Can you be alone...but not lonely?
@Perspectives (7131)
Canada
September 8, 2007 12:58am CST
I have noticed many posts where people say they are alone, lonely, bored, dissatisfied and always look outside themselves to feel 'full or satisfied.' I grew up without siblings...and now that I look back it gave me a chance to enjoy my own company..and yes, be alone but not lonely. Not having brothers and sisters gave me a lot of time to think...and maybe that is where my 'thinker' developed the way it has. With that approach growing up I can honestly say I rarely feel lonely...even during the times I spend alone.
My world view, spiritual beliefs and the focus of my writing, life coaching and seminars is built on the idea that anytime any of us think something outside of ourselves is the source of the problem...we will look outside of ourselves for the answer. To me loneliness is like that...it is an inner ache that cannot ever be totally appeased by outside activities alone. To me the inner landscape we all live in can be a rich and rewarding place to be...with or without anyone else being around if we are willing to explore it.
How many times have we heard people say that they are 'lonely in a crowd?' So where I am going with this is where does loneliness come from? Is it an outer or inner experience...and what makes it dissipate and why? Do you think other people can ever fill us up if we feel empty on the inside? If they can do you think they ever have the ability to keep loneliness at bay..if we do not find a way to feel whole and complete within ourselves first? Once again I look forward to hearing from all of you. I have missed sharing ideas with you. Now the crisis of our friends passing is waning...we can go back to appreciate our lives...and the bonds we share here and in our regular lives.
9 people like this
22 responses
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
8 Sep 07
I was born "a loner" and I love being alone. So does my mother. So I must have got it from her.
I am never lonely. I simply don't think about it. After spending a couple of hours talking to someone... I cannot wait to get home. I have simply not found anyone interesting enough to hang around them. I can talk about anything... and want to talk about anything... but most people just want to talk about themselve... or don't want to talk at all.
I actually know some people of high intellect that I can relate to... but those are snobs and won't be friend with me because I am not of their social status. It is a sad world.
So I come on myLot where I can talk about anything. (laugh)
I have to say that the Internet has played a big part in my life in the last ten years... and if it was taken away from me... I might feel lonely.
It has happened that after having spent a few days with someone I really did like... coming home to an empty home was a bit of a shock. This is not a good thing. Luckily... those were rare occasions.
The thing I love about being alone is that I am free as a bird. I can do anything I like anytime I want to... and nobody is there to nag me about it. I never feel lonely because I don't have the time to feel lonely. If there was 48 hours in the day... I still would not run out of things to do.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
8 Sep 07
I can really appreciate where you are coming from. When we were living our bush country experiences in the wilds of Southwestern Ontario...we were so immersed in our outdoor experiences that neither my hubby nor I felt lonely either. We are like you, very self-sufficient and enjoy our own company...and each others. So even though we moved 2 hours away from all our friends and the home town where we were born...we are great in our little rural community of 1,000 people. When we do go back to Winnipeg the 700,000 plus population, the noise, the endless 'hum', traffic, crowds, rude..road-raging people...all remind us of what we left.
I can appreciate why many that you describe would be a turn off for you. You have a great mind and express your ideas well. I am sure many do not like the fact that you suggest viewpoints to them...that force them to think or re-frame their beliefs and they probably resist you like crazy! I got a chuckle out of your comment that many people only want to talk about themselves...wow..that is a good one...and frequently very true!
My hubby and I run into people who do not want to hear what we have to say either when we lead groups. We watch for that glazed over look...a sure sign you've either lost them...or their deliberately tuning us out. Oh well..they have a right to choose. Fortunately, we do have a small circle of really intelligent friends we are willing to explore things from many different angles. We are a motley crew...with very divergent belief systems...but it works because we truly respect each other and make no attempt to correct or coerce each other to think they way we do.
That is why I like chatting with you...we can say most anything...and still come back to chat again with alienating each other because we see some things differently. Our circle of friends includes those with a metaphysical framework..atheists, agnostics, a meteorologist with a background in physics..a pragmatic lawyer with Marxist leanings and his wife, a couple of genuine vegetarian tree huggers, and a few Orthodox religious types. So needless to say we have some VERY interesting discussions...and we're all over the map. But we always come away with immense appreciation for the fact that we are able to honor who we are...what we share..and know we do not have to see things the same way in order to get along.
