I tried to Kill Myself

@bindishah (2062)
India
November 12, 2007 12:52am CST
I dont know what is happening with my life anymore. I got into an argument with my boyfriend and out of spite took some sleeping pills. I just made things worse by doing that. He got really scared and bailed on me but we talked it out over the next 2 days and got back together. My parents were never for the relationship coz he is of a different religion and younger than me but his family was ok with us. But now because of my pill popping his family thinks Im psycho and now they dont want him to be with me anymore. Truth is he bailed on me but came back. But I sometimes feel now that he abandoned me when I needed him right after. He has apologized for it but I feel like such a f*** up. I feel so weak and unwanted beczuae i have an innate need to be liked by everyone and his family does not like me anymore. I dont know what to do. I feel in need of some strength. because I know what I did was wrong but now how do i correct it?
5 people like this
10 responses
@joodzki6 (596)
• Philippines
12 Nov 07
you should have not done that...you just have to believe in yourself. Make them like you again...prove to them that you are not a psycho that you did that because you also have weaknesses and what matter is you overcome those. Noone is perfect..love yourself most of all. Don't let others put you down..try to seek help with professionals if you think you can't overcome it yourself..and after that live another chapter of your life...find yourself. be happy.forget about bad things happened to you in the past...future is most important and you have to live for the future. accept everything surrounds you in a positive way...i'm sure by that you will have a positive view in life as well...and for all you know, you are already different person...much stronger and a much better one. : )
2 people like this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
12 Nov 07
Thank you...its so strange that sometimes strangers get you more than others. Yes, I have to work towards showing them that i am not a psycho and towards rebuilding my self esteem.
2 people like this
@joodzki6 (596)
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
yeah...that's my girl! good luck to you, my friend..keep the faith and never let go! I'm sure you'll get over everything. oh, btw, thanks for picking me as your best response. Have a great day to you, dear! : )
• United States
12 Nov 07
I've done this myself several times so I can relate. It took years of therapy to find out that I was bipolar. Then several more years for me to come out of denial. I thought that it was some sort of character flaw or that I was a bad person, or that I was "crazy". But now that I understand more I know that it's a chemical imbalance in the brain and it's a physical condition. Don't keep trying to analize yourself. You're not qualified to do that. Find a reputable physician and get blood tests and talk to them and tell them about how you feel. You may need help in dealing with this and there are really good medicines out there that can help you not have this happen again.
@bindishah (2062)
• India
12 Nov 07
Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
12 Nov 07
Dear bindishah... I could feel the hardest thing u have faced. My suggest is wake up honey...,you are not all alone...take some days for going to some peace place for you..make your feeling and mind peacefully..Please believe that God will help you if you ain't honey...
@bindishah (2062)
• India
12 Nov 07
Thank you for your response. As a matter of fact, I am going away for the weekend with my parents to clear my head.
2 people like this
@sumi123 (129)
• India
12 Nov 07
Hi Killing one self is never a solution to any problem. If it was a solution you most of has would have done that. Anyways trust your fine now and u understood your mistake. Now let others know how you free. Open your heart and talk to your bf and his family. Its not like apologising but letting them know what you feel. Trust in God. Pray for help. Think about tommorrow also not just today.
2 people like this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
12 Nov 07
Yeah I did talk to my bf and his mom. She talked all nice on my face and then tells her son he should break up with me. But atleast my bf is sticking around.
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
12 Nov 07
First of all, you can not live your life to please others. There will always be some people who will not like you or approve of you. Never mind them, learn to love yourself. It is pretty frightening when you care about someone and they do things to try to end their life. I would not have bailed on you, but I would have called 911 to come and pick you up. Killing yourself is never the answer. It is taking the easy way out. Whatever your problem is, stand up to it and fight. You don't get back at someone else by hurting yourself. They are going to go on living. It sounds to me like you need help. If I were you, I would look into finding a therapist who can help you sort things out. Did you also know that Jesus loves you and can help you through this time in your life. He completely understands you and everything that is going on in your life. Why don't you talk to him and let him lead you in what to do. I wish I could be there to help you through this. I hope you feel better soon.
@bindishah (2062)
• India
12 Nov 07
Thanks a lot for your kind words. My bf bailed on me the next day not on the same. That day he came home and told my parents and they all sat and kept me awake through the night. Its the next day that he thought he could not handle me anymore that he bailed but came back the day after (ofcourse after a lot of smses and phone conversations). Its just I know and agree with all you are saying that we cant please all but it still feels terrible. I feel like Im disappointing the people in my life and those people who were willing to accept me but now are no longer willing to. Its like I dug my own grave.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Nov 07
You need to go to therapy or talk with people who understand what you are going through. Religion should not matter in a relationship, although it does help that you two are of the same religion, it really does not matter, and if your family cannot accept you and your boyfriend for who you are, then your family is going to have to deal with it not you. My family was not happy when I came out about being Agnostic, and they were not happy upon hearing that my boyfriend was the same way, but then I explained to them why I was the way I was, and that there is nothing that they can do about it. They will only drive me further away if they do not accept it.
