Can you really wait too long to have a second baby?

United States
August 17, 2007 2:02pm CST
I'm not thinking about having a baby anytime soon. Financially speaking, it would be a disaster for us right now. With the first baby we went into big debt, just trying to afford all the things babies need to survive and be healthy. As is, I just don't think we could afford it! And, the timing is lousy too. But, at the same time a scary thought occurs to me. Is it possible to wait too long to have a second baby? I suppose from a physical point of view, my biological clock could just run out of time. And, then it would be impossible. But let's pretend for a minute that's not even an issue. Are there other factors that could pop up if we wait too long to have a second baby? For instance, will our finances be any better five or ten years from now? What if my spouse passes away before we are ready and it never happens? Then our daughter would never have a sibling. This has happened to other couples. They just keep planning and planning and then life steps in the way. And, how about sibling rivalry? Would there be more sibling rivalry with a much older child and baby than if they were the same age, or less? These are some of the questions that I have been thinking about these past few days. Needless to say it's been an intense 48 hours. When it comes to family planning, deciding when to have a baby is one of the most important decisions a couple can make. How do you know when it's the right time to have a second baby? Is it really possible to wait too long to have another child? What type of issues would a couple face if they waited too long to add a second baby to their family? What's your view on this?
2 people like this
9 responses
taylorblue
@taylorblue (1286)
• Canada
18 Aug 07
I think it is possible to wait to long. I think the longest would be 10 years apart. My kids are 6 years apart and that was because of life circumstances. I really wanted to have them two years apart. But if it really can't be helped it isn't anyones fault. My mom had my brother when I was 15...I was jealous and hateful of my mom and step dad because he got all the attention. I don't hate my brother of course. He called me mom before my mom...I practically raised him until I moved out! And I also became the built in babysitter...so when I finally started dating I had to find a new babysitter for my mom. I wondered how that could be my responsibility because he wasn't my son. So yes I think that it matters....
drmusic
@drmusic (172)
• Mexico
18 Aug 07
wll i can tell you some point in the point of vie, i have 3 brohters i iam the first son of my parents, my other brohter is 3 years younger thant me, i must siad all my childhood i play with him, and enjoy becuse the age separation is short, biut i have other brtohtert that is 15 years younger that me and i must said i am at the point of hating hime becuse he is so noisy, think he is the center of the universe and all that so i recommend dont wait too much if you think of the relationship your babyes will have
cikedo
@cikedo (3483)
• United States
18 Aug 07
There is a nine year separation between me and my younger brother. While many people consider that to be a big gap, it has also been a blessing. My family has gone through some tough times and I don't believe we would have made it if both me and my brother were little and close together in age. It is a real bonus to have an older child that has a sense of responsibility and can help out with younger siblings. Don't think too much about the age gaps between children. In the end life has a way of working itself out.
Celanith
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Having children is a serious and life time commitment. Some people here answered some very good answers. But a LOT of things people think they need for a baby really is NOT necessary. They do need a good car seat. They need clothing and food, Beyond that the rest is not all that necessary. Sure material things are nice, a convience etc. But we all have WAY too much as it is. Perhaps a bed and dresser for the child is needed. But much of what people think they need really is a want not a real need. You afford what you choose to afford. What is important to you, kids, money, career, fashion, new car, new furniture. You can put things off and it can become too late. For many reasons. If you want another child have one stop worrying about how much it is going to cost. Babies and children need LOVE and time with parents that love them more than THINGS. You can plan and save and get every thing ready and even say OKAY we are financially set, we have everything ready. Finally your expecting in your seventh month and WHAM! Hubby has a heart attack. No he doesn't die, He recovers but there goes all your savings and your in debt are you going to throw away your child now because SUDDENLY you no longer can afford it? It is about choices. Yours and your husbands. If you really want another child NOTHING will stop that. If not then don't
maddysmommy
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
18 Aug 07
My son is already 5 years of age and we have been trying for the last 2 years for another and we have not been blessed as yet. Even though we are not financially well off, I know in my heart I am ready for another one, and I also think my son needs a playmate. My husband and I have been talking about this for quite sometime now and we were able to manage quite well when we had our son. I am not getting any younger (I'm 36 and my husband is 38) and my biological clock is ticking away fast here LOL and because things are going quite well for us at the moment, I think we will be fine financially if we were to have a baby within the next year. It's never easy when planning for a family, but I think it all comes down to whether it is right for the both of us and how it will affect our son. He always talks about wanting a brother or sister. Being an only child can get quite lonely so now that he will be starting school in a few weeks, now would be a great time to get pregnant. If not, then that is ok too :)
vinzen
@vinzen (1020)
• India
18 Aug 07
Hi, i would suggest to go ahead and have your second one. Looking to the brighter side, there are people who arent even half as well off as you, they too have kids and bring them up. God above is there to take care. Dont think so much and plan , as time just passes you by, in planning and thinking that you should, which happens too late. And if the thought about your second childs crossed your mind then dont wait, as i feel that too much of a gap between the kids not right too, as then they are less of friends and more like seniors and the relationshiop isnt that close bonded. Speaking of finances, we all do manage to make do, dont we. Even if we have a little less, we manage, we share and cope witht hings. And its a known fact that when the situation comes forth any of us, we all do manage to deal with it, so will this be taken care of. We never know about the future too, as there are never any suretys in life either. So dont worry, be happy and live life like today was your last day, so live it to the fullest and go ahead. :)
Calais
@Calais (10893)
• Australia
17 Aug 07
Everyone is different along with their different situations in life..There is 7 years between my first and second, and nothing was an issue because it was a total surprise...And money wise and buying stuff was easy too, because you learn from the first just how much rubbish and over priced stuff that you just dont need.. There is no sibling rivalry between mine, my first loves getting involved and helping out, so thats handy..lol. And from what people say, if you save to have a baby you will never be able to afford one, and you just make the best of what you can..
princessmom1011
@princessmom1011 (719)
• United States
17 Aug 07
Personally for me my first and second child are 4 yrs apart and my second child and soon to be third child are as well 4 yrs apart and that seemed perfect , my oldest was out of diapers and some what independent and was old enough to enjoy his sister. i think for everyone the perfect situation is different but i will say one thing that should make sense in every situation no matter how many kids you have you are never going to be finacially set every year each childs needs finacially grow so if money is what is holding you back i would either decide lets just do it cause ill never be ready so might as well learn to adjust now than later or id say lets stop here because the thought of knowing youd never be ready is enough. either way i wish you the best of luck!!
ranitam22
@ranitam22 (1146)
• United States
17 Aug 07
I am 27 right now and I don't have any kids. I was just having a similar discussion about this not too long ago. I know if I do have a child, I wanted at least two, but I am in no way like you said financially stable to have a child at this time. I am in a committed relationship so that's not the issue, but like you said will my finances be better or worse in a few years from now. I ask myself that same question. As far as waiting too long to have another one, it all depends because my aunt had her first child when she was 18. Believe it or not she didn't have her second child until she was 36. Her kids are 18 years apart and her youngest is an uncle at age I believe 3 and his nephew and him are not even a year apart. They'll probably be more like brothers than uncle-nephew. I mean it really hasn't had any damaging effects on anything, them being born so far apart, but it does take away from that special brother bond they could've had had they been closer in age because they are not growing up in the household together. I think it would be less sibling rivalry if they were further apart in age because they wouldn't be fighting over the same things like most siblings do. They would have two different interests. And I think the older sibling would want to help the younger one anyway. that's just my opinion. I hope it helps. I know I'm still not sure if I am ready to have a child but I really don't want it to get too late for me either.