What would you do?
By firecracker
@sacmom (14192)
United States
November 1, 2007 1:47pm CST
If you had to drive 3 or more hours one way to work each day would you do it? What if your boss offered to pay for a motel/hotel so you could stay near your work, but you'd be away from your significant other and/or kids? Would you do it then?
Lately my husband has been driving at least 2 to 3 hours one way to work Monday through Friday though sometimes he doesn't have to drive that far. His boss did offer to pay for hotel accommodations while my husband works down there (my husband builds homes and works a good 8+ hours a day), but my husband declined and drives the long drive home everyday (luckily his boss pays for travel time). I love that he wants to come home to his family everyday, but he's been telling me that sometimes he falls asleep (for a second or so) on the road while driving to work! This of course is not a good thing and we are both worried that he will get into an accident. I realized too late that this week he has to be making that long drive everyday. I told him he should have stayed down there, and we could have communicated through the Internet and phone. He's tempted by the idea as he gets so darn tired from all that working and driving. Maybe he'll agree to it the next time he has to work there.
Also, my husband told me last night that he may eventually have to work in the next state (Nevada) and it's almost a 600 mile drive and takes over 10 hours to get there (by car), so he'd be gone for several weeks until the job is finished. My husband and I have never been apart for more than a few days (and that was only one time while he was visiting his parents), but he'd be staying there while he works and I'd be home. I'd go with him, but we have our kids and pets to think about. Though the last time my husband was gone my kids about went into panic. And it certainly doesn't help with one of them being autistic.
For those of you that have to be apart from your S/O how do you cope with it? How do your kids cope, if you have any? What do you do to help pass the time?
5 people like this
18 responses
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
1 Nov 07
This type of situation casues undeu stress in relationships. I have a friend in thre A.A. club that does house building and water park building as well. he travels a lot all over a 5 State area though. So he does stay at motels a lot. He does come home on the weekends as long as it isn't more than a 6 hour drive he says. It has caused a lot of hardships in his relationship with his wife and kids as well being apart for a week at a time. How long have you been married and or together as a couple? The longer as a couple the easier it is to be seperated I feel. I could never do this even though I've been married to my wife almost 30 years. Too much stress on the relationship.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
1 Nov 07
We will be married for 13 years come February (we've been together almost 16 years).
My husband would be home on weekends for the job he is currently doing, if he were to stay there during the week. For the Vegas job, my husband said he'd fly back (or the kids and I could fly there) off and on if it got too bad. I asked him about our pets and he said our landlord's son would help with that if it came down to it.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
1 Nov 07
So which way are you leanign towards about this then?
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
1 Nov 07
Well if we didn't have any kids (two and four legged), I'd have no problem with him being gone for long lengths of time as I'd be with him. :)
But since we have kids I would rather him just be safe even if it means us being a part for a while. :*(
1 person likes this
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
2 Nov 07
It's always hard when someone in the family has to work far away, but it is the reality for a lot of people. In my opinion, if he is wiped at the end of the day, he should stay in the city he works in and maybe just come home on weekends if his company is offering to pay for hotels. You will miss him, but you will be surprised by how fast the week goes! Other than that, if its too hard on either one of you, maybe he should consider finding a job close to home.
2 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18260)
•
3 Nov 07
for sure its hard whenever we are parted. Its best to make the most of your time together
blessed be
1 person likes this
@ozzie13 (177)
• Australia
15 Dec 07
i have been in a similar situation my umm recent ex was a fisherman and worked away alot, at first it was ok. I didn't mind the parenting side of it although i would of appreciated a break and my son often missed his daddy.
In the end the distance was too much it was hard to feel like a family he was working three four five weeks on with a week or less off, and i felt like o was living a single life anyway.
I think it is good that your husband wants to come home to his family! i think it is good to have your worklife and your family life closer together, it sounds hard but when it is for short amounts of time it is easier than working away full time, maybe you should go on a holiday and see something new.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
15 Dec 07
If my work was too far I would move my family there. That way all of us would be close to each other. Of course that's only feasible if the work place is permanent.