I guess it fits with the quote.."There is no BEST in the world of individuals." That is how I like to look at people...who truly are individuals and willing to walk their talk...like you my friend!
We also like the lack of structure in our lifestyle too. Without kids or grandkids..we are also 'free as a bird.' Those of us who have interesting things to do...work we like...and a way of communicating ideas rarely feel alone...or lonely...and aren't we fortunate to feel that way! Many do not..and we see that in the work we do.
Great input again...always enjoyable!
1 person likes this
@sophylline (1041)
• Philippines
9 Sep 07
Many times I am alone but most often I do not feel lonely. It is with great pleasure that I find being alone. I can relax, feel my good energies within me. I do enjoy my own company. That is probably why I only have few very good friends. I seek those people who are genuinely have good intentions. It is sad when you are surrounded with people who will inevitably put you down. It is better to be alone and be happy knowing that you have this inner joy rather than have to put up with some people who are selfish and always dissatisfied with life. You can always find the good life, the opportunities within yourself. You just have to awaken it. Actually, it is when I am alone that I find meaning in my life. It is when at the end of the day, by myself that I reflect and learn. Don't get me wrong, I do feel lonely at times. I want to seek out people, beautiful people inside out. You are comfortable with yourself and what you have but I think sharing with people and thus gaining more. That is where we get the beauty of life I guess.
2 people like this
@sophylline (1041)
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
Thank you as well raia. You clearly understand, and I'm glad that someone like you greatly enhance a person's quality of life..whether on line or off.
Hugs and blessings to you my friend.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
11 Sep 07
What a beautiful thing for you to say. Just to let you know...the feeling is mutual. As I connect with you...and a few others that I feel such a soul-based connection with I thought how wonderful it would be to win a hug lottery and fly everybody to a central location somewhere on this wonderful earth and eat great food and get to know each other face to face. What a heart-warmer that would be!
Oh well..one never knows. I truly believe everything always works together for the greatest good beyond all outer appearances. Maybe if we turn up the volume on our energetic/spiritual connections anything could happen. Imagine if it could.....
Warm and loving regards my friend
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
Thank you once again sophylline for putting your thoughts in what has a poetic feel to it. Your sense of enjoyment within the quietude come through very clearly. I can appreciate that because solitude and time for reflection is how I re-charge my batteries and regain...of there's that word again...but yes perspective!
Your idea of choosing quality time with authentic people is a gift...but if they are not available I would rather spend time alone than around those with different values or world views.
Being with like minded others...on-line or off does enhance the quality of life..and so it is with friends like you.
Warm and loving regards,
Raia
2 people like this
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
8 Sep 07
Oh absolutely - I am totally the same as you! I was an only child too, and although I love my partner and my friends, I enjoy being on my own so much, that sometimes I can get quite stressed and depressed if I don't have "me" time on my own! I love peace, quiet, and solitude, and I hate having loads of people around me! The kind of family groups and noise and loads of children around, that some people need to feel fulfilled, actually have the opposite effect on me. Haning too many people around irritates me - I need to get out and be on my own or I want to scream - LOL! I love to be alone, either reading, or watching a video, playing on the Internet, or just pottering in my garden, playing with my cats, or doing housewrk in my own time and at my own speed. And I never feel alone, because I have myself for company and I actually quite like myself:-))
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
9 Sep 07
Thanks so much for the link to your Blog, Raia, and I will certainly be checking it out. One of the nicest things about myLot in my opinion, is the fact that it does illustrate how people are basically the same the world over! We can live in different parts of the world, and speak different languages in some cases, but basic human emotions remain the same the world over, and I think if more people accepted that we might live in a safer, nicer world.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
I will look forward to any comments you may choose to post there and of course your feedback will always be welcome. We have created such a warm, nurturing environment withing the sharing circle we participate in..it truly is a blessing.
Having regular chats with friends that are willing to be open is something that doesn't come along in everyday life. So we will keep on keeping!