1 person likes this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
13 Nov 07
I guess since my bf and i broke up today nothing of all this matters anymore. I just know now its not worth doing anything for anyone in life again.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 07
Do not say that, life is full of surprises and full of ups and downs. Okay, so it did not work out with this last boyfriend, there will be others out there. You need to find yourself first. She who you are and what you want, keep yourself busy. When you do that, then the right man is sure to come along.
• United States
13 Nov 07
I meant to say, "see who you are first". Really, find out who you are. Men come and go, but it is not worth risking your own life over this one. If you two love each other, he will come back, if not, there are others, but again, do your homework. Learn a few things about yourself.
@anniepa (27279)
• United States
12 Nov 07
First of all, the fact that you took sleeping pills like that plus your need to be liked by everyone signals that you need help. That's nothing to be ashamed of! Get into therapy or see if there's some kind of medication that may help you. Second, your boyfriend probably was so scared he didn't know what to do, that's why he "bailed" on you. The fact that he DID come back shows that he cares. As far as his family goes, they were apparently afraid for your boyfriend as well as for you! They liked you before, I'm sure that feeling hasn't been totally destroyed but it will take time for them to regain their respect in you and their confidence that you won't do the same thing again and - if I may add - that you were not attempting to manipulate him by taking the pills. Please, don't be offended, I don't think that's what you were doing, it's just something that does happen and the thought may have crossed your BF's family's minds. Just be yourself and things will take care of themselves in time. But be sure to get help if you need it, Hon, the biggest step is to admit you need it and to seek it. Best of luck and prayers for you! Annie
1 person likes this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
13 Nov 07
Thanks for your response. Its so funny..things were looking up..he and i were together again..but today we finally decided it snot working. So we are going our seperate ways now. Funny how life works.
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
12 Nov 07
You yourself are saying that you have made mistake! This one thing is positive regarding your part and i am not considering that as a confession... rather I think that it is there because of the realization of overall act, not only taking sleeping pills! And that is in real a significant thing and you must tell your boyfriend's family with a frank attitude and share with them the real happening within considering before and after the happening! I think this will work out nicely but you must be true to yourself and without stress to loose or to gain anything: Just become neutral and show your love and affection to all those are related with you! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS DEALING WITH YOU. TRY TO CLEAN YOUR MIRROR AND CLEANS YOUR EMOTIONAL DEPTH WITH POURING POSITIVE THINGS INSIDE! HERE I MEAN THAT YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF AND NEVER HATE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE DONE LITTLE (OR BIG) MISTAKE! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT BECAUSE YOU CAN PROVE THE MISTAKE WRONG AND CREATIVITY RIGHT BY YOUR OWN STEPS AND DEEDS. SO GO FOR THAT AND DON'T LOOK BACK! After getting lessons one has to put those things aside or besides!
@bindishah (2062)
• India
12 Nov 07
Thank you for your response.
2 people like this
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
18 Nov 07
You cant blame his family for thinking that way. They are just worried for their son, now that they know that you are capable of doing that, they are worried that when thing went wrong again, you would do the same or you would use that so that he wont leave you... they are afraid that something bad happen to you and turn the blame to their son. If you are the his parents I think you would think and feel the same. There is nothing you can do, you cant undo things anymore. Right now, you have to be strong and accept the consequences of what you have done. You have to prove yourself and be firm no matter what. In time things will change... and maybe will like you again. You cant force others to like you just because you need it... they will like you even if you dont force yourself to them. What I could say is give a little space because the more you try hard and push yourself to them, the more you confuse your bf and his family. They might even think that you are insane. So try to pick the pieces again, show him how you love him, but dont do anything like that again. Gain your self worth and confidence again... in that way you would gain others respect.
@bindishah (2062)
• India
19 Nov 07
Thank you for your kind words..what you said actually makes a lot of sense. For now, Im just taking things nice and slow. Everything takes time to rebuild and i guess i just need to be more patient at the moment.
@earth2jacq (1503)
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
First thing you ought to realize no one is worth killing yourself. Second is that in order to be loved by other people first you need to love yourself. Try not to please everybody because the more you try the more it will be difficult for you. Learn to love yourself and love will follow you. Engage in new activities that will expose you to new acquaintances. Improve your social skills. And above all wahtever your religion pray. It always helps.
@bindishah (2062)
• India
13 Nov 07
Thank you for your response.