In your case it sounds like your husband's job takes him to different places, so it's useless to move because you would have to do it so frequently. That might be too stressful for the kids. In that case I would just go home every weekends and aim for early retirement!
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
1 Nov 07
Well, my husband doesn't work that far away, but he does work 45 miles away and he drives a gas hog, so sometimes he will stay in town with his brother for a few nights to save gas..
I think my 5 year old is affected more than anyone, so I just pray that we can get a better car so that he doesn't have to worry about the price of gas and money..
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
2 Nov 07
My husband is has work in the next state for atleast 10 days in a month. It'sa 5 hour drive from here. When our older son was younger, he didn't mind his daddy being away so much and I didn't have a problem managing things alone. But our younger son is very attached to his dad and I it's hard trying to handle him without his dad. But we had no other option than to try and handle it. I don't have any family near by and I manage all on my own. I know I have neighbours to help in times of emergency (so far haven't had to ask for anyone's help). The younger one is getting used to daddy being away...but he does get clingy when he sees his father.
When my husband is away, we keep in tocuh through the telephone and he makes it a point to call every night to speak to our kids. Even when my husband is in town, I take care of all the things in the house and our older son's school. So, it's basically only the time pent with daddy playing and having fun that my kids miss. Their routine otherwise doesn't change at all.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169590)
• United States
4 Nov 07
If the drive was consistently to the same place, I would probably move there, or look for a job in another company if I did not want to move. My first husband (deceased, not divorced) was an over the road truck driver. That was a hard adjustment for me. I knew nothing about being responsible for myself, but I soon learned. He was often gone three weeks or more at a time. My adult son says he did not really have a father. I thought his dad did a wonderful job, because when he was home, he was involved in their lives. It just shows how perceptions differ. You have to be really strong and capable, or have a good support group, if you have to be alone so much.
@ESKARENA1 (18260)
•
3 Nov 07
well i travel one and a half hours per day each way by public transport to get to work, but i do love it so i guess ill continue
blessed be
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
2 Nov 07
There is an unfortunate fact is that where there is work isn't necessarily a nice distance from home. Mu daughter is going through this right now as she gets shipped of to Vancouver quite frequently these days to assist in training some one, My granddaughter is not very happy with this as she only gets to see her mom first thing in the morning and for an hour and a half at night as it is now that my daughter won't be getting home until almost 8PM it is even worse, as she has to pick up my granddaughter from me and then take her home and by that time she is tired and its off to bed. I am hoping this won't go on for to much longer but as I said work is not conducive to family. but very necessary to pay bills.
1 person likes this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
2 Nov 07
First off, if driving 3 or more hours one way to get to work was something I had to do, we would move closer to my work or I would find another job closer to my home. Same for my hubby. The cost to my family is not worth it.
Secondly, if it was something that there was no way to avoid, I would stay at the hotel/motel during the week and come home on weekends. Same for my hubby.
Thirdly, if my hubby was away I would just get busy. I would get a job, take care of my house, take care of my son, etc. I would live my life and look forwardt to the time I do get with my hubby. I would also count my blessings.
To pass the time when I couldn't be with my hubby and I wasn't busy doing something else, I would get involved in something. Maybe join a book club or do volunteer work. Maybe I would jump on a plane and go visit my hubby.
Where there is a will there is a way. My mom always said that and we managed to get through everything intact.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
3 Nov 07
Hello sacmom. I think that it is still better for your hubby to sometimes live in a motel since the boss is willing to pay him for that for the sake of your hubby' safety. I mean, when he feels tired and sleepy. It is better to keep safe. If he still feel energetic after work, then it is ok for him to drive all the way home for about three hours long.