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
I was reading your response...and my inner voice is going...yes rosie..absolutely yes...uh huh..agree with that one too! Each line brought the same response..and I am thrilled to know you have the confidence to establish safe boundaries and live life on your own terms. Everything you posted are great examples of how we can be in the moment...and live in this world but not of it!
Now I know why we feel like soul sisters...there is a lot of similarities alright..right down to the color of our ginger cats. Wow...talk about like attracts like...good example of that here.
I don't know if you received the note that I have set up my blog. The first time I left out a hyphen and people couldn't get it. Just in case you want to check it out here is the correct address:
http://pohl-perspectives.blogspot.com
If you'd care to add comments or feedback...they would be most welcome.
So long for now...take care until we chat again.
Raia
2 people like this
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
8 Sep 07
Oh absolutely - I am totally the same as you! I was an only child too, and although I love my partner and my friends, I enjoy being on my own so much, that sometimes I can get quite stressed and depressed if I don't have "me" time on my own! I love peace, quiet, and solitude, and I hate having loads of people around me! The kind of family groups and noise and loads of children around, that some people need to feel fulfilled, actually have the opposite effect on me. Haning too many people around irritates me - I need to get out and be on my own or I want to scream - LOL! I love to be alone, either reading, or watching a video, playing on the Internet, or just pottering in my garden, playing with my cats, or doing housewrk in my own time and at my own speed. And I never feel alone, because I have myself for company and I actually quite like myself:-))
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
Hah!...another thing we have in common...I do that all too often...and make big goofs like misprinting the announcement to my blog. Oh well...us happy Mylotters get over zealous at times..ysssh!
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
8 Sep 07
I can be alone, but I don't think I feel lonely. I love to be alone while I am working without anybody disturbing me. I love to be alone while I am interacting with mylotters for the discussions back and forth. From this kind of sense, I think that the so-called 'alone' is not completely alone since my friends and I are responding to each other's discussions. "Alone" is a relative word, not absolute though.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
8 Sep 07
Good points...and that is how I feel most of the time. Being alone...but not lonely. I guess what I have learned throughout life is the only time I have felt alone and/or lonely is during the times I was overwhelmed by life and struggling to find my spiritual center. When I am grounded...I feel filled up from the inside out...and enjoy being alone...but not lonely.
So from the sound of it...we are of similar minds on this one. Thanks for your good input!
2 people like this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
9 Sep 07
Good morning. I am glad that we think alike on this topic. Thanks for your response, friend.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
Yo are welcome..I appreciate your participation and excellent overview of the topic.
2 people like this
@jcj_111776 (3216)
• Philippines
11 Sep 07
Hi Raia. When I was still a child, I thought that when you're alone, you will automatically feel the loneliness. But I have realized that this doesn't apply to everyone. Because there are people who gets comfort in being alone.
But if you will ask me, that. I'm not sure if I can bear to be alone. I've always loved having people around me. To feel that vibrancy, companionship and to just be assured that I won't have anything to fear. I get a sense of security and comfort.
So, Raia. I guess I'm one of those who will tell you that I can be alone, but I will be lonely.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
11 Sep 07
Well I appreciate your honesty..it is great to have all different views and experiences on any discussion. It would be pretty boring if we all saw things the same way. So you love to be around people...I bet they love to be around you too! That is the way it often works. So whether alone, or lonely..take good care of yourself. You seem to do a really good job of that for others!
Cheers!
2 people like this
@jcj_111776 (3216)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
I do hope so. Well, I still haven't experienced being told that I'm bad company.LOL
But my father did say to me that he had observed that I'm a happy person. That he had always seen me always having a reason to smile or laugh.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I once wrote a song titles "Alone in a croud"
and sent it to NAshville the song did come out with some word changes but not much but I didnt get the credit for it. Oh well that was then.
I cant for the life of me find how any one can be bored.
There is so much out there to see. or do . Even set out side and just watch clouds or the moon I dont think I have ever been bored .
Some times lonely now but then I have my memories so I am not all that lonely I picture him setting there beside me or I look at his picture and he is with me. and I have family all around that try to keep me busy so I dont think lol that dont work for my mind goes to wondering .
