How would you handle this?

United States
November 9, 2007 9:32pm CST
Well, something awful happened tonight. I was on the computer and in the dining room organizing my gymboree clothing since I am going to be selling it online very soon (hopefully monday). My daughter entered the room carrying the cat. She says mommy blackie doesn't run away. I didn't think anything of it. Just said something like o yeah. Well, she went down into the living room where she had been watching charlote's web. Then she yells mommy blackie isn't moving. I jumped out of my chair and ran to the living room Not very far only the next room over from the computer room. I look at the cat, which is in fact not moving. Then I look at my daughter. I know my eyes had to be as big as saucers. I just didn't understand. I said what happened. She says nothing and she doesn't know. So I pick the cat up and look into his eyes. Yup, they are fixed. The cat is still warm. He had just been jumping on my lap just a few minutes earlier. My daughter says he is dead. I say what happened. At first, she says nothing, but when I ask did you do something she nods. She said that she threw the cat. So I say you stay right here and I took the cat outside and walked him across the road. Now, this is a great cat. I love this cat. I am fighting tears. When I go back inside, my daughter looks at me and say I am sorry and starts crying. I scoop her up and hug her telling her it is ok. I tell her I know it was an accident and she didn't mean to and it wasn't her fault. I am really at a loss so I call my mother and ask her to come over. I am still holding my daughter. My mom wants to know why so I say Bailey killed the cat. Mom says what and I say you heard me. She says no I didn't and I say I am not going to keep saying it. I am still holding my daughter when my mother arrives a little later. Bailey is going to stay the night over there since I am working nights tonight and she is excited about that. She hasn't stayed over there in awhile. She tells grandma what happened and grandma again tells her the same stuff that I had already said. Mom says to me that it is important how I handle this situation. And she says she cried? and I say yes. Mom says that is good it means she felt remorse. My daughter told me and my mother that Blackie was her friend. She again repeats that he is dead. She eventually leaves with my mother, but we continue to talk about the cat some. She appears ok, but I don't know how she will feel tomorrow when she comes home and the cat is still dead. Mom suggested burying the cat, but I think that if she isn't speaking of it, that I should just leave the cat in the woods across the road. What would you do?
8 people like this
10 responses
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
10 Nov 07
Goodness... So much, so much... I'd have probably done some of the same things since this is real delicate. Of course later on I'd have a talk about what happened and about everything relevant (remorse, actions, responsibility). It seems to me it did hit home with your daughter so there is hope. It'll hurt for quite a while too, but she'll grow from this at least the way I see it. The instant reaction, I'd say that was correct. Not even I could truly comprehend that moment so acting out or doing a major talk probably wouldn't occur to me. Along with all of this, be there for your daughter, and I think she'll also be there for you. As for your cat I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe you should bury it, if possible maybe a pet cemetery(my minds a bit fuzzy). I'm not a pet owner so I can't really help you on that one, its just what I think though.
5 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
The only thing is that i think that if we bury it somewhere close to my home, she will see the grave and it will bring up what happened. I don't want her to be constantly reminded of what she did even if it was an accident. Thank you.
3 people like this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
10 Nov 07
How old is your daughter? Not knowing your family situation my first response is that I would get your daughter in for a counseling session to find out why she threw the cat. If it was truely an accident the counseling will help because she will feel aweful. If there was another reason such as anger it will be helpful to get to the root of the problem. I am very sorry for you having to go through this situation.
3 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
she is 4. She was playing with him. We have had talks before about playing with the cat. She just wanted to play though. She wasn't angry or anything. She was very sad afterward.
3 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
Oh, 4 is such a young age to handle such a hard topic. I am very sorry for you and your daughter. I think I would have a burial service for the cat with your little girl. It gives a sense of closure, I think.
