I need advice and suggestions

@raydene (9874)
United States
September 14, 2007 9:48am CST
I have a decietful , dishonest, cheating husband that I kicked out yesterday and I need advice on how to go about making a plan of action. I am feeling lost and very tired(only slept 2 hours) and I just need you all to throw out suggestions so I can figure out what to do. Thank you
8 people like this
19 responses
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
14 Sep 07
Ok I have been through this before. First go slow. Take a few days to get into a routine. Don't worry about him, he is the one that did wrong not you. I was going to respond to your other posting but I came on this one first. You have to decide if you want marriage couselling or divorce. I think the fact he had an affair for 13 years would answer that question for me. I would contact a lawyer and start the seperation procedure. I assume he has a job. He has to pay you child support for your children under 18 and if he has any pensions in his job you are intialed to half of them. My Mom and Dad are going through a seperation after 44 years of marriage. I would not let him take anything from the house except his clothes at this point until it has been worked out with a lawyer. I don't know your finical situation but in Canada if you can't afford lawyers we have legal aid. Try to get some sleep. I hope this helps some. Good luck. How is your daughter excepting all this?
3 people like this
@meanangel (167)
• United States
14 Sep 07
1. Change your locks 2. Get a lawyer 3. Get tested for Stds 4. Find someone to hold your hand because you are going to need support. 5. He will try to get back in. Do NOT believe a word he says. Once a cheater always a cheater. 6. Keep on with life. The best way to get back at an ex is to show them you can live without them. 7. Remember you did the right thing. There are some who believe a woman should put up with everything just to keep her husband. This is NOT TRUE. You deserve respect and cheating is not a way to show it. This is not the end of everything. Stand strong, keep your head up, and know that we at myLot are always here for you.
2 people like this
• Bulgaria
15 Sep 07
absolutely correct! Meanangel gave you a plan or action! A really nice plan. And I hope that it works.
@weemam (13377)
14 Sep 07
I can't give you any advice really sweetheart accept don't let it ruin your life , you have kicked him out now dust yourself down and stat your new life from today , I know that will be really hard for you because you must be feeling so hurt and angry , I can only immagine how you are feeling , I am here for you always xxxxx
2 people like this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
16 Sep 07
I feel for you and I know this cannot be easy for you to go through. I think you did the right thing in throwing him out. If you are sure that you can't take him back, only you can answer that one, then here are a few things I suggest you do right away. 1. Open your own bank account. Put all the money in there. This way he can't clean you out. 2. Any credit cards you have in both your names cancel them or close them out. This way he can't run them up and leave them for you to deal with. 3. Get all the locks changed on the house. If you feel that he might do you harm at all then get a restraining order. If you don't think he will then I wouldn't bother with that. 4. Call an attorney and get started on the divorce. The sooner you do that the better. 5. Somewhere in between all that get some sleep and remember he is the one that made the choices he did. You are just deciding to take care of yourself now and not dealing with his problems. Hugs and stay strong hon.
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
15 Sep 07
Well for a start Sweetie you need to stay strong and calm You need to think about think about things very clearly I do know you have already had a call of him and the way I look at it is that you are being very strong about it already I will not say to you get rid or anything like that as I can not say that to you you need to know what you want but what I do say to you is stay very clear headed on this And also remember that you have a lot of People that do love you and are behind you all the way that are here for you and will support you but only you can take the actions and decisions that have to be taken here I love you Sweet never forget that xxxxx
1 person likes this
@Stiletto (4582)
14 Sep 07
I was about to respond to your other post and then saw this one at the bottom of the page so came in here. First of all I'm sorry about your news - I can imagine how hurt and angry you feel. My advice to you is don't make any major decisions because you won't be thinking straight at the moment. Leave it at least a few days before you decide what you want to do. I know this will seem like a remote possibility right now but there are couples that survive this sort of thing - I couldn't get past it when it happened to me but I know others that have. Whatever you decide is the way forward, now probably isn't the time to make that decision. Oh and another thing, keep him as far away from you as possible. Men can be very good at talking their way back in the door. Keep him at arms length until you are clear in your own mind about what you want.
1 person likes this
@academic2 (7005)
• Uganda
17 Sep 07
Call this guyback and sit down together and try in all soberness to see where you all went wrong. You married yourselves not to generate pain to your hearts-it was to love and to care for each other-you may have wronged yourselves, but i assure you there is still a chance that you are destined for each other inspite of all the ups and downs, the storms so say!