And any one that comes to mylot cant be bored or lonely with al the friends and suport a person has on here .
HUgs and blessings to all
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
9 Sep 07
well when I sent it was back in late 50s and it was my only copy.
Then when I heard it I told my hubby that I had wrote it almost exactly that way.
Not sure if that was they name they used But it went something like : I feell alone even in a couwded room and then look across that room and see........ thats all I remember . HUgs and blessing
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
How interesting...I'd love to hear it or read your lyrics if you'd care to let me know how. It is unfortunate that you didn't receive credit for it...maybe you will write again. Have you thought about beginning to journal your feelings and experience through your current healing journey? It could assist you in working through your feelings and perceptions...and perhaps be useful to others who go through similar challenges.
Yes, I totally agree with you about not feeling lonely or isolated within this wonderful community...especially with friends like you! Your care and support to others always comes through...and that is why you have so much of that coming back to you now.
Continued love and light filled blessings to you too!
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
8 Sep 07
Honestly I think it is an inner problem that only the person that is feeling it, can change. I feel like that at times being in a crowd and still feeling lonely. It's when I feel no one understands me, I am odd and I don't fit. However on my up-days I don't feel that because really I don't care if am I odd and I do not fit, LOL. Does that make sense? I hate to use this word, but it's the person's perspective if they are lonely and no one can change that for them, only they can by changing their outlook on the situation(s).
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
Yes I agree with you totally that it is an inner dynamic...and only we can change it. Being odd...oh boy can I relate to that one. I just posted that in a previous response. Just a couple of days ago a work associate said; "You and your hubby are really odd...I mean it as a compliment...but you are so open..and willing sto stand up for what you believe in any forum...that is odd you know." Yes, I know it is...but like you sunshine...with our past history..we are doing our best to live an authentic life on our own terms...so if that makes us odd...so be it!
I love to hang out with quirky, unique people...because there is no best in the world of individuals. Who wants to be a sheep...and follow along familiar terrain? Sounds like not you...or me! So keep on trucking dear friend...and wishing you always...happy landings!
1 person likes this
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I can easily be alone but not lonely. As a matter of fact, I enjoy the solitude. I like being quiet, and I don't like a bunch of people around me always making noise. I think that loneliness is a state of mind. If you keep an upbeat attitude, and busy yourself with your own things, then you won't have time to be lonely. It all depends on how you look at things.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
You have said it all in your last comment that...it all depends how you look at things...and yes loneliness is a matter of one's inner perception about who they are, where they are, what gives life meaning and purpose...and who is there to share their experiences.
Thanks for stopping by again.
1 person likes this
@Johnny434 (31)
• Australia
9 Sep 07
Very interesting!
I am a loner by choice. I am not "lonely" by any means, because I make friends very easily. It is my nature to talk to people, even strangers, and hopefully bring a smile to their faces. I decided to become a loner when i was a teenager because I felt I was losing my individuality by going along with the crowd. The majority ruled where and what we did.
I decided that I would break away from those conditions and do my own thing.
I like being completely alone at times. Often, when I have a problem that is bothersome, I will jump into my car and just drive. I deliberately take routes that I have never travelled before to see where I will end up. I seek out places that are quiet and peaceful. This helps me to sort out my mind and usually when I return home the next day or two, I have found a solution to my problem.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
Greetings...and welcome to Mylot. From the tone of your post I am sure you will have much to add to any topic you respond to.
Your views are great ways of illustrating the theme of the discussion. You are so right when you state that being a loner does not lead to loneliness. Driving down back roads or less traveled areas is something I have done on my own at different times of life...and like you the quietude and lack of distraction can be a great way of sorting things out and finding inner solutions to outer problems.
This is a very telling post..and I appreciate your participation here.
1 person likes this
@spiderlizard22 (3444)
• United States
9 Sep 07
It is possible to be alone and not lonely.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
Yes...there are many here who absolutely agree with you!
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
Hmmm...OK...good...I have no idea what you mean...or how to respond..so I won't even try.
Cheers!
