Only child, Is it adviseable?

Ah yes the pressure to have another child. I too have only one child, she is 2 1/2 right now. But ever since she was about 1 1/2 people (family, friends, and strangers alike) have been telling me I need to have another child so she has someone to play & grow up with. I just laugh, because I can fall under both catergories, and in my opinion neither is better than the other. I am my mother's only child, but my father remarried and had another child. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages, but neither is "better". It is up to the parents. I say weigh your options and decide what is best for you. Do you have the resources (money & space) for another child, the time and energy for another child, and most importantly the desire to raise another child.

I have three boys and I'm very happy with the size of my family. No one can say what is best for you, you'll have to search your heart and decide. You can't allow your daughter to decide what is best though, she's only 7!! It would certainly be a big change and an adjustment for her, but I'm sure she could handle it. You can't allow your parents to decide for you either. It's between you and your husband. I have many friends who have only children. They are different, you can see it when my kids spend time with theirs. Sometimes they are less tolerant of others, and less responsive to other people's feelings and desires. But then they also tend to be more thoughtful and more able to entertain themselves. So I can't say necessarily that they behave worse or better, just different. I've also seen many spoiled only children, but I've seen others that are definitely not spoiled. It all depends upon the parents. One friend asks her daughter what she wants to eat for each meal, and will run out and get whatever she wants. Then she wonders why her child is such a picky eater and mine are not. If you decide not to have any more children, then I suggest you make the effort to be sure your child is getting plenty of chances to socialize with others. And don't let her think that the entire world revolves around her. If you can accomplish that, I think only children can grow up well-rounded too.

What is best for one person may be entirely different than what would be best for another. If you and your husband both want another baby, then go for it. Your daughter will come around after a while. She is just used to being the only one, and is probably afraid that she will lose some of your attention. This is only natural at her age. If you decide to have another baby, just make sure that you reassure your daughter that you have more than enough love to go around.

I always wanted 2 or 3 kids, but I only have 1 and unless I meet someone later and we decide to have more it's going to stay that way. Here's the reasoning behind it -- my ex and I had a long discussion about it a few years ago and agreed it was best. We live in Denver. His parents live in St. Louis and mine live in New Jersey. It was difficult enough to travel to visit them with just the three of us. As a matter of fact, I haven't seen my family in 2 1/2 years. We last saw his family about 9 months ago. His family is in driving distance (13 hours which we could do straight through). Mine require flying. It's expensive. You don't really get a discount for flying with kids. Then there's school. If we decided to send our son to private school that would be bad enough, but sending two would have been pretty expensive and probably beyond our means. All of the expenses of having kids is bad enough with 1. Adding a second is a financial burden that we decided we didn't want to tackle. Our son is quite content to be an only child. He doesn't seem lonely or anything like that. He has a great imagination and makes up games and stuff to play by himself.

No one can tell you what to do regarding having another child, so I won't. There are many factors to consider. Clearly, you are considering the daughter you already have and it seems she is against having a baby. Her feelings are quite telling and whether you have another child or not, you might want to consider why she has such a strong reaction and if there are issues that need to be addressed regardless of whether you have another child. Children are naturally focused on themselves and it is our jobs as parents to help them realize that while they are special and loved there are others in this world that are also special. It will be helpful for her as an adult to learn how to cope without being the center of attention.

You need to do what you feel comfortable with. If that means only having one child, then that's what's beat for you. You can't decide to have more children, just because it's what others think is best. What works for them may not work for you. If you do decide to yhave another, get yuor daughter some counseling so she doesn't resent the new baby. But have one because YOU want to, not because others tell you it's best. It's your family; you and your husband need to decide what's beat for your personal situation.

Only child…lonely child! But seriously, I have been fortunate to see both sides of the coin personally. I am an only child of working parents. Since childhood, I never had any friends and way back in the early 70s’ few middleclass homes in India had TV or cable connection. Before going to office, my mom used to strictly forbid me from going out and mixing with the neighbourhood. She had her own reasons of course, but I passed the most hellish time any child could have. I just used to come from school, eat something, sleep with a storybook and stand on the terrace in the evenings, waiting for mom to come back. My dad used to stay abroad, so no help from that quarter either. But I never lacked anything in life…be it food, clothing, books, toys, make-up in my teens whatever. Now for the other side…my hubby has a younger brother. My in-laws are not well off (never were) and sharing everything since early childhood, has made my husband bitter towards his sibling. Especially in financially weak families, the elder sibling is expected to sacrifice a lot for the younger brothers and sisters. Even his higher education was compromised, because his younger brother still had to finish school. Now I have 1 child. I would have loved to have another, but financially we can’t afford it and I don’t want to bring up my children like my husband was brought up. So if you can financially afford it, have another child, otherwise not. Sharing is good, but after a certain point, it becomes a serious cause of grievance between siblings!

I had a 6 year old daughter at the time when I fell pregnant again, It was a total surprise to say the least...being an only child I did feel sorry for her, but thats all I was going to have...It has been a wonderful experience an she has been involved with everything about the baby even choosing names..She has changed a lot in personality for the better and is very very helpful, she has turned into a right little mummy...lol. Thinking back I think that its the best thing that has happened, It has brang us all closer , not that we wernt, but the feeling is unreal...