@mummymo (23707)
17 Sep 07
From what I can gather Mom you are doing a great job of making a plan of action for where you go from here! You know you are the strongest, wisest woman I know and you will do what is right! I think the fact that you do not want revenge or to inflict pain on your husband - that speaks volumes! xxx
• United States
16 Sep 07
Aren't you worth more than hin? Plan of action depends on what you have together and whether you have children...
• India
15 Sep 07
Hi raydene, I wonder how you were able to stay with him for so long. Now since you know that he is not honest and a cheater just throw him out and manage on your own. If not, you meet his other person and tell her about him so that she is going to throw him out and he will automatically come to you.
@msjigga (866)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Hi raydene! My advice to you is LOVE YOURSELF, and don't look back. You deserve better than to be with a Lying, deceitful, cheating Man. He is a loser who could not appreciate what he ALREADY had so forget him. Go get your hair done, nails done, go tanning, go shopping buy yourself an nice outfit and go out meet some new people and just love you. Forget him you are worth more than him. You deserve better. Don't let him come back ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. NEXT!!
@karthima (112)
• India
15 Sep 07
yes, i need lot of advices and suggestions . I love getting advice from experienced and aged people. its useful for us, not sure whether today but surely in any of the coming tomorows.Advice can be accepted from any type of person and for any reason. We can realise the type of opinions and views we receive from others. We might go ahead with our perception or belief which might not be right, at this point of juncture an advice from few people whoo had crossed certain circumstances will be very valuable. once we gain practice and tackling solutions, we also can advice others when people go wrong or requires it.
@jhanna (335)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
Did you caught him on act? My, what a baStrd! Well, don't let him ruin your life. Go on and file a divorce if you really can no longer forgive him or you cant' afford to give him another chance.
@Dee351972 (743)
15 Sep 07
First i think u need to calm down and try to rest. second it is good talking and having friends but you also have to decide your self. YOu dont want to do something becuase someone tell you to do it then its not the right thing for you. If he that bad I would just tell h im and either try work it out or go your seperate ways
• United States
15 Sep 07
First of all you need to step back and take a deep breath and realize that this is not your fault in any way shape or form. This is his hangup, his problem and his alone. You did nothing wrong. You have two options here, One is to try to forgive him and the other is to leave him and take him for everything he's got. If my husband of 20 years all of a sudden did that to me. Honey, I would own 1/2 of everything by noon. So I don't believe in Divorce but in your case it is justified. So go see a lawyer as soon as you can about divorce and stick it to him. Good Luck to you dear.
@GardenGerty (127116)
• United States
15 Sep 07
No wonder you are tired! I have not been in your shoes, but in general I would say, get copies of all the paper documents you have, close the bank accounts, and credit card accounts if you have any. Make sure that what you need in the way of a car or house is in your name if at all possible. For future reference, get copies of his social security card, birth certificate, and your marriage license. I do not know how old you are, but under certain circumstances you may be able to draw off of any benefits he receives from Social Security or any retirement account. Lots of hugs and prayers for you, because even when they are skunks we have a hard time letting go.
• United States
14 Sep 07
I feel for you so much hon, how horrible for you! Unfortunately you aren't going to be able to spend much time being hurt right now. You have to get practical and realistic quickly. Call a lawyer NOW! Before he can get to a lawyer and mess with all your joint assets and bank accounts, find out what you can legally liquidate immediately and turn into cash. Credit cards also if you have them before he has a chance to run them up. You can't wait on this hon, not for a minute. Money and joint assets are your #1 priority because that's where he can hurt you even more. Don't give him the chance to cut you off financially. You may want to ask your lawyer about a restraining order too so he can't come into the house. Change the locks. Oh Raydene honey, I sure wish there was a magick wand that could take it all away. Stay strong sweety, your a tough lady, use that. Take care and keep us up to date on how you're doing.
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Take a deep breath or two, maybe take a bath. Do something to help you relax. Assuming you want a divorce, contact a lawyer and see about getting that process started. If he wants his clothes/belongings, pack them up yourself and leave them in the garage or something for him to pick up. If it's possible to have a reasonable conversation with him, talk to him about child support and visitation. If he wants to spend time with the kids, get him to sign a letter stating that you have custody of the kids. Just in case he decides to get nasty. Assess your financial situation. If think you might need assistance (food stamps, etc) apply for them. It can mean the difference between eating and not eating if he decides to hold out on child support.
@ladybug565 (2217)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I just broke up with my lying cheating boyfriend last thursday. Stay strong and it will get easier. If you have any friends or family to talk to that are supportive talk to them. All my friends have been supportive. It also helps to talk about it here. Good luck and remember that you deserve to be treated better!!!