1 person likes this
@alamode (3071)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I don't get lonely, and I do enjoy my own company and the quiet time to work on my projects... but I DO miss people I don't see often enough, or activities I'd like to participate in and can't for varied reasons.
People around me have enough to do without having to make my life complete... when I miss them, I deal with it with a quick phone message or email, they respond when they can, and its always funny and good.
The rest is physical limitation, and that is getting better with time... I won't do my 3-mile walks anymore, but I CAN walk again! Small victories are still victories, and large victories are everything! That sort of feeling fills me up and gives me things to think about when I'm alone... maybe finding that satisfaction within myself has been the key.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
8 Sep 07
Your views run along the same lines as mine. There are times when I feel housebound and need to connect with friends..or go for a walk and connect with nature..whatever..so yes I know what you mean there.
We moved away from the town where my hubby and I grew up in 1995 and for awhile it was hard because our closet friends lived nearly two hours away. We have worked with that and make a point of staying in touch by phone and going back every month to visit and catch up...by doing over nighters with them. So we maintain our connection and get our 'fix.' That keeps us from missing them too much.
Good to know you can walk again...that sounds like a pretty BIG VICTORY to me..great to hear. I so agree with you that during the odd times I feel lonely I know it is time to meditate a little more...and contemplate the countless ways I know that I am connected to Something larger than myself. That does it for me every time.
Great perspectives again alamode...thanks for adding them.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
11 Sep 07
What an interesting observation you have come up with...about you and your Dad. There are so many facets to human life..the biology..but also the genetic predispositions and the energy of ancestral/energetic ties that are often beyond our cognitive understanding.
There are some books out about the birth order and the various characteristics of each.
Great addition to this subject...I appreciate our chats so much!
1 person likes this
@alamode (3071)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I've just been reading through the discussion, and the 'only child' aspect interests me... I am the third-born of six children, and my Pop was the third of nine children. We were identical to each other in that we were studious by nature, good with our hands, quiet and even-tempered but happy in a crowd as well... it seems like many people are going either one way or another on this... surely there can be some middle ground!
1 person likes this
@gorgzlady1904 (84)
• Philippines
9 Sep 07
Of course!! You can be happy just being with yourself! You gotta practice not to feel lonely even if you're alone because that's a sign of independency. However, when you feel empty inside, you gotta do something about it like start a new hobby, try to find what you really want in life by searching and trying alot of things. One time or another, it's in front of you. Just keep on searching.
On the other hand, people can fill out your emptiness but won't last a lifetime. What if that person's just walked out of your life without any warning? Obviously, you'll be back in becoming empty again. It's better to find yourself first and what makes you happy. Try doing introspection, try to keep a journal, who knows, by writing what you feel, your wants, your dreams, you'll just accidentally discover what you're really looking for. I don't believe that money's everything. For me, it's a need and could provide temporary satisfaction. I suggest to remember this, happiness is just a state of mind. No one can provide it for you but just you.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
Greetings...and welcome to Mylot. You certainly seem to have a real handle on this subject..and I really enjoyed reading your views on the topic.
There is no argument to anything you have said here...and I agree that so much of what think can be changed through a solid plan of action and a willingness to make our passions happen.
The idea of journaling is a wonderful way to discover what might be missing and reveal new ways to fill what feels like a void with a change of heart...and a change of attitude.
Thanks for your great input...hope you'll come back again.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
Sorry...I am a little unclear about your viewpoint. If you read over many of the responses...most within this discussion forum have personal experiences that you can definitely be alone...but not lonely. Loneliness comes from an inner space that does not feel connected to others...to themselves...to Source...and many other things as well.
Those of us who are inwardly connected to our spiritual essences...and others do not have to be around people to feel fulfilled...and with a sense of belonging.
If you'd care to elaborate on your statement here..I'd be interested in chatting more and understanding how you arrived at the above belief.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
11 Sep 07
When I am "alone" it's usually because I want some time to myself. My husband and I got married last week. Though we spend most of our time together, we still make time to do our own things. For us that is extremely important.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
12 Sep 07
Well congratulations to both of you and I wish you a lifetime of beautiful times and special memories. My hubby and I have been together 17 and married 16 in July. I love married life...but I agree with you that it is important to have some spaces in the togetherness. He is my life and business partner and we have two separate offices in our big house...so we don't distract each other. When I write I like to be able to focus and working upstairs gives me that. But similar to you and your hubby we do spend most of our time together too. Aren't we fortunate to have found a dynamic like that! Many do not.
