Have you ever been 'deeply hurt' by a close friend?

Canada
October 26, 2007 1:07pm CST
My week thus far, has been a mixture of 'the good and the bad.' While rejoicing in my 'pleasant surprises,' an incident took place between my daughter, and one of her 'dearest friends.' My daughter is sixteen, and has been in emotional pain over this, since the beginning of the week. I'm not sure if their friendship can be repaired. They've 'known' each other since they were babies. I have a 'flip type' calendar on my desk, with a daily message. Today's really hit home! It reads, "Attempt to see things from another person's point of view-put yourself in his or her shoes." Now that's 'irony!' If you've had a serious disagreement with a best friend (or family member), how has it turned out for you? Have you been able to forgive, and become close friends again? Thanks for taking the time to read this.
8 people like this
20 responses
@raychill (6529)
• United States
26 Oct 07
Yes I have been hurt by a close friend and No we were never able to go back to things being the same. That's not to say its not possible because it could be. I'm sure it could be. It's just I couldn't see the person the same way anymore and it was hard to be friends with this new version of that old person I knew. I hope things work out for you.
3 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I'm sorry, and I know that this is the case with some situations, however, sometimes it's possible to patch things up, but it takes time. My daughter and her friend are talking again, and I trust they'll work things out. Thanks for sharing.
2 people like this
@raychill (6529)
• United States
30 Oct 07
obviously I said it was possible, not impossible. I'm glad you found it possible.
3 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
In the case of my daughter, and her friend, there's a lot of misunderstanding on both sides. They're hoping to move past this, and are talking again now. I understand what you mean regarding your situation, as sometimes people just change too much, to go back to the way things were. Take Care.
2 people like this
@emisle (3823)
• Ireland
27 Oct 07
I think it depends on what the friend did. If she betrayed her confidence in a big way than I myself would it hard to trust that friend again. I think sometimes you can never get back to where you were before.
3 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
My daughter has been best friends for years, with this girl. They don't see things in the same way anymore, but I believe their friendship will survive, and am glad about this. Thanks for sharing.
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
i totally agree with you when you say that sometimes you can never get back to where you were before. i was in that situation and even though my friend and i are already in good terms and we already hang out and stuff, it's so hard to get the trust and confidence back like before.
2 people like this
• Canada
3 Nov 07
I agree too, especially where there's been a trust issue. It takes a lot of time and patience for sure, to go back to the way things were, if ever.
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
27 Oct 07
I think that this situation happen to me once - at least serious enough to warrant the "deeply hurt" part. Both of them where long time ago - one about your daughter's age. The outcome was a bit different in both cases because the problems were different as well although both serious. I am still friends with one of them, although for some time things were really complicated between us. But in the end we stayed friends. The other one.. well, we still talk but we're not close anymore.What the other one did was out of anger and impulsive, what this one did was malicious and done with a purpose and in the end it was not what happened that separated us but the realization that I didn't appreciate the kind of person she was.
• Canada
30 Oct 07
It can be hard to get over things like this. My daughter and her friend are talking now, and are hoping to work things out, which I'm happy about. There's been misunderstanding on both of their parts. It's good that you were able to work things out with one friend, and I understand the difference with the other one. It'd be hard to repair a relationship, where someone had been deliberately malicious. Thanks for sharing.
3 people like this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
31 Oct 07
Glad to know that your daughter and her friend are now talking. Some issues can be misunderstandings and those ones are easier to work:)
3 people like this
• Canada
31 Oct 07
Thanks, and I'm very glad they're talking too. Many misunderstandings can be corrected, if both parties are willing to see the other's viewpoint.
2 people like this
@suyuan (34)
• China
27 Oct 07
I have not got one like you say up to now, but I think the phenomenon would be common, because,on someone's opinion,the benefit is the first over the society
3 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
Hi suyuan, I'm glad to hear that this hasn't happened to you, and you're right, it is a common thing in our society for people to have disagreements. Thanks for sharing, and welcome to myLot.
