HELP! My Best Guy Friend Confessed His Love For Me...

United States
October 4, 2007 3:16pm CST
And I don't like him. Heck, he told me all of this while he was wasted (since he says he wouldn't be able to get it out) while my boyfriend was passed out (from celebrating his b-day). I have only minutely had feelings for my friend and now he tells me this. Our friendship is REALLY awkward, for me at least, since he told me it is killing him to see me with my current boyfriend. It is weird going over to his house since that place is the meeting place for ALL of our friends. When most of them leave he and my boyfriend are still hanging out and I don't want to take the car and go home. (1 because it is rude and 2 because then our friend would have to drive all the way across town to take my boyfriend home.) What should I do?! HELP!!
2 people like this
14 responses
5 Oct 07
I have also had an experiece like this! My best friend is male and has been my best mate for as long as I can remember. We lived together and everyone told me that it was obvious he thought of me as more than just a friend. I didn't believe it of course and told them all that the idiot was ridiculous. However, over the 3 year span of our relationship, I found patterns. There were times where we got drunk and kisses, and spent the night together in bed, but no more than a kiss was ever exchanged. We told each other we loved each other everyday and we truly did. There were times where it was obvious that he was more into me than at first I wanted to believe, but then there were also times that I thought thath maybe our friendship could progress further. Fortunately, we never voiced these opinions to each other, just mutual friends and that's how I found out about his little "phases" of wanting more. We both experienced these awkward feelings but thankfully, neither of us took it any further, and it's a period in our lives that would always pass. In my eyes, I was very fortunate to have the friendship I did with him, and I think, if we had have made things more than what it was, it wouldn't have lasted very long and I would have lost a great friend. I think you should tell your friend how you feel and that you don't want to jeopardise the relationship you already have. Because, not only do you have a partner at the moment, but there is always the chance that in time, taking it further, you could lose a friend as well. Put it down to drunken stupidity and just be honest, in time he will respect that!
• Romania
5 Oct 07
FIRST YOU NEED to put your self a question? Are you sure you can't love him? Sometimes is better to be to a man who respects you and already loves you than try a new relation ship and found out after you put feelings in it and get hurt that in fact you can love your friend.
• United States
5 Oct 07
MISSBERLEE: My friend and I have never done anything like what you and your friend did in that all we did was occassionally hang out a couple years back. When we graduated from High School we split apart since we were doing our own thing. (The entire time I am going out with my current boyfriend.) About a year ago we started hanging out again, but people were always around and my boyfriend was just about always there as well. I have told him that a few years back I HAD feelings for him and no longer do. I have told him I only see him as a friend and do not wish for our FRIENDSHIP to become a RELATIONSHIP and that I am VERY happy with my boyfriend and have for years. I don't know what else to do to show my friend that I just want him to stay a friend.
• United States
5 Oct 07
FONFONICA: It is not like I just got into the relationship with my boyfriend: we have been going out for two and a half years and currently live together. I'm not disregarding on person who already has feelings for me to try to have feelings to develop for the other person. That is not it at all. I have been friends with both of them for six and a half years, went out with my current boyfriend years ago to break up (I was stressed and I ended it), hung out with the one friend and many others, then started going out again with my boyfriend. The feelings coming from both guys are not new--they are quite old. And, yes, I have asked myself is I can love my friend as more than just a friend and I do not believe I can. Thanks for your questions though.
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
7 Oct 07
Tell him how you are feeling. It'll hurt him, but he's gotta hear it.
• United States
7 Oct 07
Thank you. I have a feeling that no matter how much it will sick, that is what I haev to do. :/
@sumitsonu (599)
• India
6 Oct 07
i think you shouls tell your friend clearly that you are in love with someone else and cant be his ..evn if it hurts him ..but if u just ignore he will think that you too have feelings for him and that will hurt him more ..and i hope you donot want to see your friend more hurt ..so it is better to hav things clear out ..and still if you have feelings for both of them ..and are in confusion ...just sit alone ..think of the postitives and negatives of both of them ..y you like them and y you dont ...then just close your eyes and think whom you want ...whoever comes to your mind first is the right person for you ...this is what we indians do whn we are confused...just listen to your heart
• United States
7 Oct 07
Thanks! ^_^
@m0mmy0f03 (364)
• United States
5 Oct 07
You schould tell him how you feel about what he said and how it makes youfeel now coming over to his house.Hopefull he is a true friend and not let it come between you guys.....Good luck!!!!
• United States
5 Oct 07
Thanks. I am starting to think that is my best plan of action.
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
5 Oct 07
Well that can happen. I would just tell your friend that you are flattered but you want to remain strictly friends and that you are with your boyfriend and that is not going to change. I don't think I would tell your boyfriend because it could start more problems...but if this other guy doesn't back off...you may have too. However the fact that he is friends with your boyfriend and still telling you he loves you is not good either...this is a tough one...I think it is up to you?
• United States
5 Oct 07
Thanks. I have been struggling with what to do so it is kind of hard to decide.
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
lol! thats hard, i had that one before but not same situation, anyway, is he drunk too? i think if you dont like him you have to expalian him, its a big trouble when your boyfriend knows a bout it. geee. sometimes it happened. you have to do something now to stop it.just let him feel that your not interested with him i think he will be fine. sorry for him but you have to follow your heart.
