazers and when he flops his johnson the next time (and there is sure to be one)that woman should zap him with it. It is disgusting in this day and age that women are subjected to this behavior. It is a short trip from exposure to rape. Maybe the Cops should patrol the flea market.
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
15 Aug 07
I feel so sorry for your daughter and I hope that she knows that we all care about her and that she did nothing to deserve this. Tha man was a pervert and he deserves to be in jail.
If I were her, I would be at that court house on Monday morning and I would for sure press charges. He needs to know that women won't stand for being treated like this. I am sure that he may have done this before and that he is just looking for other victims.
Thank God that nothing more happened to her and God bless all of you! You are in my prayers!!!
@songbirdnaimh (1422)
• United States
27 Jan 08
That is vile....I'm so sorry your daughter had to be subjected to such behavior. Glad the guy was caught, too.
@ChibiZombie (60)
• United States
30 Jan 08
This sickens me. Why would the woman who ran the flea market not immediately call the cops if she witnessed him being inappropriate? Why did she wait until your Amanda complained? Unacceptable. I suggest that Amanda buy some pepper spray. Heaven forbid, but if there is a next time tell her to say loudly and clearly "NO. STOP. GET AWAY FROM ME!" while she's holding out the pepper spray. If he refuses to leave she should spray him in the face and run for help. Tell Amanda to take the power back into her hands. "No one has the right to make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