3 people like this
@st091127 (114)
• China
27 Oct 07
Take ourselves in others' shoes is to make oursevles understand more about others. But I didn't learn it before, when I was in senior middle school, I had a best friend QING.and we moved outside to live together as the school dorm's condition was too noisy, every room must contain 8 people. She and I were in different majors, she learened Chinese, while I did maths.In school, we shared little time as our classromms were in different stories.So, it's impossible to meet each other often. aND I guessed that's the reason why we could became friends-----a suitable distance between us. but after we lived together, we had so many difference appereaing.Sometimes, we even to a bit qurrual on some useless thing. Such as the opinion of a teacher's teaching or just the clothes. Then, we became drifted from each other, even we knew we liked each other. In the third year, she moved back to school, I lived alone. and for the wasting time douring the time we lived together, our study got down.Therefore both of we came to worse universities than we were supposed to . we live in different cities now,but we begin to miss each other, and as we are older and older (20 years old) ,we learn to listen to each other. There is a universal desire to talk and to be listend to. Also thanks for taking time the time to read this. Good moring ^o^
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I like the way you put it here, "that there's a universal desire to talk and to be listened to." This is so true. I can actually relate to what you've said about your room mate, as I moved in with a good friend years ago too. We found we had many differences of opinion, and in the end, it affected our friendship. It would've been better, if we hadn't lived together. She's just contacted me again recently via e-mail, and we're getting caught-up after many years. You're welcome! Thanks for your response, and welcome to myLot.
2 people like this
@gradyslady (4054)
• United States
26 Oct 07
Yes, and because of that, we are not friends to this day. It's been 6 years, and I'm fine without her. I realized shortly after we stopped talking, I was way better off without her.
3 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I'm sorry to hear that this happened, and in 'some cases' it is best to move on, without the other person. Thanks for sharing.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Oct 07
sometimes it can't be forgiven or near to forgetting. I hope your daughter gets over this spell in her life. She is at that ripe age where it seems like forever. We as parents hurt so hard with our babies no matter what age we/they are. Good luck to both of you
3 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
Thanks, I believe she will get over this, as she and her friend are working to resolve things. We do hurt when our kids hurt, and the age doesn't matter. Thanks for your response.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Oct 07
Now without going into detail I have been hurt by a friend because they thought I had done something against them. However this was not the truth. It took us a while to get over it but we have been talking again and the thing is that a true friendship can withstand anything. All it will need is time and a little cooperation from both parties. Tell your daughter to hang in there and see if she can talk things over with her friend.
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I like the way you put it, "that a true friendship can withstand anything." I'm glad you were able to clear up the misunderstanding between you and your friend. Thanks for the good advice. My daughter and her friend have talked, and are doing their best to move past what happened. Thanks for sharing, and welcome to myLot.
2 people like this
@yuncloud (36)
• China
2 Nov 07
I am sorry for your experience, I think many people have the experienc of being hurted by close friend. Do not worry, i believe everything will become better,after all, her was your best frined, her care and love you. When two good friend have some unpleasant thing,the can talk to each other with heart, try to make the relationship of two become better, friendship is important and priceless.
2 people like this
• Canada
3 Nov 07
Thanks, yuncloud. I too believe that it's important to talk over this type of hurt, unless of course, the friend doesn't want to do this. My daughter and her friend are working things out. Friends are very important. Thanks for sharing.
• Canada
3 Nov 07
By the way, welcome to myLot.:)
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
it took me a really long time to get over my bestfriend's backstabbing. i think that it's not the act itself, i really don't care if people talked ill about me because i know myself better than anyone else. i think it's the fact that someone close to my heart did something so aweful. i got scared of trusting people again after that incident but we got to talk and we got over it in time. i could never forget what happened though, but i have certainly forgiven my friend.
• Canada
3 Nov 07
I can personally relate to this, and I'm sorry it happened to you. A number of years ago, a very close friend hurt me deeply. This definitely put a strain on our relationship, and it took a very long time, to get back to where we are today. Like you, I've forgiven my friend, but I've never forgot either, and every once in awhile, something comes up that brings it to mind for me. Take care, and thanks for your response.
@darkaeon (465)
• Portugal
30 Oct 07
If been hurt and mad with my best friend but because its my friend i cant be for too long mad at him and i forgive him...
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
It is hard for best friends to stay angry for long. I'm glad you're able to forgive, and move on, as I hope my daughter and her friend can. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@poohgal (6847)
• Singapore
28 Oct 07
Hello there. I've been deeply hurt by friends before. Some are close and some are not so close. In life, there are times you get hurt and there are times you hurt others. It's inevitable. I've forgiven most of my friends who have hurt me before because I know it's not their intention to hurt me. It was unintentional. I have also been forgiven by those friends I have hurt before. They know my character and they know that I never did those things or say those words with bad intention. I cannot forgive those friends who did certain things with intentionally to hurt you. They are unforgivable and would not like to waste my time hanging out with those people.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
Hi poohgal, You're right about these things being inevitable in life, as I've experienced this too. Forgiveness is very important. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 07
I think it really depends on what has happened. If someone tells you what they really think of you, even in anger, it's hard to get over that amount of negativity from someone youv'e trusted. I they've done something worse than that, you probably wouldn't get over it. If it's just miscommunication or suspicions, that might be worked out, but then you will always have to wonder whether they really trust you. TRUST is the main thing. When TRUST is breached, you can rarely fix things enough to be friends again.