• United States
5 Oct 07
Thanks, it is just a little hard for me to do things which will upset others. I am a HUGE empath so if he gets emotional I certainly will and I do not know how that will portray my feeling to him. If I start crying will he think that I don't really mean what I say? That I am forcing myself to say something I feel is not true? (Both of which are incorrect.) It is just hard.
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
Be frank on him. Tell him what you really feel. His your friend so don't feel it like that you dump your friendship just because he confessed that he likes you. happy posting:)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Thanks. I am doing pretty good, or at least I think so, with being frank about the whole situation with my friend and my boyfriend.
• Jamaica
5 Oct 07
Well by experience its not good to mix love and friendship, someone will eventually get hurt.So my advise to you is follow your heart and choose whats best for you is it your friend that makes you happy or ist it your boyfriend. Rememmber the longer you take to do this the harder it will be for you. So just make the decision and also tell your friend how you feel and she how he reacts to it it might help your decision
• United States
5 Oct 07
I know if soemthing does develop between me and my friend it will be a "friends with benefits" situation, which I am NOT interested in AT ALL. I have told him that I am happy with and love my boyfriend, but he kept trying to tell me that my boyfriend is no good for me and such. It was really uncomfortable for me to have my friend bash my boyfriend when I made in abundantly clear that my current boyfriend is the one I love and wish to be with.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
5 Oct 07
Just be honest and clear. Tell him you don't feel that way. Its better to let him know your true feelings. This may be one sided love. Make him understand that You have a BF and you are happy with him.
• United States
5 Oct 07
I tried to get him to understand that I am happy with my BF, but he kept trying to convince me (pretty much) that I would be happier with someone else other than my current BF. He also said that it doesn't have to be him he is happy with, just someone else. I didn't appreciate him telling me that my BF is a drunken slob who can't keep a job. (My BF has ALWAYS had a job except for the five days when he got fired from one before he found another.) It was really weird for my friend to say all of that because he was telling me he wants me happy, but so oblivious to the fact he was making me unhappy by bashing my BF.
@missybal (4492)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Did you tell your boyfriend about this??? If you haven't you should because you may get count in an even more ackward situation if he tells him. I had my husband's best friend hit on me back when we were still dating. I told him it was wrong and that I didn't want to see him around anymore and he was to stay away from me unless it was with my boyfriend (husband now). I had to act a bit cold toward him for him to get the point that I was ticked off. I do have a tendency of comming off as a tease when I don't mean to. I was friends with him too, but after that I couldn't be anymore. It's gotton better since that was 3 years ago, but it's still ackward to be around him. I just act like it never happened but keep him at arms length.
• United States
5 Oct 07
Yeah, my boyfriend knows. I told him when he woke up and felt refereshed. He knows that our friend has had some feelings for me as well, but neither of us knew it was like that. When I told him he said it didn't surprise him. I am a bit of a tease/flirt as well and I don't realize it. I am NEVER around that friend by myself anyways so keeping my boyfriend with me is no biggie. Thanks, it is nice to get advice from someone who has been there.
• United States
4 Oct 07
I think you got your answer right there: he was wasted. Just chalk it up to the booze talking and pretend it didn't happen. I know its hard to forget, but don't bring it up and i bet you he won't bring it up because he won't remember. Some people get honest when they are drunk, but more often than not, they "love everybody." Or say stuff they wished they shouldn't. Why don't you initiate activities and suggest you all meet at the movies or somewhere else for a change so you are not stuck staying at this guy's house at least til it blows over in your mind.
• United States
4 Oct 07
The whole "he won't remember is anyways" thing doesn't work because there are people who remember things when they are wasted and he is one of them. Trust me, he remembers and no, he doesn't "love everybody." By the end of our "talk" he was about as sobered up as you can be after three and a half hours of discussion. Also, we would go to the movies or even other places, but we are all your stereotypical poor college kids and have no money at all. Thanks for your advice though. Do you have anymore? Any ideas of places to go that don't cost money which is fun for people from 19-22 like to do?
• Philippines
7 Jan 08
I think it would be better to tell your friend about your feelings for him. Explain to him nicely. And I think you can still continue your friendship despite of his confession. Atleast he tell it and he just want to be true to you. Atleast you know how he feels for you incase the feelings is mutual. Just be kind to him after all you have things shared together.
• Philippines
8 Oct 07
Just be honest to your bestfriend and to yourself too. I know your situation is not so easy and how awkward it is like what you have mentioned. But things like this is really inevitable especially if you become close to each other.. simply because most friendships really grow into love!
@sumitsonu (599)
• India
6 Oct 07
i think you shouls tell your friend clearly that you are in love with someone else and cant be his ..evn if it hurts him ..but if u just ignore he will think that you too have feelings for him and that will hurt him more ..and i hope you donot want to see your friend more hurt ..so it is better to hav things clear out ..and still if you have feelings for both of them ..and are in confusion ...just sit alone ..think of the postitives and negatives of both of them ..y you like them and y you dont ...then just close your eyes and think whom you want ...whoever comes to your mind first is the right person for you ...this is what we indians do whn we are confused...just listen to ypur heart