At this point, your daughter is old enough that she is used to being the only child. You now have her to think of. You need to talk to her about how she would feel if you had another baby. My mother got pregnant when I was 5 years old and I was practically traumatized. I was terrified that no one would ever pay any attention to me and I was going to be locked away the baby would get all the attention all the time. I felt betrayed and discarded. And my father, being the sh*tty parent he is, actually made all those horrible fears come true and I've really never been the same since. If you do decide to have another, you need to make sure both you and your husband pay extra attention to her to make sure she doesn't feel rejected, especially once the baby is born. And when people stop to coo of the baby, make sure to praise your daughter to them as well so that she feel special and included. That was one of the things that was the hardest on me when I was little.

Oh i remember when we were just a kid and my mom got pregnant with my youngest sister my two younger siblings were against it. They said to give the baby away after mom give birth. But when she came out and mom was jokingly saying she found a couple who would take the baby, my two siblings who didn't want another baby were crying because they do not want to give the baby away. In time, your daughter's view will change. She is already old enough to understand. I believe she had enough time being the sole bearer of your attention. You just got to let her understand and of course made sure that she will not be deprived of attention once the baby comes. Besides, in the future, it is not very pleasant to be alone. You are still young and reproductively capable still of bearing another child. It is indeed better if your daughter will have a brother or a sister.

hi tbatenga, life is beautiful.enjoy the happiness of bringing up a child.since you are just 27 and you r husband is also intrested.you should go for another child.i personally feel a child brings peace and happiness in to a family so why to stop it!! arun www.earnsimple.blogspot.com

It's neither better or worse to have only one child. It just depends on what YOU want. Keep in mind, you don't really have to have one anytime soon if you don't want to. You're still young and with medical advances in fertility, you could realistically have a kid in 20-30 years if you wanted to, lol. Not advising that long though; you may as well wait for grandkids by then. If you really want another baby, try for one. Your daughter is only 7 and doesn't know that she wouldn't enjoy having a little brother or sister to boss around and protect. I have 9 brothers and sisters and I love it. I don't know that I would have that many kids, but in ten years or so, why not? Just do what is right for you and your family. Only you can say what that is. Blessed Be

It is better to have more than one child. It is quite lonely for a child be grow up alone without any brothers or sisters. No friend can replace the bond of a blood relative. of course, at first, your child will not be used to the idea of having a brother or sister but once it is already there, your child will learn to appreciate it.

I believe an only child is lonely and they can also become selfish and self centred but, having said that, I also think, for the parents it is so much easier. No sibling rivalry to deal with, more oportunities for the only child. From what you say, your daughter has also realised that as an only child she has it made, no sharing of toys or parents time and affection. The only person who can decide this is yourself. Do you want another child or are you having one for your husband or your daughter? You must answer these questions for yourself.

Myself and most of my friends are only children, I think we're great,lol.

I guess that's up to everyone to decide if they want one or more childre. Personally I only want one :-)

I only have one child, and I don't plan to have any more, mainly for health reasons. He's only one year old right now, but I already have thought about how being an only child will affect him in the future. I think as long as your child has a lot of social contact with other children, it's not an issue. The thing most only children complain about is being lonely, and I think that's easy enough to get around if you have friends or relatives that also have kids. My best friend's sons are already crazy about my son, so I don't think I'm going to have to worry about him being lonely as he grows up.

I guess i'm curious to see if your current husband is your daughter's father? If not, then by not having more, you're disallowing him to become a father - biologically :) I think your daughter might just be concerned about not being the centre of attention & you could find that no matter how much she says 'no' to having a brother or sister, she'll be super happy as soon as she meets the new arrival. If you only want 1 child then that's fine but i, personally, think i'd like 2 just so they have each other should anything happen, they wouldn't just be left on their own. I also found that i enjoyed having others to play with when i was younger. A few single children i have spoken to (older now of course) have said they wish their parents had had more kids coz growing up it was lonely. Only you can decide how many kids to have but i think you also need to take your husband's wants in to consideration as well - if your daughter isn't his then you're telling him he cant be a parent but if she is his, then he'd obviously just like another child, maybe a son :) You really need to sit down with your hubby & chat it out with him coz he kind of deserves a say i think :) Good luck, i cant imagine being in that situation :)

Iam an only child. Its very hard to be the only child. I envy friends who have sisters or brothers they can share their stories , laughter and sorrows

Obviously it is avery personal decison and you will know in your heart of hearts what is best for you and your family. I am not a parent ( yet ) but from the point of view as a sibling I love having sisters. I have an older sister of 29 who I grew up with and two younge sister of 6 and 14. I am 25 so there is quite an age gap. My older sister and I have discussed before about having just one child and agreed that we could not do it, I don't know how we would have got through many things in lfe without each other - although there was a time we fought like cat and dog we were always there to protect each other depsite what was happening in our parents lives. With my younger sisters I was probably a bit like your daughter and went mad when I found out my dad was having more children, I could not stand the thought of it, but now we are closer than ever and I love them very dearly, I would not be without any of my sisters and we have a very special bond. My 14 year old sister was also not happy when the younger one was coming along she was 8 at the time and not used to having other children around as me and my older sister never lived with her and we were more like " cool older sisters " that spoiled her. However when George arrived she adapted very quickly, mainly because she was involved. She helped to chose her name and how to decorate th nursery and was very much kept a part of things. I am sure that if you decide you want another child your daughter will come round if she is kept involved and before you know it she will love the idea.