Anyway, all the best..we'll touch in again.
I don't know whether you say the blog posting. The first time I left out a hyphen and no one could find it. I posted a second one...but the two are not synced up so I am sure some haven't seen the correction. Oh...well...late nights it will do it every time!LOL
Anyway if you want to check it out your comments and feedback would be most welcome. The address is:http://pohl-perspectives.blogspot.com
Best regards,
Raia
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
8 Sep 07
I have just went through your writing to get your point of view: I can understand that honestly because I have also never felt loneliness while I was alone or right now also if I am alone i cant feel loneliness!
My situation was different: I was elder and three younger were there (and most of the time cousins of the same age group were also with us), for whom I was elder! But I clearly remember that I was really enjoying things, which were connected with caring and helping them! And well they all showed and expressed their love to me also! Till the date their love for me and mine for them has passed through so many odd things, but it has grown and grown...
I have learned that this happening has taught me (all of us) indirectly love and so loneliness was never come to me, never poured an inch of emptiness in to my within!
Yes I like to be alone but at the same time I have never avoid any one's presence or never felt any one as a hurdle to my becoming alone!
Well, besides all that some thing was within me and it was really getting things done when needed: It means when the need of being alone was there it was really there to give me myself and thinking as well as learning from within and outer world too!
That’s the mice part of life!
1 person likes this
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
8 Sep 07
That's the nice part of the life!
(The spelling mistake of the last sentence - MICE rather than NICE - was destroying the meaning of the writing so here putting that sentence again.)
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
9 Sep 07
Hi again healwell.
As always I appreciate your insightful comments and expansive 'perspectives.' I completely understand where you are coming from..because it rarely, if ever that I feel lonely. The odd time I have it is a call from my spirit to slow down...breath..and center. Once I am grounded and feeling more inwardly focused rather than outwardly directed everything feels right again in my corner of the world.
With your years of training in yoga and Reiki I can fully grasp why you would not feel alone or lonely in solitude...or in a crowd. From all the posts so far we all recognize that much of these feelings come from something within ourselves and our responses to others.Your views and spiritual sharings always enhance every discussion and I am grateful to be on-line friends.
Just for your information I have set up my Blog under the name of my writing company. If you are interested in checking it out...or adding comments or feedback they would be as welcome there...as they are here.
My blog is located at:
http://pohl-perspectives.blogspot.com
Thanks for you on-going interest and participation!
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
27 Sep 07
Yes. ofcourse. And we should not be affraid of this lonely feeling.
I think that a person is alone most of his life, and that means that he has to deal with himself or herself from time to time, and not be affraid from that feeling, it is natural.
I know that i always had good friends, a partner and alote of activities to do, but there were always times that i felt alone, even when being with other loved people.
I am alone but not feeling lonely.
I like being alone with myself from time to time, and those days i even enjoy it, because i got to a stage where i accept myself more and more. :)
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
1 Oct 07
Your approach to handling yourself and your alone times sound healthy and balanced. Maybe I think that ways because it also reflects the interplay I have between my appreciation for solitude and interactions with others.
Like you, I enjoy my own companies and have a variety of fulfilling activities that never make me feel lonely while alone. I also like the peace that comes when the house is quiet...or when I go out in nature alone and fell the largeness of All That Is and my part within it.
So thanks for you comments..was a little slow in getting back to them..but I value you them for sure.
