Mother In-Laws Jealous of you relationship

United States
October 18, 2007 10:22pm CST
I've been staying with my mother in law for a bit more than a year now, and in the time I've noticed that she is jealous of the relationship I have with her son. When I mentioned this to my mom she thought I was crazy but when she came to visit one day she say just how true it was. When she is around she wants all my husbands attention. I can be in the middle of a conversation with him and she'll call him from the other room to ask him to bring her a glass of water. Even when we go out she calls the entire time asking what we are doing and then ends up going to the store to buy something, like flowers or a picture and call him to come home to plant or hang it for her. I feel this is riciculous and childish especially of someone of her age. And she tries is now with my son and had the nerve to ask me to move-into a new house with her, my husband, her other son and his girlfriend. Is it me or is she a bit obsessed with her kids. Has anyone ever experienced this before?
2 people like this
3 responses
arkaf61
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
20 Oct 07
Actually as crazy as this sounds, what you are experiencing with your mother in law is actually quite common. Interesting is also the fact that mothers are usually more jealous of their sons than their daughters. THis is the reason why it seems that no matter what the daughter in law does, they always find some fault. Of course I shouldn't generalize. There are zillions of mothers in law out there that are not like that. But believe me it, many are:)
arkaf61
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
1 Nov 07
That is an idea, but it doesn't really work with my own mother in law. I did that. DId it for almost 14 years. What I got back was certainly not love placed in her mind. I can tell you that. Some people don't have much love to go around they have all the love space filled with other things. I understand some of the things my mother in law does and thinks - even though I don't agree with them - but as someone else in the family told me "She's not crazy. If she was crazy she would be hitting her head on the walls. SHe is just mean, and there's nothing we can do about it. SHe knows exactly what to do to get the whole family always fighting and all we can do is to refuse to play her game"I stopped playing her game about 7 years ago, and my life is certainly easier. I'm sorry she didn't fulfill her dreams. I"m sorry her marriage was not what she wanted. I"m sorry she has no friends - but that is her doing, really - . I'm sorry her own daughter would even disconnect the doorbell so she could have a reason to say she didn't hear mom at the door. I'm sorry she never wanted to leave Portugal to be here - I didn't either and I'm not mean to people because of it -.I"m sorry for a lot of things in her life. But I am not sorry to have disconnected myself from her 7 years ago. I"m actually surprised that I was able to do it before I became a basket case, hurting and without self esteem.
Amy
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
19 Oct 07
My mom was the same. I'd have friends over and she'd constantly ask me to come down three floors (townhouse) to pick up things she dropped or get her or her guests drinks. I couldn't go out more than one weekend in a row and if I slept over a friends house she would call to make sure I got home at about 7 am. She wanted me to stay after I was eighteen - because she 'had no one else' and since I was eighteen I went out with friends. We didn't party or anything - we just liked to take long drives at night and hang out. Even if it was a week night, I was up bright and early to go to work the next day. A group of about five of us. She told me that I was 'out of control'. Perhaps partly out of hers. I wasn't truly happy until I'd moved across the country. It was hard for her at first, but she grew more independent - and happy.
Amy
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
19 Oct 07
I hope this counts as being on topic - as she is my mom - not my mother-in-law. I don't think my mother - in - law is that way. Although there is a certain way she'd like to see her son, and all her kids live their lives. Certain career choices and such. Certain kinds of schooling for her daughter. If I am not quite on topic - talking about my mom rather than a mom-in-law - I apologize.
milkfish
@milkfish (371)
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
It really does sounds weird. My guess is that your mother-in-law is still in a stage where she is afraid to lose her son totally. Maybe your husband is her fave son. After marrying you, she thinks that her son give her less attention than before. This might be the reason why she always find a way to get your husband's attention even just for senseless matters. I suggest that you and your husband should have a separate house and don't live with your in-law. You have a life to live as married couples and she should not stand between the two you. Also, conflict may arise at the long run between you and your mother-in-law if she keeps on doing what she does. This is not a good situation since your husband will be put into an uncomfortable situation and be torn between his wife or his mother.