• Canada
30 Oct 07
It is hard to hear what someone 'really' thinks of you, especially if it's a trusted friend, and they are tactless. In the case of my daughter, and her friend, there were things said in anger, but they're working to resolve this, so I'm hopeful. I believe trust to be very important too. Thanks for sharing, and welcome to myLot.
1 person likes this
@jts706 (21)
• United States
27 Oct 07
I must be one of the really lucky people so far. I haven't been deeply hurt by close friend that I can recall. Of course I have been hurt, but nothing extremely serious. I only have a few really close friends, so I guess that lowers my odds quite a bit.
• Canada
30 Oct 07
That's great to hear, jts706. I think a few close friends are great to have, as it's easier to get to know them this way. Thanks for your response, and welcome to myLot.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
27 Oct 07
No I have not been, I was hurt in may by few of my relatives whom I thopught were my well wishers and their opinions always counted for me. I still can not forget their meanness and though it still brings tears to my eyes I feel betrayed by them and now I have distanced myself emotionally from them so that they can never hurt me that way ever again. They broke my heart and I do not want to allow them to hurt me any further.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I'm sorry to hear that you were hurt by family members, mansha. It can take a very long time to get over something like this, as I know, from personal experience. I can understand why you 'need' to stay away from them. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
• Romania
27 Oct 07
Yes that happened to me......You are really get hurt when the friend you trust do something that you do not like.That is when get really get deeply hurt.
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I'm sorry to hear that you've had this happen to you. It's sad when we get hurt by our friends. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@deserve40 (1656)
• India
27 Oct 07
Yes, I was hurt by my close friend once. I remember that I was about 18 years of age. I had a friend whom I considered to be my very good friend and I used to discuss with him almost everything of my life. I had no idea about what was in his mind. Once, we were discussing something with some friends. He made some point and I did not agree with him. I was totally against that point and so I refused to agree with him and said that he was neglecting some ground reallities while making that statement and so I would not agree with him. It was only a casual discussion and no serious point. But some how he lost temper and straight way attacked me physically. I could not understand what was happening because I had no intention of hurting him or making a joke on him. He felt that I was playing some joke on him. I even tried to tell him that it was only a casual discussion but he took it other way. There were other friends who took control of the situation and took me away from the place but it was something intolerable for me. From that day only I have been maintaining distance with him. Just Hi...Hello...friendship and nothing more.
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I'm so sorry to hear that you were physically attacked, for disagreeing with your 'friend.' This is not acceptable. I'm glad that your other friends were there, to help you out. You're right to keep your distance from him. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@linda021 (100)
• China
27 Oct 07
yes i had a friend ,he is a boy ,but not bf ,he often helps me ,and talk to me ,but one day he tell me he likes me ,(truelly i like him a litter ),i am very happy ,and we had closed relationship from thatday on,and we often sent sms ,but one day he told me he donot want to make friends with me ,so i am very angry ,i think he is a play boy ,i think i cannot forgive him .i donot want him later
2 people like this
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I hope that everything works out okay for you. Thanks for your response, and welcome to myLot.
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
7 Nov 07
Yes I have had this happen to me...We sat down after not speaking for along period of time and told each other our sides of the story and it worked out and we are still very very close to this day...I do hope that it works out for your daughter..
1 person likes this
• Canada
7 Nov 07
Hi BlueAngelRS, It's good to see you here! I'm glad that you and your friend were able to sort things out, after such a long time. Thanks. My daughter and her friend are talking now, and things are going very well. Take Care.
• Canada
8 Nov 07
Thanks hun and I'm glad to hear that your daughter and her friend are talking again...
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Nov 07
Thanks. Have a great day!:)
• Canada
2 Nov 07
First of all, I have to say I am sorry I did not respond to this sooner..I actually thought that I had! Anyhow, yes my long time friend sent me a letter just before I was married with my wedding invitation all folded up small to say I was to never to contact her again!! I was shocked as we were inseprable all through high school and I could not understand...I realize now it was a bunch of misunderstandings but I do not want to do what she told me not to so I stand back and hope she will cantact me instead...I know she is on Facebook...Hope she will come back to me one day...I will not go against her wishes! I am glad that it is working out for your daughter...I wish it could be the same for me....
• Canada
3 Nov 07
Hi heavenschild, That's okay, about your not responding sooner, as 'we all' have those forgetful moments. That's an awful thing that your friend did to you, and I can certainly understand how shocked you'd be to receive this back, like that. I understand why you want to abide by her wishes, and I too, hope that you hear from her, and can sort things out one day. I'm thankful that my daughter's situation is repairable too, and pray the best for you, in your situation with 'your friend.' I really appreciate your sharing this. Take Care.