Warm regards my friend,
Raia
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
12 Sep 07
Funny, but one of the reasons that I am just now getting to this discussion is because I needed a few days of "alone time"! I need "inner-communion" throughout the day where mine is the only voice that I hear, especially in times of turmoil. I don't even want the noise of another body in the same room with me. My children are all 3 this way and so is my granddaughter. She's only 3 and she will go into her room to read or to watch "Dora the Explorer" or just to color and she will insist on being left alone! I am the oldest of my mother's 4 but we all shared a home with a gaggle of aunts and cousins. As a result, I love living with family but I must have a space, a room, a closet - somewhere where they are on one side of the door and I am on the other!:-)
On the matter of loneliness, sometimes I feel a void that I call "lonely" but its sorta like standing in front of the refrigerator, knowing you have a taste for something but you can't figure out what! There's a certain level of conversation that I crave, along with a deep and free laughter - I don't know if that's really lonliness, per se. I tend to think of lonliness as a generic void that can be filled by miscellaneous company. I think what I am craving is the sharing of the "life-joy" I know within myself. I can't share that with my mate and I don't want to be an energy "leech" on my children's lives. I guess that is why mylot is an integral part of my daily life. I get to rub brain cells with such stimulating people as yourself. I agree with you that it is an important part of the maturation of the soul to be able to relax, commune and even entertain yourself with your own company. To be satisfied within yourself with your self. I guess it's the difference between "wanting" company and "needing" it, choice versus compulsion. Like with any indulgence, when you give up the power to choose, the waters get murky. Anything outside of ourselves is an indulgence. I guess I could have just said that 15 minutes ago, hunh? lol! Well, your discussions tend to bring out the "stream-of-consciousness" in me. Hey, that's a sure sign of a lonely person - they never stop talking!
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
15 Sep 07
Greetings again my friend...
I could not help but wonder if you'd comment on this after hearing about the changes you are going through. Before commenting further on the rest of your response I had to giggle when I read you interpretation of a lonely person...they never stop talking! Hmmm...not sure I totally agree with that one...because most of those within our physical soul community are all great talkers...and when we get together we chat for hours into the night...and never stop talking until we are really, really tired. So yes, sometimes for sure...other times the endless talking comes from sharing the joy within 'the stream of consciousness' you mentioned.
Anyway I so love the way you express yourself...and I notice you never comment on my view of your wonderful writing abilities. Another reflection you may not want to 'own?'(laugh) We can chat about that another time. Anyway, the examples you have cited about the importance of alone time and how solitude creates an opportunity have inner communion. That is so very true.
Your terminology is delightful..especially the idea of sharing 'life-joy.' That is the key for me...I can spend hours alone and not feel lonely now that I feel so connected to what a call a Source-centered connection to myself and others. The energetic bonds I now have truly are the wind beneath my wings whether flying alone with my owl...or with a gaggle of others. To me the emotional intimacy that I have established here with you and others in Mylot land has been a profound reminder of that term with both like...the One Song of our humanity and spiritual Oneness.
I do hope you are finding time to create some inner communion and self-nurturing moments. We all need to keep filling up our energy reserves...especially during chaotic times. No one can run on empty for long.
So my thoughts and light filled wishes are streaming their way to you...
Warm and loving regards,
Raia
@Sharon38 (1912)
• Jamaica
12 Sep 07
I grew up wih brothers and no sisters. I do indeed have 2 older sisters with howm I am not very familiar but I am single and live with my daughter. I love my own space. I hate to feel crowded and so I love my life. I dont say I would not marry but my life is alright. I love my own company and have enjoyed this for the years gone by. Yes I do miss my family and close friends sometimes but loneliness I dont have time for. I fill my time with my child, yougn people, the choirs and now I have to settle down to good studying for exams January. Am I any different from you guys? I dont know but peace and quiet is something I treasure and when the child gets too loud she knows it is her outdoors time.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
15 Sep 07
Hi Sharon...and welcome to Perspectives. I think your response shows a really well balanced way of looking at yourself, your life and the way you are living it. The ebb and flow of your active and quiet time sounds wonderfully 'healthy.' You seem to know who you are...and what you need and more importantly how to get it! Good for you! Thanks for offering great examples of how you can be alone...but not lonely.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
21 Sep 07
Hi again..
Wanting to have a special sometime is understandable too..and hopefully it will happen for you when the time. I have been single and enjoyed that life. I've been married years 16 and really love the partnership we have. So however it works out for you I wish you all that you wish for yourself.
Best regards..
Raia