3 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
my dad may come over tomorrow and do it. I have to work nites and days tho. Anyway. She seems ok now. I don't want her to constantly see the grave and be reminded of what happened. I want her to move on. We have a kitten and we have already talked about not throwing the kitten. Had to put it in her terms. Asked her if I threw her, would it hurt her.
2 people like this
@chamberd1 (240)
• United States
11 Nov 07
You are an only parent.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Nov 07
Yes, i am. Doing well though. I posted a update tonight on what happened when we came home.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Nov 07
If it were me in this situation I would ask her what she wants to do. Does she want to bury it or just get a new one. But definitely leave it up to her. She may need to feel like she is helping. I have to say you handled it extremely well. some parents may have gotten upset with their child and yelled at them but you didn't and that is very commendable. You seem like a very good and loving parent Hun Hugs to you
2 people like this
• Canada
11 Nov 07
Your so welcome sweety. I'm glad she's doing ok, thats a pretty tramatic thing for a young child to go through. I will go look for the update. Hugs P.S. Thnx about my Nickname I have used it for last 3 yrs and have a tattoo of strawberrykisses too LOL
• United States
11 Nov 07
Thank you so much. By the way, I love your name! She is better this evening. I posted a follow up today after we got up and talked some more.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Nov 07
Oh Hun. Im so sorry for what happened. I have to say I am glad that you dint get mad at her and yell. She didnt realize what she did. How old is your daughter? If shes young she wont remember what happened in a few days. I would go get her a new kitty. Maybe let her pick it out. I would also burry the cat some where she wont see so she wont remember. It was a accident, accidents happen. As a parent myself I would not know what to do either. I wouldnt yell or punish my kids and wouldnt talk about it. The damage has already been done and theres nothing more that can be done. See how she acts tomorrow when she comes home. Let her know her beloved pet is in a better place, kitty heavan.
• United States
10 Nov 07
She is 4. Yes, we have spoke of getting a new cat.
1 person likes this
@FLmom26 (142)
• United States
10 Nov 07
It's definately good that you had the talk about not throwing the kitten. Sounds like you are making sure she understands that actions have consequences. I do think you handled it beautifully. It would have been very easy to lose control with such an emotional situation. I hope you both heal quickly after this.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
I am sure we will be fine. And the thing is, he wasn't a kitten. He was full grown. and fat.
1 person likes this
@rakeshdas (427)
• India
10 Nov 07
Tough a real tough situation ... even I got shock ... so i can understand what's the little girl feeling?? since she is too little after some day she will forget the incident ... so its better to bury the cat somewhere distant from ur house ... By which ur daughter will not see it day by day ... and since she is child she will forget it after some 1 year Anyways a big sorry!!
2 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
Yes, it was a shock. We loved that kitty so. He slept on my neck. Last night he was in bed with Bailey. I don't even know if I have any recent pics of him. Thanks for your comment. She seems to be doing better.
1 person likes this
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
11 Nov 07
I'm so sorry that happened! She said she "threw" him? It must have been a very freak accident. The poor little girl, obviously she didn't want to hurt her kitty. I think you did the right thing telling her Blackie's in Kitty Heaven. I do think I agree with your mom about burying the cat, probably best not to do it in front of your daughter but we've always given our "fallen" pets a proper burial. Annie
2 people like this
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
10 Nov 07
Yikes. Well, a professional can answer better; but I would reassure the child and have a bye time for the loss of the kitty. that way she knows it's alright but that her actions had consequences? Very delicate.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
Thanks for your comment. I believe she is doing better already.
1 person likes this
@Janyzhu (10)
• China
10 Nov 07
i am a collrge student ,i also have the same experience .i totally agree what the Grandama said ,burying the cat i think it is a respect manner to the deseased one and also after a period time you may forget the sad thing ,if you just leave it in the woods across the road everytime you see it ,you may feel remorse. bury it and with the time passing by you can return to the normal life
2 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 07
Well, mom said she is already not talking about it. She hasn't brought it up anymore at least. We will see when I bring her home tomorrow.
1 person likes this