1 person likes this
@topei12 (272)
• Philippines
2 Nov 07
You sure have a valid problem. But it seems your husband loves his job and the problem is should you go with him when he is away or not. But how about the kids? Certainly your husband needs a place to stay rather than regularly travelling it's dangerous. This way you can find ways to adjust whenever he's gone or away from work. Surely this will be a lot to do, or as others said you can go with him but that will require bigger adjustments to do. The kids will have to adjust whether they come with you or not!
@coffeebreak (17797)
• United States
24 Nov 07
Been there, done that! My husband in construction, he'd have to stay the week and come home on weekends and on every other weekend I'd drive up with the kids and we'd spend the weekend and a few days and then come home. The hotel was at our own expense - at least your husbands employer will pay. The kids were little at the time and it didn't bother them at all - he'd call every night, and always talked about him. I don't think they were old enough to think it a problem 1 year and 4 years old. They loved going to the hotel every other week!
These days, here in So. CA, he drives 60-70 miles and it does take 2-3 hours, mornings maybe a half hour less. And with gas at $3.33 a gallon - you have to watch it. HE is in construction and just couldn't take a job that far as the gas would eat the pay check.
1 person likes this
@raj9433327675 (1241)
• India
2 Nov 07
Yes I would probably tell my boss not ready.But buddy I also love drive and its have a specific amusement to go for job by drive.But it also should have limited distance to go.
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
2 Nov 07
You have a genuine concern here & I feel for your & your husbands very difficult decisions.
It is not good at all that your hubby drive up to 3 hours each way, even 2 hours each way is too much. I couldn't even do 1.5 hrs each way.
For his safety & your peace of mind, he really does need to stay overnight somewhere.
If these jobs are monday to Friday, could he stay in a hotel mon, tues, thurs & Friday? Maybe he could do the long drive just on wed night to see his family, then come home again on Sat, & not leave again until monday morning?
When the time comes for him to go interstate, you can not uproot the children if they are at school. Perhaps though, his boss can come up with a deal. Work monday to Friday, then visit his family sat to mon (have every second monday off).
Then the following weekend, you & the kids can visit him. That way, you will only need to get someone to look after the pets once every 2nd weekend, & hubby would only have to make the long drive home once each fortnight.
It's terribly difficult for you I know, but you just can't risk these long hours on the road.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
1 Nov 07
My husband has travelled for more than 4-6 weeks twice this year and even though its tough, its something we had to deal with and get through it. I was responsible for my 5 year old son and our home. We managed but missed him terribly. Luckily for email and chatrooms we were able to keep in touch daily.
As of next year he will be travelling 66% of the time and its a requirement of his current job position. It will be something we have to deal with when it happens. Its great experience for him, travelling and also the benefits that come with it. We are hoping that we may be able to travel with him for at least one of the trips which would be fun. I on the other hand don't mind that he travels. My son will be in first grade and I hope that I will be working part time by then - so both of us will be busy anyways. Its just the nights we miss each other so much. I feel more for my husband though because he doesn't have anyone but I do, I have my son keep me company.
What I suggest is give it a go, and see how you go. A couple of weeks for me isn't that long -its when it becomes months then I would have something to worry about. I think driving 3 hours to work and then back is hard on your husband and maybe having accommodations where he is working is a good thing and then he can come home in the weekends.
I think you need to weigh up the benefits or advantages/disadvantages of him working locally as opposed to working in different states and so on. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
2 Nov 07
well you know. Imagine people who are married to someone in the forces. Or even a truck driver. or a traveling salesmen. or a celebrity. Those folks are hardly home. It's tough.
But how much do you really get to see your husband (and he the family) when he's spending 6 hours on the road? plus 8 hours at work? Do you really see him that much? would it really be that different?
I had a friend whose husband just did that. for about 2 or 3 months. She loved it. She doesn't have kids so she was kinda like a single lady again (minus the whole dating aspect of single lady. she didn't do any of that stuff) but she was going out with friends and stuff.
I'd think hard on it. But I'd do it. I'd let my husband do it. But it's really your own decision.
1 person likes this
